confused and alone?

[naive]

this was gonna be a long and meaningful revelation but i'll keep it short for everyone's sake. never told this to anyone, no family/friends/complete stranger so this is a bit scary for me. i guess i need the anonymity of the web. i'm a 21 year old male virgin that think's he's bi-curious. i have only ever known straight ppl and my close circle of friends have remained unchanged for years, hence my presence here. working full time with little chance to meet new ppl. feel like i need to spill coz altho i've lived with this for a while, i feel trapped at the moment by the restricted conversation with the ppl near to me. any advice from the wide expanse of experience out there would be appreciated.

[Skater Boy]

This website is a great way to meet (although often not literally) new people. Hang out, relax, and rest assured that you're by no means the first person to be in the position you're in now. Maybe even do a search through the member list to try and find some members who might live near you to chat to. If you want incoming messages, filling in your profile ad and adding photos always helps. But above all, try not to stress... being Bi-curious is really nothing that strange or uncommon.

Welcome to the site! :)

[naive]

thanks for the response. i'm sure i'll get over the "stress" but of the posts that i've read, it seems most people are out, proud and confident about their sexuality which makes it all the more daunting.

i've taken ur advice, now i'm just waiting for all the messages to come flooding in! haha

[Doggie_Wood]

This website is a great way to meet (although often not literally) new people. Hang out, relax, and rest assured that you're by no means the first person to be in the position you're in now. Maybe even do a search through the member list to try and find some members who might live near you to chat to. If you want incoming messages, filling in your profile ad and adding photos always helps. But above all, try not to stress... being Bi-curious is really nothing that strange or uncommon.

Welcome to the site! :)

Well said SkaterBoi ;) - I always felt that you had some compassion in ya :bigrin:
Naive - welcome to the site - you'll find many new friends here who will be more than happy to help you find yourself, as long as you ask for the help.
None of us are mind readers (although some think they are - LOL).

Good luck and enjoy the scenery.

:doggie:

[MarieDelta]

Well said SkaterBoi ;) - I always felt that you had some compassion in ya :bigrin:
Naive - welcome to the site - you'll find many new friends here who will be more than happy to help you find yourself, as long as you ask for the help.
None of us are mind readers (although some think they are - LOL).

Good luck and enjoy the scenery.

:doggie:

Damn, I was applying for the Bi Psychic Job... You mean I gotta give it up? -LOL

Welcome to the site. Please remember that we're all human here, put our pants on one leg at a time.

Dum inter homines sumus, colamus humanitatem - As long as we are among humans, let us be humane. (Seneca)

[naive]

thanks for the warm welcome. i was hoping i could find a mind reader on here :)

i think i find it hard to express myself when even i dont know what im thinking haha.

i can at least find comfort in the fact that i've had exchanges with ppl who know more than i do...it can only get more interesting from here.

[naive]

feel free to tell me if u think that i need to start a new thread for this, but i have a question for any of the bi males out there.

i've heard (through my early discussions hahah) that some people discover themselves by exploring with close friends that were also curious. what would u do if they dont know any gay/bi people and had never even been in a relationship? that is if anyone has ever been in that position.

[Skater Boy]

thanks for the response. i'm sure i'll get over the "stress" but of the posts that i've read, it seems most people are out, proud and confident about their sexuality which makes it all the more daunting.

(Disclaimer: I am TOTALLY unqualified to give anyone advice, but will throw in my :2cents: because I'm addicted to typing!)


I, personally, am only "out" to a select few individuals whom I can trust. There's no obligation to go trumpeting your sexuality from the rooftops, and if you're more discreet by nature, then good for you... no-one's gonna condemn you for not being blatantly queer. at least MOST people will not.

As for "proud" and "confident"- I am neither. I suppose I'm reasonably proud to be who I am. but being bi or gay is nothing to be proud of really. Just like being "straight" is no great accomplishment either. Confidence comes with experience, and my experience is limited, so I'm hardly the most confident person in the world. Fortune does indeed favor the brave, though. so if you can improve your confidence levels by any means, I'd recommend doing so.

But the important thing to remember is that life is all about YOU. sounds selfish, I know, but you only get one life, you live it, then you die. Forget what the doubters say about your sexuality, if you can. If you're happy with it... then thats what counts. You, your family, your friends and your lovers. These are the only things that really matter in life, IMHO.

As for not knowing any Bi or gay people... I understand what you mean. But you've taken the first step, which is coming here. That might eventually lead somewhere. You could also do some research on Bi/Gay social organizations and events in your local area. Most cities have at least something going on. Doesn't matter what it is, as long as you're making new friends and being social. lastly, you could dip your toe in the local nightlife... probably best done with a good friend though rather than alone.

HTH and play safe! :)

[parkwings]

Kudos to SkatrBoy, that was a very good post, I agree wholeheartedly! :)

[shameless agitator]

Welcome to our little family Naive. I think Skaterboy has pretty well covered any advice I would have had for you already. As for the mind reader bit, I'm always being told that I'm psychic. Oh no that's psychotic, Never mind. Oh there is something else I can recommend for you. It couldn't hurt to "advertise" a little. Get some bi pins or shirts, stuff that's subtle enough that the straights will miss it but family will understand. Check out the thread on bi jewelry, you'll see what I mean

[naive]

i don't know if its just a coincidence that all these other things are flooding into my life at the moment but ever since i've taken this step, my week has been really draining. i don't think i've ever had to juggle these mixed thoughts in my head with the hectic world that continues to beat down on me before. it certainly was easier when i thought i knew who i was and didn't have to question myself. i'm sure it will get better.

will definitely make as much effort to be sociable and open (something that has hindered me in the past). never really been into any the club/bar scene but maybe that has been due to the people i'm around. as far as the "advertising" goes, i think that will be a long way off. i can't yet grapple with the thought of coming out to anybody i know when i don't even know myself...yet.

[the mage]

You will question your self many times in life.
Its part of self development.
You only need to be out to people you play with and or trust.
Be careful in a small circle of friends, the social line once crossed cannot be recrossed.
Be sure of your trust and dont be in a rush. You are the same guy the day after your first fuck. You are not changed.

[naive]

Those are some very wise words mage. Thanks a lot. I certainly am wary about my circle and it will remain that way for a while since most of my friends have just as little experience as me and are all still looking for our first partner.

You should write a book :) Or have you already? haha, I haven't yet delved into any LBGT literature yet.

[suegeorge]

Hello there,
It seems to me that there are many different types of people on this site, all of us here for slightly different reasons... chat, partners, support, a bit of a laugh etc. Some are very loudly out, but most aren't, and most of us have had to "come to terms" with our sexuality in some way or another.

There's no rush, even though it might feel a bit painful and tough at times. Like people have said above, and you have agreed with, don't hurry into talking about yourself to your social circle even though it might feel lonely that they don't know what you're going through. It's probably better to feel more decided within yourself first. That might take a while... And being here is a good first step, I think.

All the best,
Sue

I've written quite a lot about bisexuality on my blog (which is actually entitled Bisexuality and beyond but I can't type in the title for some reason). :rolleyes: Still, the address below is right.

http://suegeorgewrites.blogspot.com

[Herbwoman39]

thanks for the response. i'm sure i'll get over the "stress" but of the posts that i've read, it seems most people are out, proud and confident about their sexuality which makes it all the more daunting.

Believe me, when I first started coming out it was a gradual process that took a long time in fits and starts. For a while I thought there was a revolving door on my closet :) I was *not* confident in any way, shape or form in the beginning.

Thanks to this site though, and my own ability to take those tentative steps in the beginning, I'm out and proud. It just takes time.

Remember, too, you are never alone :) There is always someone here who will be happy to answer your questions and concerns.

[shameless agitator]

Well put Herb Woman. Naive, don't let my loud and overbearing nature deceive you. Not everybody is as out as I am. Most people in fact tend to keep it a little more private than I do. It's just a matter of finding your comfort level. I tend to be a bit more militant than just about anybody on here, but that's just kinda who I am. I was a shameless agitator long before I figured out that I was bi. I also think coming out is a bit easier when you're older (I was in my 30s when I finally figured it out) just because it's a lot easier to have the attitude that if somebody else has a problem with it then fuck 'em (or not as the case may be). The important thing is to be comfortable with yourself & you'll open up to those you trust. I think that over time you'll come further and further out of the closet.

[canuckotter]

thanks for the response. i'm sure i'll get over the "stress" but of the posts that i've read, it seems most people are out, proud and confident about their sexuality which makes it all the more daunting.

As has been mentioned... We all started somewhere. :) And yeah, many people are still in the closet, so no worries there. Personally, I've been out for nearly 12 years... Others ahve been out for longer... So yeah, we've had time to adjust to things. Trust me, if you'd met me when I first admitted to myself that I'm bi, you'd be proud of yourself for being so confident in yourself. ;)

[naive]

haha, i feel all warm inside now. one thing that intrigues me is the timing of people's self-realisation. whether it be coming out to yourself or to others.

is it more difficult or different questioning your sexuality when your young with no experience as compared to, say, when your older and married with children? because on one hand, if you have had a long history of partners, you should be more confident in what you like and don't like but then there are many more people that you would need to explain yourself to (that is, if you came out to them). on the other hand, if you question yourself before having any kind of relationship, its harder to be certain, but there are fewer people that have a pre-existing assumption of your identity.

[suegeorge]

That's a very interesting question, but I don't think there's a definitive answer - it depends on the individual. I came out to myself as a teenager, which I think was comparatively easy, but no one I told believed me (this was the era of David Bowie etc and they just thought I was being trendy). I think it is often pretty difficult to decide you are bisexual as a mature adult and have to tell your long-term partner.


http://suegeorgewrites.blogspot.com