article: what is biphobia?

[DiamondDog]

Here's a good article that explains what biphobia is. I don't agree with all of the politics of it but I figured I would post it here since others may be interested in reading it.

http://allies.tamu.edu/Did%20You%20Know/biphobia.htm

Bisexual women and men cannot be defined by their partner or potential partner, so are rendered invisible within the either/or heterosexist framework. This invisibility (biphobia) is one of the most challenging aspects of a bisexual identity. Living in a society that is based and thrives on opposition, on the reassurances and "balanced" polarities of dichotomy affects how we see the world, and how we negotiate our own, and other peoples lives to fit "reality."

Most people are unaware of their homosexual or heterosexual assumptions until a bisexual speaks up/comes out and challenges the assumption. Very often bisexuals are then dismissed, and told they are "confused" and "simply have to make up their mind and choose." For bisexually identified people to maintain their integrity in a homo-hating heterosexist society they must have a strong sense of self, and the courage and conviction to live their lives in defiance of what passes for "normal."

What Does Biphobia Look Like?

* Assuming that everyone you meet is either heterosexual or homosexual.
* Supporting and understanding a bisexual identity for young people because you identified "that way" before you came to your "real" lesbian/gay/heterosexual identity.
* Expecting a bisexual to identify as heterosexual when coupled with the "opposite" gender/sex.
* Believing bisexual men spread AIDS/HIV and other STDs to heterosexuals.
* Thinking bisexual people haven't made up their minds.
* Assuming a bisexual person would want to fulfill your sexual fantasies or curiosities.
* Assuming bisexuals would be willing to "pass" as anything other than bisexual.
* Feeling that bisexual people are too outspoken and pushy about their visibility and rights.
* Automatically assuming romantic couplings of two women are lesbian, or two men are gay, or a man and a woman are heterosexual.
* Expecting bisexual people to get services, information and education from heterosexual service agencies for their "heterosexual side" (sic) and then go to gay and/or lesbian service agencies for their "homosexual side" (sic).
* Feeling bisexuals just want to have their cake and eat it too.
* Believing that bisexual women spread AIDS/HIV and other STDs to lesbians.
* Using the terms "phase" or "stage" or "confused" or "fence-sitter" or "bisexual" or "AC/DC" or "switchhitter" as slurs or in an accusatory way.
* Thinking bisexuals only have committed relationships with "opposite" sex/gender partners.
* Looking at a bisexual person and automatically thinking of their sexuality rather than seeing them as a whole, complete person.
* Believing bisexuals are confused about their sexuality. Assuming that bisexuals, if given the choice, would prefer to be within an "opposite" gender/sex coupling to reap the social benefits of a "heterosexual" pairing.
* Not confronting a biphobic remark or joke for fear of being identified as bisexual.
* Assuming bisexual means "available."
* Thinking that bisexual people will have their rights when lesbian and gay people win theirs.
* Being gay or lesbian and asking your bisexual friend about their lover only when that lover is the same sex/gender.
* Feeling that you can't trust a bisexual because they aren't really gay or lesbian, or aren't really heterosexual.
* Thinking that people identify as bisexual because it's "trendy."
* Expecting a bisexual to identify as gay or lesbian when coupled with the "same" sex/gender.
* Expecting bisexual activists and organizers to minimize bisexual issues (i.e. HIV/AIDS, violence, basic civil rights, fighting the Right, military, same sex marriage, child custody, adoption, etc.) and to prioritize the visibility of "lesbian and/or gay" issues.
* Avoid mentioning to friends that you are involved with a bisexual or working with a bisexual group because you are afraid they will think you are a bisexual.

[DiamondDog]

I haven't really experienced some of it and the people I know that are this way I either try to educate or I just ignore them, or if we're in a gay bar I'll just say how they shouldn't assume that everyone in the bar/club is/identifies as gay.

I have had the "phase" thing thrown at me and I just tell people, "yeah like 'phases' really last for most of your childhood, through adolesence, and into your adult life" or if I'm feeling mean: "maybe your heterosexuality is just a phase?"

Lots of people will assume that I'm gay, but I don't really go around correcting everyone about myself and if they don't believe me I'll just talk about some of my sex dreams. hehehe

I'm 23 and some people will say, "oh you don't know at all, you're still young" but I certainly don't feel young and I just ignore them since I know what I am, or if I want to be a smartass I could say "maybe you don't know at all you're old!".

I've had people say, oh but "you've only had sex with one woman you need more experience than that!" I could go into talking about gay sex but that's usually TMI (too much info) for people.

I do get mad when people say that a man getting oral sex from another man isn't bi/gay at all just because he identifies as heterosexual or he is the "top" or in the "active" role. I've heard people say that such a man really isn't bisexual at all, he's just heterosexual and horny. :rolleyes: Or as a bi friend of mine told me "those guys think that they're straight but they're having sex with a man and not a woman".

But I've asked a lot of my het male friends if they'd ever recieve a blowjob from another man, no reciprocation or even kissing necessary, and they all said no.

I did have a biphobic therapist but I just ignored him, kept on having sex with men, and showed him all of my toys/bdsm equipment and gave him books to read on sexuality. I was also going to a GLBT center and talking to people and that helped a lot too. He may have been biphobic and didn't understand things; but he was very helpful for the issues I was seeing him for that didn't have anything at all to do with my sexuality.

Or het friends will ask me, "if you had to pick one gender which one would it be?" and I'll tell them how I can't do that and how I need both and that porn/erotic fiction only does so much, and that if I were married to a woman in a closed relationship that I'd cheat.

I will joke about stuff though. People take the politics of bisexuality, and sexuality in general WAY too seriously and I'll joke about being a pig, a switchitter, or being as rare as a unicorn.

[izzfan]

Yeah, quite a good definition of what exactly constitutes 'biphobia' exceot for perhaps the last one: "Avoid mentioning to friends that you are involved with a bisexual or working with a bisexual group because you are afraid they will think you are a bisexual" if u are still in the closet about being bisexual then that might have more to do with secrecy than prejudice.
As for the others, its quite interesting to see how subtle biphobia often is and several of them I would probably not recognise as biphobia had I not recognised the article. But as for the: "Feeling that bisexual people are too outspoken and pushy about their visibility and rights" I've never heard anyone say that before, if only there were more visible bi activists and if only the bi flag was flown more often (I once told a gay friend, who had been to several pride parades in the past about the bi flag and he had never heard of it lol).
As for Diamond Dog's comment about men thinking they are 'straight' if they only recieve blowjobs from men... I find this quite funny as they are clearly Bi but don't want to admit to it. I mean if they were more willing to admit (at least to themselves, if no-one else) that they were bisexual, it could really help the cause of Bi rights. But we also need to tackle the homophobia/biphobia in society that leads these Bi men to deny that they are bi

Izzfan

[tommyswing]

It struck me as I was reading how much things have changed. When I was diamonddogs age, being bi was considered pretty sick, as in mental illness. When I was about 19 or 20 the DSM3 created quite a storm when it no longer considred homosexuality a mental illness. I remember hopeing this was a stage who wants to be mentally ill.

As for today I find gay people to be as bigoted as heterosexuals. I've also heard your going through a phase, or a fence sitter "this phase has lasted 40 years. I don't really care I sometimes find it amusing the ones the decry how their treated by the str8 community, turn around and do the same thing, and for the life of them cannot see the hypocrisy.

The guys that will have sex with guys and consider them self’s srt8 crack me up. I was seeing a young guy who would make sure I understood he was str8 and 10 min later we would be in the rack together screwing our brains out, he was a total bottom. I think it was a culture issue; he was Hispanic this seemed to ego threatening. I hope he was able to work it out.
I also could never be happy with just one sex, I guess in that way I fit the stereotype of the bi person

[izzfan]

hmmm..... interesting experience of biphobia today. I was talking with a group of friends [gay and straight] this evening (technically yesterday evening lol) and for some reason or other, the topic of bisexuality came up. I heard statements such as "Its a fashion statement", "Bisexuality doesn't really exist" and "People say that they're bisexual just to get attention". I tried arguing the case of bisexuality by saying that being bi doesn't necessarily mean 50% gay and 50% straight, I also mentioned the Kinsey scale. None of them really took that much notice (they all know that I am Bi.... but 75% gay and 25% straight... I can't really call myself 'gay' because I definately feel attractions to women too... However I don't feel attraction for both simultaneously, its either one or the other at any given point in time, nevertheless I consider this to be a form of bisexuality). The conversation soon moved on to other topics but this shocked me considerably because for a start they all know that I consider myself to be bisexual (ok, I've only had male partners so far but I'm not entirely ruling out doing anything with women) and that I was the only one speaking up in support of bisexality, also these people are good friends of mine and are usually great people.

Oh, I found the person who inadvertantly prompted me to join this site [ He was a DJ at an event @ my univeristy's LGBT society last month and I reqested a tune by 'The Offspring' (a stereotypically 'straight' band) and the DJ kept on asking if I was 'one of those bisexuals'... I was kind of shocked and amused by this so I ended up joining this forum]. Well, I met this bloke and he seemed to think that I had 'bisexual' tastes in music but that I was actually gay.... how he can make generalisations about my sexuality after meeting me twice, I don't know lol.

Izzfan :flag3: