Why SUCH a turn-on?

[cand86]

It's a well-known fact that men like (or are stereotypically thought to like) girl-on-girl action, but at the same time, most are (or there is the assumption that they are) threatened by "real" lesbians- the iconic butch dyke who wouldn't give a man a passing glance. It is (generally) not the lesbian sex that appeals to them, but the bisexual capacity of the women, albeit only if they are feminine and "straight-looking". And less-known (but I know they're out there; I've seen threads here) are the women who like man-on-man action- often a little more forgiving and broad in the physicality of the men who take part in it.
My question deals specifically with me, but I'm sure the feelings extend to others as well. Why is bisexuality such a turn-on, for men and women alike? Certainly, if you want a threesome, your partner's or your bisexuality will play an important factor. And even if you decide to be completely monogamous, it can still be tremendous fun to fantasize about your partner with his/her same sex, a threesome, or just play with gender and sexuality to optimize the bisexual angle. But what about when it doesn't have to do with anything immediate or personal?
I love bisexual men- they are the ultimate turn-on. And like the men who like girl-on-girl but not particularly lesbian action, I enjoy gay men, even though I realize that they're closed to me. But in my eyes, gay sex isn't the same as bisexual sex. Does that makes sense? To get off, I don't need to see two men and a woman. I just need an affirmation that they're bisexual, and all of the sudden, the heat intensity rises exponentially. Why? Is it more exotic? On the exterior, there is no difference between sex between two gay men and sex between two bisexual men. It looks exactly the same. But the knowledge makes a world of difference.

I don't know that I've been very clear trying to express myself, but I tried. Does anyone feel similar? Or have any clues as to why bisexuality, as a concept, has such mental erotic sway?

[Long Duck Dong]

lol how many reasons would you like... I can give ya dozens lol

mainly, tho, we tend to be attracted more to the free nature and the experience of being with the person, even if its platonic....lol
sexual contact doesn't play a big part in attraction.....its simply a way of defining the types of sexual contact available

I have a female friend that is totally turned on by the idea of her bisexual partner on his knees being rammed by a dominant male, and hearing him * at the mercy * of the other male, and knowing that he will be turning his attention on her once he has been fully mounted and sharing the pleasures that only a female and male can fully experience..... but she doesn't feel the same towards gay males doing the *rutting *.... she feels like she is not a part of the experience

but when she is in town and outside the bedroom, she admits to a great attraction to bisexual men.... she said its something about the way they move, talk, listen and there is nothing that stands out to her that explains the attraction.... so I said to her.... imagine a bisexual male standing beside you.... and another guy beside him......you all are just talking to each other, nothing sexual.... and he mentions hes bisexual..... what goes thru your head...... she said that she felt drawn to the idea that he needs a male and a female to be *whole *... and that he could be dying to be with his friend, but wanting her as well..... and at the mercy of his torn feelings

[DiamondDog]

yeah gay men think I'm as rare as a unicorn.

I personally don't like girl on girl action at all.
It doesn't do anything for me since I'm not a woman and I have no idea what it feels like.

I personally don't care if a woman is butch, femme, or anywhere inbetween or doesn't use a label like that.

I've had 3 ways with gay men and they're quite nice. I'm not one of those men that needs a woman present in order to have sex with a man. However a mmf 3 way is my ultimate fantasy but I doubt that it will ever happen.

[mrplayfuluk]

my angle on this is different... but the same. When I joined this site I was a confused bi curious guy looking for explanations for my feelings that have haunted me for years. Here I discovered a place where I could become more accustomed to my feelings, a shared reality. I realized that I had to breakout of my hidden desires and discovered that in communicating with bi guys they were somehow sexy in a way that gay guys weren't. It was a sense that we were exploring together as str8 men with a broader sexual view on the world rather than as gay men who were kidding themselves they were str8.
With me so far? There are so many bi men here with similar experiences of the world, and the idea that we could discuss women we find sexy while in an intimate setting is a REAL TURN ON especially being turned on by each other at the same time! I find the idea of two women getting it on sexy, but not the cliched porn versions, having experienced a mild mff night I know its as horny as an mmf could be. So for me it is the mind set of bi men that excites me and it is that which gets me going. If only there was a porn site of strictly bi men getting it on with each other then that really would be something!

[Biboz49]

my angle on this is different... but the same. When I joined this site I was a confused bi curious guy looking for explanations for my feelings that have haunted me for years. Here I discovered a place where I could become more accustomed to my feelings, a shared reality. I realized that I had to breakout of my hidden desires and discovered that in communicating with bi guys they were somehow sexy in a way that gay guys weren't. It was a sense that we were exploring together as str8 men with a broader sexual view on the world rather than as gay men who were kidding themselves they were str8.
With me so far? There are so many bi men here with similar experiences of the world, and the idea that we could discuss women we find sexy while in an intimate setting is a REAL TURN ON especially being turned on by each other at the same time! I find the idea of two women getting it on sexy, but not the cliched porn versions, having experienced a mild mff night I know its as horny as an mmf could be. So for me it is the mind set of bi men that excites me and it is that which gets me going. If only there was a porn site of strictly bi men getting it on with each other then that really would be something!

Well I'm right with yah there mrplayfuluk, you've said everything I was going to say. Also to throw in my :2cents: everyone has something that turns them on more than anything else. I know what gets my heart pumping. Cand86 has found that she gets very turned on by the affirmation that a guy is bisexual. So cand86 I say why question it, just enjoy it!

[12voltman59]

I have considered myself to be an open minded person and accepting of most things consenting adults do as long as it does not hurt anyone else--especially children---

But my tolerance for some who consider themselves as purely gay and lesbian to the exclusion of all others is rather limited (I don't mean in just who they go to bed with those who seem to dismiss "the others")--

I do "have a problem" with what I call "the hard core political type lesbians"--

For them, their identity of loving women and only women--is not only about sex---it is made up of a political component that is an extreme form of feminism that seems to have a total and unabiding hatred for the male gender even though such ladies usually take on a male affectation---

Conversely---there also seems to be an element of male gaydom that has no use for women either--I do not understand how anyone can just simply dismiss half the other half of the human race--it takes all of us to make up life--

It seems so limiting to me--as a bisexual person--a writer--an artist---a cook--a sales person--and all of the "people" I am--- I don't want to discount any of "the others" whoever the others might be--

My God--we have this divide amongst those who are "good Christians" and the rest of Christianity and of course we have this great gulf between our "Judeo-Christian" culture and the culture of the Islamic world---

I know I may be rambling and getting off topic--but I just don't understand an all or nothing philosophy---or like George Bush says with his "Hatfield and McCoy foreign policy" of "if you ain't fer us--then you aginin us!!"

I wish we could just drop all of these fricking labels we stick on ourselves and others and as Rodney King said: "Why can't we all just get along??"

Maybe I don't make any sense in this post--just getting some things off my mind--perhaps not so effectively as I would like--just putting in my :2cents: in a stream of thought ramble---

Thanks for reading and have a great day----- :)

[kinsey_3]

It's a well-known fact that men like (or are stereotypically thought to like) girl-on-girl action, but at the same time, most are (or there is the assumption that they are) threatened by "real" lesbians- the iconic butch dyke who wouldn't give a man a passing glance.

No - I love butch dykes! They're my favourite kind. If I was going to be reborn, I'd like to come back as a Stonebutch Dyke. Yay - I'm a Dyke Tyke and I love it!!!

It is (generally) not the lesbian sex that appeals to them, but the bisexual capacity of the women, albeit only if they are feminine and "straight-looking"

I don't know. I like guys, so two guys together is great. I like girls, so two girls together is great. Where's the big deal? It stands to reason that if you are straight, you will be turned on by a woman having sex, but might be turned off by the sight of the guy having sex with her. A girl couple removes the competition - with the added bonus that it's now two women having sex instead of just one.

A lot of men apparently fantasise about watching women together while not being seen by the women (voyeurism), but some don't even want to think of their own presence as a watcher - some go so far as to want to be a woman for the purposes of the fantasy. I can connect with that, even though I'm not Transgender at all. However, I do have several FTM friends, and sometimes I feel like I want to be a woman-becoming-male while in fantasy mode with them. It's very curious, but that's fantasy for you.

[the sacred night]

I'm one of those women who find guy on guy sex to be super, super hot, and might I say we are not such a small minority... women in eneral but especially str8 girls are just usually taught to be against porn and pretty much anything kinkier than the missionary position, so they don't give it a chance/have never seen it/won't admit that they like it even if they do discover the fact.

I find it sexy even if the men are gay... it kind of makes me sad that I can't join in, but I still like to watch :tongue: although if they are bi it's even sexier, which I suppose is because I might actually have a chance to participate.

On another note, though... when we are speaking of women, I'm the opposite. A lesbian is more attractive to me than a bi woman, other things being equal. Why is that? I guess because I'm attracted to women who are a little more of a departure from the traditional female role. Or maybe it's because I'm a bi woman, therefore bi women don't seem that out of the ordinary to me, but lesbians do because I don't really know many. And maybe that's another reason bi men are more alluring than gay men: gay men are all over the media, but bi men are still kind of exotic since we don't see a lot of them.

[anne27]

I find bisexuals, both males and females, sexier than either hetero or gay people. In my somewhat limited exerience, the bisexuals I know and have met are freer sexually and more open minded than your regular 'nilla folk. I find that open mindedness very erotic.

And bisexual men are hot, hot, HOT! There is just something so sexy about admiring a guy walking by and catching the eye of my man and knowing he's thinking the very same thing I am. If I were free (I'm very happily married) I think I'd look for bi men to date.

Count me among the women who like watching guy on guy sex.

[mtenn]

can we please clone the sacred night and anne27! we need lots more women like that. or at least i do!

[mistymockingbird]

I find bisexuals, both males and females, sexier than either hetero or gay people. In my somewhat limited exerience, the bisexuals I know and have met are freer sexually and more open minded than your regular 'nilla folk. I find that open mindedness very erotic. anne27

I'm one of those women who find guy on guy sex to be super, super hot, and might I say we are not such a small minority... women in general but especially str8 girls are just usually taught to be against porn and pretty much anything kinkier than the missionary position, so they don't give it a chance/have never seen it/won't admit that they like it even if they do discover the fact.

I find it sexy even if the men are gay... it kind of makes me sad that I can't join in, but I still like to watch although if they are bi it's even sexier, which I suppose is because I might actually have a chance to participate. the sacred night

My sentiments exactly. I've always liked sex, always been very comfortable with it. To me, pretty much anything erotic in nature is a turn on, regardless of the gender combination. What makes something a bigger turn on is seeing or knowing that the people involved are really into what they're doing and are open to lots of "variety". Variety meaning positions, acts, etc. In my experience, the majority of sex loving, adventurous folks tend to be bi. So I prefer to seek out partners who are also bi. Certainly there are bi folks who lean toward vanilla and vice versa. But I also relish the fact that a partner who is bi understands the attraction to both sexes. And as hot as it is to me to watch same sex porn, thinking about a partner engaging in same sex action, even hotter.

[canuckotter]

I have absolutely no idea how to answer this, which is annoying because I have a ton of stuff I want to say. :tong:

For me, I think that knowing someone is bi brings them a little closer to me. No matter how accepting my straight or gay friends are, they aren't bi, so I'm always kind of hiding who I am a little bit. With bisexuals, I don't have to do that. I can just go ahead and be who I am and not worry about it. That relaxed connection makes things more comfortable, which means I'm more free to focus on enjoying the other person. :)

There's a lot more I want to say, I'm just lost when it comes to articulating it. Maybe I'll try again later.

[onewhocares]

As a straight woman, there is nothing more erotic to me than watching two men make love. Be they gay or bi. The thoughts of me particpating with two bi men is something that I adore and have had the pleasure of part of. Watching the interaction of the men is an incredible turn on and I wish more women would be open to it.

Belle

[trip1]

As a straight woman, there is nothing more erotic to me than watching two men make love. Be they gay or bi. The thoughts of me particpating with two bi men is something that I adore and have had the pleasure of part of. Watching the interaction of the men is an incredible turn on and I wish more women would be open to it.

Belle

Some of you may have heard me say this before but in support to "Onewhocares" here it is. Years ago when I was involved with a couple that were and are long standing friends I got my first taste of bi fun. After many times of going down on her after her hubby and I had both filled her so to speak I thought to myself that I was blowing her hubby by proxy so why not go for the real thing. Along with some double penetration fun and he and I were cock to cock in her it was less and less of a stretch to try bi fun between him and I. It was a huge turn on between him and I but even bigger for his wife. She's get right in there feeding his cock to me or my cock to him both oral and anal she'd have a hand in it LOL. So this is another case where ladies get off watching 2 guy's and in this case she couldn't sit back and watch but wanted to help. That was the turn on for her in that she was helping in our bi fun...

[allbimyself]

As a bi guy I can say that having a woman watch or participate makes sex with guys 100% better, but only if she is genuinely excited by what's going on. And if I'm in a relationship with a fem, the only way I'd have sex with guys at that point is in a 3some with her. Sharing that part of my sexuality with the woman I love, FANTASTIC!

[Curious2inOhio]

"It's a well-known fact that men like (or are stereotypically thought to like) girl-on-girl action, but at the same time, most are (or there is the assumption that they are) threatened by "real" lesbians- the iconic butch dyke who wouldn't give a man a passing glance."

I am one of the people that feel this way and I can try to explain it as best that I can. Its not that I'm threatened by "real" lesbians (iconic butch dyke), but instead I'm not attracted to them. I perfer women that dress feminine and usually have longer hair than me. Thats not to say that I don't think there are any cute short hair lesbians, because I know there are, but to me even the short haired ones are usually wearing jewerly, have there nails done, wearing make up, and still look feminine. If a guy likes women with short hair and the tomboy look then I think he would enjoy to see the Iconic lesbians in action.

[izzfan]

I have to say that I find it amusing when rather biphobic/homophobic straight men seem to get off on 'girl on girl' films... they seem to hate homosexuality/bisexuality but they really enjoy watching female same-sex activity. Personally, I find it hilarious and a tad hypocritical/ironic. A couple of years ago, one of my straight friends tried to 'educate' me (I was well and truly lodged in the closet then and called myself a 'non-practicing straight person' lol... ) about sexual feelings by showing me some of his porn... quite a bit of this seemed to be 'girl on girl' porn and I found it rather dull (which freaked him out slightly). As for 'man on man' porn... I find it interesting but more in an artistic sense than an erotic sense (but 'man on man' erotic fiction or drawings can be quite good).
As for feeling 'threatened' by 'butch' lesbians, I have to say that most of the lesbians that I have met are not 'butch' and they are pretty cool ppl, I think that I have only ever met one lesbian who I would consider to be 'butch' and she seemed like a pretty cool person and I didn't feel particulalrly 'threatened' by her. But then again, I haven't actually met that many lesbians so I probably can't talk authoritatively about them.

Izzfan

[Avocado]

I think sections of both genders like to feel that people they find attractive belong to them or at least their own gender. Many straight people like the sight of 2 members of the opposite sex doing stuff but if they find out they're a couple...what a waste! As for why bis prefer to see bis doing it I don't know, perhaps the open-mindedness of the people doing it, and the fact they could be us maybe.

[bigirl_inwv]

As a bi female, I think that it all has to do with the fact that when watching bi porn, the thought "that could be me," immediately comes to mind. Plain old vanilla guy/girl porn does nothing for me anymore. I think it has alot to do with the open-mindedness that most bi people seem to have. And I am also one of those women who finds guy on guy action hot. My fiance is straight, but I must admit, I have fantasized about him being with a man many, many, many times. I have no idea where I was going with this...the things I wanted to say made sense in my mind, but not after I wrote it down. hahaha. :flag3:

[welickit]

We can't answer the question because we are all different. We can tell you that we are both glad that we are bisexual.
The times my wife watched other guys having sex it didn't do much for her. For some reason when I was involved she got immediately turned on.
We seldom watch porn anymore. After watching sex live and in person porn movies seems to take the backseat. One exception being that we go to a porn theater now and then where we can have sex infront of the guys there.

[AndrogynousLuv]

I really can't add to much more to all this than those previous posts already here, but I wanted to support and re-enforce some thoughts...

I think this 'turn on' factor of knowing that people are bisexual in either porn that we watch or in actual life settings is that way because, yes, they are similar to us with just the fact that they are bi. I remember when I first started to move towards opening up and accepting my own bisexuality after years and years of trying to deny it and push it away that every time I met someone or read about a person that was bi, I was drawn to them immediately because of the common thread or gaining wisdom from their experiences if they were willing to share them in discussion.

I also remember when I worked with a certain bisexual female and she was completely open about it how I was so fascinated by that...and immensely turned on by her because for one, she was absolutely beautiful, but also had an intellect to match which even turned me on more.....and then the fact that she was bi just knocked me over...she wasn't interested in me however.....lol...<ahhh sigh>.....
no regrets, the woman of my dreams is now part of my life and is also very bi and has all the intellect and beyond....

and when it comes time to have sex with men, I must admit that I do have a preference for bi men previous to meeting with them....but then, when passion is happening, I could care less.....especially in a setting where there are several; the sex energy is what it is regardless of what a person's sexual identity is.

[Lorcan]

I'm not sure what the real question is, but i can repond anyway right? :rolleyes:

I'll tell you what the turn on is for me and girl-on-girl sex: there is such a stereotype that women don't really enjoy sex; they just lay there for their men. And to see just women debunks that. That's why porn pictures of woman just sitting there with that "come hither and do it to me" look don't work for me.

And as for men-on-men....well....i want to be one of those men. :bigrin:

And i think an orgasm is an orgasm no matter who has it, girl or guy, and i love orgasms :tong:

[LoveLion]

For me what makes girl-on-girls so hot is the same thing that makes guy-on-guy so hot. And thats the whole forbidden fruit aspect of it. Iv watched guy-girl porn and it just doesnt really do anything for me. But guy-on-guy or girl-on-girl always gets me going. It seems weird to say that as a bi I dont like to watch a guy and a girl go at it, but when it comes to porn thats how I feel.

Now in practice I would love to make love to a women (havent gotten the chance yet :oh: ). But I would also like to further my experience with men.

So I guess that shows that Porn and practice are very seperate things, for me at least

Anyways I kinda got away from what i was trying to say which was that 2 members of the same sex really excites me because Iv always been tought that its wrong and thinking that passion, love and lust can overcome those established concepts of "wrongness" and find that it is really right after all, really excites me. When I watch guy-on-girl porn im just like "meh, 2 people just simply having run of the mill sex, yawn"

[Avocado]

:)
For me what makes girl-on-girls so hot is the same thing that makes guy-on-guy so hot. And thats the whole forbidden fruit aspect of it. Iv watched guy-girl porn and it just doesnt really do anything for me. But guy-on-guy or girl-on-girl always gets me going. It seems weird to say that as a bi I dont like to watch a guy and a girl go at it, but when it comes to porn thats how I feel.

Now in practice I would love to make love to a women (havent gotten the chance yet :oh: ). But I would also like to further my experience with men.

So I guess that shows that Porn and practice are very seperate things, for me at least

Anyways I kinda got away from what i was trying to say which was that 2 members of the same sex really excites me because Iv always been tought that its wrong and thinking that passion, love and lust can overcome those established concepts of "wrongness" and find that it is really right after all, really excites me. When I watch guy-on-girl porn im just like "meh, 2 people just simply having run of the mill sex, yawn"

I prefer same-sex porn as well. For me, I seemed to spend the 1st 20 years of my life getting screwed over when it came to opposing sex relations and looked down on by opposing sex couples at every turn. Same-sex porn doesn't remind me of that. That said, I've found someone of the opposite sex and we plan to spend the rest of our lives together

[sep237]

I'm one of those women who find guy on guy sex to be super, super hot, and might I say we are not such a small minority... women in eneral but especially str8 girls are just usually taught to be against porn and pretty much anything kinkier than the missionary position, so they don't give it a chance/have never seen it/won't admit that they like it even if they do discover the fact.

I find it sexy even if the men are gay... it kind of makes me sad that I can't join in, but I still like to watch :tongue: although if they are bi it's even sexier, which I suppose is because I might actually have a chance to participate.




Damn straight that men together is super hot. Hells yes.

I think I am most attracted to the fact that if a man says he's bisexual and really means it and isn't just saying it to be cool or happening, it means that he is open-minded to all aspects of sensuality. It really doesn't matter if he's a "top", "bottom" or anything else at that point, it just says to me that he's willing, you know? I think human sexuality is an intricate, multi-faceted blessing that should be explored and savored. Personally, I've been with another woman and it did nothing for me, but damn right I was going to try it at least! Now that doesn't mean I'm going to rush out and try something like scat play just to say I've done it - ew, no thanks eh? But I guess what I'm trying to say is that bisexuality implies by its very nature that you don't necessarily stuff yourself into those pre-determined boxes, just like this poster was saying - like women learning the missionary position and thinking it to be the be all end all of sex. God, save me from that boring death.

[someotherguy]

I never got the chance to be turned on by two women going at it together. I had a fmf threeway pretty young and what happened was the two f's wound up ignoring me after a while. Granted it was only a twin bed and we all didn't fit, but they just zoned in on each other. I went and found something else to do.