Loving Men and Women

[tenni]

This thread is for bisexuals who have been emotionally in love with both men and women.

How many women have you loved?
How many men have you loved?

Do you see being in love with a woman as different than being in love with a man? How is it different or similar to love both genders?

[pole_smoker]

Why do you want to know? How is this any of your business?

I'm sure you'll just use this information against people or claim that they're not "really bisexual" unless they fall in love or want partnerships with both genders. Or that if they're bi but fall in love with the same gender, or have happened to only fall in love with the same gender that they're not really bisexual in your opinion.

My partner and I are bisexual men, and have fallen in love with women and men, and each other; but what's the point in quantifying the numbers to appease some internet troll? Love is love, no matter what the person's gender or sex is.

[darkeyes]

Why do you want to know? How is this any of your business?

I'm sure you'll just use this information against people or claim that they're not "really bisexual" unless they fall in love or want partnerships with both genders. Or that if they're bi but fall in love with the same gender, or have happened to only fall in love with the same gender that they're not really bisexual in your opinion.

My partner and I are bisexual men, and have fallen in love with women and men, and each other; but what's the point in quantifying the numbers to appease some internet troll? Love is love, no matter what the person's gender or sex is.
U fucking hypocritical little wanker... one word says it all about u... polls!

[PeninAZ]

That there is complicated. I can't imagine being in love with a man, actually having a "boyfriend." I think I'm more emotionally drawn to women, but sexually attracted to both. Something might happen, I might just meet that special mister who gives me butterflies in my stomach. Who knows? I certainly would not be against having a girlfriend & boyfriend, but who knows what the future holds?

[tenni]

That there is complicated. I can't imagine being in love with a man, actually having a "boyfriend." I think I'm more emotionally drawn to women, but sexually attracted to both. Something might happen, I might just meet that special mister who gives me butterflies in my stomach. Who knows? I certainly would not be against having a girlfriend & boyfriend, but who knows what the future holds?

Yes, being able to fall in love with both men and women is not a dominant feature of this site and especially for men. I know that Realist frequently writes about his ability to fall emotionally in love with both men and women. I am also. I think that Gear, Volty and darkeyes may recognize their ability to fall in love with both genders but I may be wrong.

I figure that I have been in love with more women (8-10 vaguely the last time that I actually counted) and about four men. The emotion is similar for both women and men but the practice as PeninAZ mentions seems different. I found it even difficult to identify that I had an emotional love happening with men. I think that we are not socialized to recognize love for same gender. I wonder when bi guys refer to being only interested in cock and not the man if it is due to a development of their bisexuality? I was either not interested in thinking of these men as "boyfriend" or some socialization factor had me denying this. I don't see myself in a relationship with a man in the same manner as I have been with women. I find it a bit difficult to distinguish between male friendship and love for a man..the boundary seems fuzzy. I've never felt lust to want to suck a man's dick or get fucked by a man. I think that for some bisexual (men) we are socialized to stifle our emotional attraction easier than gay men. It is my understanding that gay men do not feel love for women at all. Possibly we are able to acknowledge our emotional attraction to women easier because it falls in line with the expected norm. The emotions (butterflies) may be similar for both genders but I sense a difference. I'm just not clear on the difference.

[Realist]

Interesting questions, Tenni:

Let's see if I can answer as it was asked.

1. How many women have you loved?

This took some reflection and, although I have dated more, the ones I actually loved were fewer. Even that can be broken down into two categories as loving and being IN love. I'm not going there, though. My present female partner is possible the best of them all and I am in love with her.

The best I can remember, I've loved about 9 women of those I dated and/or married. I actually married one woman who I never loved!

2. How many men have you loved?

I've definitely loved 3 males, beginning at 14 and the last was at 31. All, but one, mm connection has been rewarding and are cause for good memories. I will say that I care and respect my present male partner and we are very compatible, sexually. Our differences in interests are in no way hampering our relationship, though. My feelings may change toward him at some point, but for now we have an understanding regarding our prospective positions in the relationship.

3. Do you see being in love with a woman as different than being in love with a man?

Sure, I have felt differently about male and female lovers, but it's not easy to be specific. Even though there are definitely some differences, I have basically functioned the same with anyone I love.

As a person who is only intimate in a relationship setting, I look for the same characteristics in both genders. Those characteristics are compatibility, mutual interests, ability to communicate on the same levels, and possessing the lack of jealousy. Intimacy is a natural progression of a relationship.

4. How is it different or similar to love both genders?

The men I've been with have generally been less complex, more basic in their desires, and how to satisfy them. That's not to say the ladies are any less intriguing, or rewarding, to be in relationships with. I'd be hard pressed to choose one over the other.

They both have specific aspects that relate to their genders. Identifying them would probably take a book!

[JaredT77]

I'm more like PeninAZ. I am bisexual in that I have had sex with other men but they were all one night stands with the exception of my last time 2 years ago. I have never really fallen in love with another man before. I also feel more emotionally drawn to women. I feel more of a connection with women. I enjoy the company of being with a woman, like the cuddling and holding each other on a couch or in bed. To me I just feel less awkward being with women. I have no problems being affectionate.

With men, I am currently searching for a possible friend with benefits. Someone with no hang ups but everyone has issues and drama. I have issues and drama myself. I admit it and I'm not perfect. I just want a guy that is single or possibly in a relationship with another man and they are both willing to share me. Not seeing me behind their partner's back. A guy that is willing to be patient and teach me how to be affectionate with men. A man that dominates me in the bedroom but treats me as a equal too. Lastly, a man that understands that my primary relationship is to my fiancée and not trying to steal me away from her.

I guess bottom line is that I am willing to adapt and change even though I don't have much experience with men.

[Neonaught]

Three women and one man, though I have felt deep affection for more of both sexes. To me the love for either was the same: the deepest of affections and a great care for their happiness almost to the exclusion of my own.

[SilkyHoseLover]

Why do you want to know? How is this any of your business?

Talk about theater of the absurd! :rolleyes::yikes2::crosseye:

Can't wait to see how many times this is regurgitated back to you the next time you start a thread the ends with a question mark...

In response to the thread topic, I believe that I have loved 3 women, one of whom became my wife of 42 years. I have never had romantic feelings for another man, although I have loved some dearly as friends.

[tenni]

Thanks Silky
The point of the thread is to hear from those of us who have been in love with both men and women. It seems that on this site there are more men like you who have not loved a man emotionally. I don't know if there are bi women like Silky though.

I would like to hear from the bisexuals who have been in love with someone of their own gender and opposite gender.

I guess a question for biguys and girls like Silky is if you have not loved someone of your own gender, do you think that you would be able too? Predictions are hard to do though.

Thanks Neo. So, you recognized love for the man quickly or did it take some time to acknowledge? Below I write about my difficulty in recognizing love for the same gender.

[JaredT77]

I guess a question for biguys and girls is if you have not loved someone of your own gender, do you think that you would be able too?

I would be willing to try but not as far as leaving my fiancee for another man.

[Melody Dean]

This is hard to quantify. Not to get too deep, but what is love?

I recently read an article about how a psychologist manufactured love. That he could bring two strangers into a room, have them ask each other 34 (36? I can't remember) questions in 90 minutes, then stare into each other's eyes for 4 minutes. All of these couples ended up dating, and some even married. (Granted, it could be argued that participants wanted to hook up and therefore came in with the expectation that they might have a date when they left.)

But is love really that clear cut? Can you always tell when it's a friendly love or a romantic love? I can look back on past relationships where I had honestly professed my love, and I still ask myself, "Was I really in love with that person, or was I in love with the idea of being in love? Did I want to be in love so much that I willed it to happen more than just let it happen or not organically?" And even, "Was I falling in love with someone else, but in denial, so I substituted this other person instead?"

[tenni]

Melody
You make some very good points.

I think that sometimes people think that they are in love and later change their mind. Still, at one point, the initial reactions of love seem to be like someone pointed out the butterfly reaction. When I look back at ended love interests sometimes the feeling can resurface or I can look at what happened and see that I really was not in love...others I still love even when it is over.

Your other point about friendly love and romantic love is what confused me with guys. For me, I couldn't tell the difference as easily as the love felt for the opposite gender. It was only over time that I realized that the feelings that I had for some men differed from other guy friends. I think that I just thought of them as more best friend. In some cases I was sexually involved with the guy and then began emotional attachment. In other cases, I had a close friend feeling and never had any sex. I realized that by comparing those feelings that yes I was in love with some guy and no sexual feelings but I would get sexual if things were open to it. That was clearer when I looked at my feelings for women. I guess the crush love is the one type of love and that is different than the love of people after ten, twenty years.

Sometimes, other people can see a reaction in us and identify that we are having an emotional reaction to a person and we don't know that we are....lol

Now, what about you Melody? Have you had love feelings for both genders? (however you wish to determine the love feeling..which I agree can be difficult).

Thanks Jared. You see the possibility of love for same gender if you were single. Do you see the possibility of falling in love with a man even though you love your fiancé and would not leave her? Or are you a one person regardless of gender at a time lover? (suspect many are)

[BiFiHotspot]

The greeks had to break down love to 4 classifications in order to ever attempt to classify it (agape,eros,philia,and storge) and I personally think they barely scratched the surface of whatever biochemical processes and thought associations create any level of emotional attraction in us.I think that trying to define love and attraction are akin to trying to bottled the northwind. It is just something that happens and the degree and enduring nature of it depend on far too many variables to even begin to properly classify.Maybe we it should be one of those things we accept and enjoy for as long as it may last ?

[Melody Dean]

Now, what about you Melody? Have you had love feelings for both genders? (however you wish to determine the love feeling..which I agree can be difficult).

Sometimes, other people can see a reaction in us and identify that we are having an emotional reaction to a person and we don't know that we are....lol

Long before we were married, my husband and I's friends knew that we were in love before we did!

I can definitely say that I was in love with my ex-boyfriend who I dated before my husband. I think that's why I was in denial when I started falling in love again.

So that's 2 for men.

I've been in a relationship where I told a man I loved him. He kind of convinced me to say the L word, but when I did, I said it honestly. I later learned that he turned out to be a different person than what he presented himself to me as. I also wonder if he told me he loved me honestly, or if it was a tool to reel me in. Does that count?

So maybe 3 for men?

Right now, I'm twitterpated. (I get the word from Bambi, where in the spring, all the animals start pairing up, the owl calls it twitterpated.) There is a man I am infatuated with. Is it love, or just infatuation? He's supposed to be a friend first, so am I denying it in myself?

Maybe 4 for men then?

Or do I just want to feel that new love feeling? I have a female friend who I have romantic feelings for. One of my friends sees me with her and says when I look at her, it looks like I'm in love with her. She's a very good friend. I'd like to be with her intimately some day, but that may not happen. Do I love her as a friend, is it something more, or do I just want it to be something more?

So add one in the female column?

While I have found other women attractive, I do think it's safe to say I haven't felt a romantic love for any others.

[Melody Dean]

The greeks had to break down love to 4 classifications in order to ever attempt to classify it (agape,eros,philia,and storge) and I personally think they barely scratched the surface of whatever biochemical processes and thought associations create any level of emotional attraction in us.I think that trying to define love and attraction are akin to trying to bottled the northwind. It is just something that happens and the degree and enduring nature of it depend on far too many variables to even begin to properly classify.Maybe we it should be one of those things we accept and enjoy for as long as it may last ?

Good answer.

[BiFiHotspot]

Good answer.
I am afraid it is more a simple personal observation than truly an answer. I have found that most answers are just thinly veiled deeper questions.

[Melody Dean]

I am afraid it is more a simple personal observation than truly an answer. I have found that most answers are just thinly veiled deeper questions.

Very true.

Also, 42.

[BiFiHotspot]

Very true.

Also, 42.
Frood.

[tenni]

So Melody You have had difficulty recognizing emotional attachment to the same gender too compared to friend feelings? As I write these thoughts, it is dawning on me if our friends can tell that we have emotional feelings for someone before us and it is same gender...well no point coming out as bisexual..it will show..for some of us who can not hide our attractions...lol

Thanks Melody.

[Melody Dean]

Frood.

Now there's a man who knows where his towel is.

[Melody Dean]

So Melody You have had difficulty recognizing emotional attachment to the same gender too compared to friend feelings? As I write these thoughts, it is dawning on me if our friends can tell that we have emotional feelings for someone before us and it is same gender...well no point coming out as bisexual..it will show..for some of us who can not hide our attractions...lol

Thanks Melody.

Yes. That's the way I've always approached my bisexuality. I've never actually come out per se, but I don't hide my attraction to someone, regardless of their gender.

[BiFiHotspot]

Yes. That's the way I've always approached my bisexuality. I've never actually come out per se, but I don't hide my attraction to someone, regardless of their gender.
True .No need to wear the t-shirt on a daily basis.

[pole_smoker]

U fucking hypocritical little wanker... one word says it all about u... polls!
Riding the cotton pony today? Nobody is forced to answer any of my polls.

[darkeyes]

Riding the cotton pony today? Nobody is forced to answer any of my polls.No 1 is forced to answer anyone of tenni's either so considering the questions u ask in ur polls, the charge of hypocritical wanker stands and the evidence there for all to see..

[pole_smoker]

No 1 is forced to answer anyone of tenni's either so considering the questions u ask in ur polls, the charge of hypocritical wanker stands and the evidence there for all to see..
If you want to see a real hypocritical wanker all you have to do is reply to your own posts, or read your posts to see how you're actually very intolerant, don't respect or love anyone except yourself and don't treat anyone with actual dignity, which you do all the time here. It's time to change your signature.

The difference between my optional polls, and what Tenni asks is that Tenni will then troll/harass the person who replies who he doesn't like or who he has an issue with based on how they reply, and then he'll go on and on about stuff nobody cares about like how us poor bisexuals are misunderstood, that gay/lesbian/hetero people or "monosexuals" are the enemy and can't ever accept or understand bisexuality-when that's utter nonsense-and then he goes on about how he hates women, that men can't or shouldn't be monogamous, and that women especially hetero women are to blame for putting down bisexual men.

[tenni]

darkeyes
Uh....I am not polling (taking a vote).

I am surveying the experiences of bisexuals who have emotionally loved both men and women. Surveying in the sense of asking others to look carefully at this ability to love both genders.

Bryond that this issue seems less explored than how many want ... (fill in any sophomoric, salacious sexual pervasion in some wanker's mind i.e.do you like your asshole stretched) ;)

[pole_smoker]

darkeyes
Uh....I am not polling (taking a vote).

I am surveying the experiences of bisexuals who have emotionally loved both men and women. Surveying in the sense of asking others to look carefully at this ability to love both genders.

Bryond that this issue seems less explored than how many want ... (fill in any sophomoric, salacious sexual pervasion in some wanker's mind i.e.do you like your asshole stretched) ;)
All haters, and trolls are going to do is just hate...hate...hate... ;)

[darkeyes]

I love and have loved many people, both men and women.. both platonically and physically.. but have only ever fallen in love with 4; one man.. who I married; the woman for whom I chose to end that marriage, but who hurt me very, very deeply in the end; my present wife and partner, the luffly Kate, and one other woman some years younger than I about whom I don't think it necessary to speak of here. I do not dismiss the possiblity, tenni, that I will never fall in love with another person, but I do not envisage ever falling in love with another man... I may love a man, but I cannot see I would fall as I did for my exhusband away back 16 or so years ago.. I think my life, my desires and my sexuality has moved too far for that to be a possibility... but I suppose it can be argued that having done it once in my life it is always possible I will do it again.. I just dont think it will ever happen...

In what way is loving a man and woman different? Besides the sexual? I have always felt more comfortable with my own gender and the women I have been in love with I have never had to fight for air and a recognition of my own equality or indeed my own qualities... it is not that my ex-husband considered himself superior for he did not although sometimes he was critical or dismissed or underestimated what I believe are my strengths and best qualities ( and he still does sometimes tho less so now).. but sadly, it being a man's world then, in many ways that world considered me, as it did all women, his inferior. We have moved on since then, but still in many ways society does the same now. Legal equality is not the same thing as real equality..

Being in a relationship with another woman we just do not have that intersex rivalry to contend with... instead any residual societal misogyny and prejudice we face, we face together.. life is different in a same sex 2 women relationship.. far more so than possible many realise.and any personal gender strife between in a relationship eliminated... that doesn't mean differences wont exist.. it simply means that we do not have differences which may arise out of gender rivalry and so, in my view, any differences which do exist are easier to resolve.

.. and I know, tenni, that u are not conducting a poll.... I cannot see why u think I thought u were...I used the word in connection with quite another individual who had the brass neck to take u to task for doing something he has done dozens of times of late.. Silkyhoselover put it well in #9... the theatre of the absurd indeed!

[Ja&Ve]

My husband has admitted that he actually does have the capacity to love both genders. Took him a while to admit that. But it's cool. I got to him first! ��

[Basin_Bouy]

2 men and 3 women. Married one of the women, but one of the men, I could easily and openly live with. Relationships with a M2M theme are FAR LESS dramatic, and easier to maintain. For the record, I feel loveingly and sexually the same between Men and Women.

[Melody Dean]

Relationships with a M2M theme are FAR LESS dramatic, and easier to maintain.

For some, sure, but I've had much more drama in my life caused by men. It's surprised me many times. Gossip, lying, backstabbing, purposely playing with my emotions, etc., all by many more men than women.

[Basin_Bouy]

Well, it's not been my experience. I have slept with 16 guys in my life, never been any drama. Any Drama with a guy has been self imposed, knowing it will never be a permanent relationship.

[Ja&Ve]

For some, sure, but I've had much more drama in my life caused by men. It's surprised me many times. Gossip, lying, backstabbing, purposely playing with my emotions, etc., all by many more men than women.


Ive ve learned that no gender is without drama. My husband says some guys he knows are so much worse than most women. Talk about a bunch of whiny bitches!

[married2bif]

My wife is the bi one in our family. She has loved one man, me and one women, her longtime girlfriend of 45 years. She is a faithful one guy, one girl kind of bisexual.