Don't try to fix it. I just need you to listen

[tenni]

Ah..men...Ah women. lovely..Its not about the nail. :)

Any stories on La Difference?




https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=-4EDhdAHrOg

[Long Duck Dong]

to the male, I would say, stop trying to fix the issue... listen to your partner as shes sharing with you, how things are affecting her, what she is experiencing and feeling.... this is a time and chance to show that you are sensitive to your partners issues at this time... and saying to her that there is a nail, remove it and there will not be a problem, is simply saying, " fix the issue, your thought sand feelings are not as important to me as you want to them to be. "..... hey dude, how many partners do you / have you had with nails in their heads ??? think about it......

to the woman, I would say, your partner is looking at it from a practical sense, he sees a issue, he sees the way to fix it.... he is not seeing that you want to talk about how you feel and have him relate to that so that you can both move to the step of removing the nail together, and the other thing that he is not asking, is why the nail is there in the first place, which would show a level of interest and concern....

I personally, can see the guy wants the nail removed as he sees it as interfering in their relationship and their interaction, and hes getting frustrated because his partner is not seeing the nail..... but once the nail is removed, he will continue to be as insensitive to his partners thoughts and feelings as he is being, already..... the lady is the type of lady that wants to work thru the full experience with her partner, but in doing so, is blocking most attempts by her partner to express himself in his own way...
it reads so so many threads in the site, with the whole " if my partner would just see that if we remove the nail, the relationship / marriage will be fine, she just needs to stop being all emotional and sensitive about things..." and the " if my partner would sit and talk with me and stop making it all about their quick fix, I would be more inclined to take his hand and show him that I am interested in working together...."

[Gearbox]

There's a big fekin nail in that woman's head!:tongue:

There are many partners like that, sadly. They don't deal with an issue/nail, but instead revel in its negative effects on them. For many, those negative effects become so much a part of them that they fail to view them as symptoms of an issue, but instead prefer to view them as effects of abuse from others or life in general.
The issue can become highly guarded and any attempt to deal with it is met with hostility and denial:- "It's not about the nail!".
In essence, the 'nail barer' wants their negative emotions shared, accepted and given priority over their cause. The effects of the nail/issue are 'real' while the nail/issue is not.

This can be a major pain in the arse for their partner. They are often the ones who suffer from the unresolved issues of their partners, and have the added frustration of not being allowed to deal with them. They are often subjected to the control of the 'nail barer' who dictates how their own negative symptoms get treated, DESPITE showing a complete lack of capability on their part.
It's not so much about the 'nail' as how a person deals or refuses to deal with an issue.

[Annika L]

OMG, tenni, that is hilarious! Thanks for posting!

[elian]

Different people have different ways of responding to issues. I have heard it said before that sometimes people just need you to listen. Given my experience and background and my need to feel valued It's hard not to offer a solution.

[tommyswing]

In group therapy this type is called the help rejecting complainer. This is one funny video.