*sighs* Good idea or not to date.........

[deletetacount123]

So I met a girl online in July.... we got along really well.
Shes a transexual, with surgery in the future on mind. (Male to Female Trans)

We haven't met in person yet.....

Well.... being the HONEST PERSON I AM..... I mention her to my parents and my sister.

My sister - all she had to say was "you're crazy" (She doesn't like the thought of someone changing thier private parts)

My dad - pretty much had nothing to say.

my mom - wow, she didn't even want to hear about the girl... she heard Trans and just started attacking on that subject. calling her "It" and all that. She said transexuals have to many problems and I had my own to deal with so she didn't want me dating a transexual.
Her words? "I'll rather you date a Straight male or a lesbian women" (she doesn't believe in bisexual by the way)

She couldn't understand why this transexual was into women if he wanted to be a girl. (I guess she assumes transexuals are still straight if they like the oppsite sex... or like the same sex. (meaning born a male, likes men.. or born a female and likes girls)

She carried on about trans having to many problems and everything.

Lastly she added "I worry about your brother (the gay one) all the time.... In fact I think its easier for women to be lesbians then it is for men to be gay"

The girl Im dating has been givnig me gifts.... I don't think anyone I have dated have done this. My ex certainly never did.
Shes sweet, nice....etc

I dont know how Im gonna meet her ?? I mean, ya, public place, people knowing where you are...etc but my parents and sister aren;t being supportive... I don't have any friends either (ya at work but no matter how many times I try, we never get to do anything outside work)

Should I keep this relationship going? What should I do? I am lost and confused. :( :(

Part of me really does like her and can look past the fact she has a penis (since she WANTS to have surgery someday)
The other part is being too "well, I don't know if its a good idea afterall"

One thing I know for sure is:
Its nice and touching with the attention Im getting from her :) lol

My main concern is how people might treat me just cause Im dating a trans?? it does bother me enough when peopel act like my being deaf is a bad thing lol (being a lesbian (or gay) is no big deal around here it seems)

I need advice :(

[MarieDelta]

Here's the thing.

Gender does not equal sex

Wether or not your gal has the surgery she will always be female in her mind.

Dating is not marrying. Have fun, do stuff together. get to know one another.

Transwomen have no more psych problems than any other group. In fact if she's got the OK for surgery I'd say she's already passed the sanity test :)


You may find after you've been dating her for a while that you have nothing in common & that's fine. Or you may find that she's nice and all but it's too much to be with a transwoman (sad but true).

I say go for it!

What have ya got to lose?

best of luck,

Marie

[deeTM]

I agree, try the relationship on for size. If it fits, great! If it doesn't then how is that different than any other relationship that didn't work out. If who or what a person is means the right things to you what does it matter what others think. Gosh, if you were living in other places you might be looked down upon for dating <whisper> "a black person" or <an even more quiet whisper> "a white person" depending on what color you happen to be. I guess what I'm really trying to say here is... If she makes you happy, then smile and get on with it. To the people that have a problem with it. I'd suggest that they don't date a person of the opposite color or same sex or (dare I say it???) a transgender person.

Good luck. Live life. Be happy.

Hmmm, is it just me or does that sound like a Bobby McPherin song, lol.

[deletetacount123]

I'll love to try.... but what about the whole meet off the internet safely thing?

Public place & People knowing where you are in case theres a problem??

If I can't have my parents knowing (since they are against it)... and I dont have friends around here.... then its a bit dangerous to meet in public with no one to call if theres a problem lol

I only know her online at the moment.

Has anyone met someone off the internet with no one else knowing?

[Herbwoman39]

When I dated online the two times I met people I flew out to them and stayed at their place. I had known them each about 5-6months beforehand and knew other people who knew them personally. All of my online friends knew where I was and who I was with so I felt safe.

This is probably a less than intelligent question: Do you have access to a cell phone or can you purchase a disposable phone? If something were to go wrong you would be able to call 911.

Your parents don't have to approve of this woman for you to be in a relationship with her. Your life is your own Tasha. And if you were to need to be rescued,your father, like any other, would be there for you in a heartbeat because you are his child.

Pursue your life. If this woman makes you happy, take a chance! See where it goes! Life doesn't move forward unless YOU do.

I just wanted to add that I get this feeling that your parents won't be happy with anyone that you date unless it's a straight guy.

[bigyrl6971]

Tasha, I'm wondering if you even need to tell your parents or your sister who you are going to meet? Can't you just tell them that you are going to be at such-and-such place, not mentioning that you are meeting the woman you want to meet? I agree with Herb Woman in that you should have a cell phone or disposable phone with you in case of any emergency (to call 911 or your parents/family), but I don't think it's necessary to tell them you're meeting your friend. Just my :2cents:

[FalconAngel]

I used to know a very sexy young Trans girl. Like yourself, she was hearing impaired and dealing with that in addition to all of the transitional things related to transgender issues.

Trans folks, as I have come to understand, go through more therapy to deal with this than most other people do, just to go through the transition, so your new girlfriend is probably more emotionally sorted out than most of the people that any of us may know.

You go for it. It is you, not your family, that is involved with her. So wallow in your budding relationship and have fun and see where it goes.

[deletetacount123]

Okies thanks all :-)

Your right, the last time I met someone off the internet (a Bisexual girl) my parents didn't care.... I just told them I was meeting this girl at Tim Hortons at (time) and would text them in a couple hours.

I have a blackberry and I text my dad on it (him, my sister and cousin mostly) all the time.. Dad every day at least.

Ya, Im gonna meet her. She said she would drive up here :)
And I can tell you guys and other close online friends. :)

Thanks all :)

[GreenEyedLady(GEL)]

As far as meeting someone for the first time its really depends on how much you know about a person. I met Sapphrodite. I drove to her house and we greeted with the best hug ever. But I also talked to her months upon months before hand. I kissed her on day 3, we took it very slow. The one thing we made sure of is that we had plenty of activities everyday, most of which left us leaving the house early and getting back to her place darn near midnight every night. It gave us a chance to get to know eachother better, especially little eachothers funny little habbits. ( which I dont dare mention :bigrin: )
Get to know your friend , peek into her soul , she may have male bits, but you might find that she's more womanly than most women hehe. It seems like there could be a few pre-op perks if ya know what I mean. 2 in 1 :) Some family members are going to bitch no matter what as well hon. My mom wouldnt even speak to me for a month after I said i was in a same sex relationship. But thats our christain upbrining. So she will never say, You know what LynnAnne , go forth in a lesbian lifestyle and be happy lol Someone is always going to look poorly on us living alternative life styles. It would be nice to tell them to piss off, but its not always an option. So we continue to struggle and hide. Can't make everyone happy , but you can make yourself happy. I wish you luck. :)

[deletetacount123]

LynnAnne, thanks :)
You made me feel better about some things lol

I have not not known her for a full month yet. (its nearing a month), she really wants to meet me asap.

I look back, I met my ex just after a month of knowing him online.... we had our first kiss on day 3. He stayed at my house the whole time (I lived alone then too.).

So Im not seeing much of a differences with her. She seems MUCH better than my ex lol online shes always doing *cuddles* and stuff and I do that too. She makes me feel good and we have had SEVERAL chats that lasted late into the night. A couple weekends we would chat ALL day... in fact one Sunday it was 15 hours of chatting!!! lol

She makes me happy :) Ya, she may have a male bit that she hates.... but shes VERY girly thats for sure!! hehe

I have not chatted so much for a long time lol

Anyway she wants to meet me over labor day weekend which is the first weekend of September.

Ya, I think mom will always bitch about this and that.... I mean, I know she doesn't want me to get hurt but I think we learn from things when we're hurt or have made mistakes.
Plus Ive always been pretty good about choosing who I meet off the internet too.

My mom did say to me however by saying "I'll rather you just date a straight male or lesbian women" (she doesn;t believe in bisexual)

Which was stupid.... the last time I met a girl who was bisexual (but I told mom she was a lesbian) mom put on the same behaviour as if Lesbians are such bad people.

Yes there are some bad lesbians but not all.
same with gays. trans, bisexuals and straight people.

Mom doesn't think I understand how hard transexual people have it and that I could get seriously hurt. Maybe thats what bothers her?

My gf lives in a very gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans communitity and she has always felt safe where she is.

Well we'll see I guess :) I might talk to my sister in law and see what her views about trans are... she has a more open mind than my mother does and is more on my side :) hehe

Tasha

[Fire Lotus]

Tasha, I wish you good things for this meeting. When you do meet her, know where the exits are ;). But seriously, you both have intense feelings for each other. That's great. But be cautious It's goos to be a little wary of something that intense. Don't put expectations or pressures on the meeting. If you both want to still move forward after you meet, great. If not then hopefully you can still at least remain friends.

As for any worries about her gender/sexual orientation, don't worry about what others might think say. As long as both of you are happy, that is what matters.

As I often say, I love people not genders. :)

[biwords]

Tasha, next time someone tells you they don't believe in bisexuality, please tell them that I don't believe in Penticton. ("There is no such place as Budapest"--Robert Benchley)

As you can see, I've little to add to the excellent advice posted above by LynnAnne, Herb & co. I do think that it's always good to leave word as to where you are and when you expect to return, unless the meeting is entirely conducted in a public place. The reason for the meeting is, of course, no one's business.

[biwords]

[QUOTE=GreenEyedLady(GEL)]It seems like there could be a few pre-op perks if ya know what I mean. QUOTE]

lmao!

[Sarasvati]

I don't think you should dismiss your parents views. Their words seem mostly aimed at protecting you.

I think people can be immensely devious and you have to take a great deal of care. There are people who have considerable grooming skills.

Get caught in the wrong situations and you could be in a lot of trouble. You have to think long term. Get to know the person in groups over a long period of time.

Life is about making mistakes and getting in a mess. You have to think about the risks and whether you are willing to accept adverse consequences.

I know it's not my business and I don't want to be rude but I would say give up this internet trans gf and find a real female, locally based, who will be genuine and help you to learn about yourself.

Don't be fooled by gifts

[Fire Lotus]

I don't think you should dismiss your parents views. Their words seem mostly aimed at protecting you.

I think people can be immensely devious and you have to take a great deal of care. There are people who have considerable grooming skills.

Get caught in the wrong situations and you could be in a lot of trouble. You have to think long term. Get to know the person in groups over a long period of time.

Life is about making mistakes and getting in a mess. You have to think about the risks and whether you are willing to accept adverse consequences.

I know it's not my business and I don't want to be rude but I would say give up this internet trans gf and find a real female, locally based, who will be genuine and help you to learn about yourself.

Don't be fooled by gifts

I don't think Tasha is being dismissive towards her parents. I think she is appreciative of their concern. That's what parents are, protective. As I'm sure many of us, her friends, are of her. But she is an adult and needs to make her own decisions. I'm also sure sure she will take every precaution she is able to.

I will say though, I do think it might be better for her to hold off on the meeting a little longer to get a better sense of what's going on. But again, that's her decision. If Tasha feels it okay to meet this woman, then so be it. It is just a meeting. That's all it has to be. Doesn't have to be anything beyond that if it doesn't feel right at that time.

Don't get me started on your trans verses "real* female crap. What's sounding like trans phobia from you is a whole other story here. That's insulting to both Tasha and her friend.

[MarieDelta]

I don't think you should dismiss your parents views. Their words seem mostly aimed at protecting you.

I think people can be immensely devious and you have to take a great deal of care. There are people who have considerable grooming skills.

Get caught in the wrong situations and you could be in a lot of trouble. You have to think long term. Get to know the person in groups over a long period of time.

Life is about making mistakes and getting in a mess. You have to think about the risks and whether you are willing to accept adverse consequences.

I know it's not my business and I don't want to be rude but I would say give up this internet trans gf and find a real female, locally based, who will be genuine and help you to learn about yourself.

Don't be fooled by gifts

People are people, wether they are trans or cisgender.

Transpeople can be jerks and so can cisgender. the important thing in any meeting is to keep yourself safe, be aware of ways to do that.

Meeting a transperson is no more dangerous than meeting a natal man or woman. Go for it, use proper caution yes, but go for it.

Best wishes :)

[transcendMental]

It seems like there could be a few pre-op perks if ya know what I mean. 2 in 1 :)


It seems that GEL's heart is in the right place here, but it is worth noting, Tasha, that many transsexuals (M2F and F2M), myself included, can be pretty touchy and uncomfortable regarding their pre-op genitals. Some have no real trouble. Others are uncomfortable having genital contact of any kind. Many are in-between: ok with some things; not ok with other things. Also, hormone treatments during transition are supposed to have the effect of making a penis sexually disfunctional, especially after a while. So definitely talk to your friend, and see what they are ok with and capable of before setting any expectations.

Good luck to you, and I hope you can negotiate the whole family vs. fulfillment thing!

[biwords]

Fascinating post, TranscendMental. Thanks!