Bi Men- What do you REALLY want?

[onewhocares]

Boy these nights when it is rainy and the electricity goes out and all we have to amuse ourselves is conversation......

Hubby, over the last year, has tried to find a man to be part of his life (not our life but his alone). No matter what web sites, or dating sites he goes onto...he never is able to find the kind of a man he is looking for. A man to be part of his life in all sense of the word and not just in a sexual manner. He wants the intimacy, the emotional connection, and communication. A chance to have a man in his life.

Well the last year has produced no relationship. Many men who contact him or whom he contacts say they want a relationship, but when push comes to shove and they need to meet or go forward the guys chicken out. He has come to the determination that all bi guys seem to want is only a sex act and nothing more. He seems to tell me this over and over after each new prospect leaves. He finds what he could have with a gay man...but then they want him to leave his family and move in with them.

Have other men on this site run into this same situation?

[FerociousFeline]

yep.

It's the rule rather than the exception, unfortunately.

I think part of it is rooted in the sexual response cycle of male brain chemistry.

That period of time called "the refractory period" wherein a chemical is released in the male brain which actually tells the body "you've had enough, now go to sleep". It's also the same chemical that makes many men "good for one time only". Once the chemical is released (after orgasm) the "GO GO GO" instinct is not just balanced by the "ok that's enough lets sleep,eat, whatever" instinct but in fact is completely overrun by it.

This is the primary reason so many men are bisexual until orgasm, and then experience feelings of shame and self hatred after they have indulged in their desire. The desire literally melts away leaving only feelings of confusion and identity crisis. As a result of this, most men on men pairings (who are not fully adapted to such behavior {gay} tend to be temporary.

Men who have a more well developed Yin side tend to follow the same behavior that women do post coitus. They bond. They cuddle. They connect.



FF

[FalconAngel]

We've run into a lot of that, too. They just want a booty call and not much else. we have had a couple that e really connected with, one in particular that was about perfect, but he had to move out of state. We still hear from him, from time to time.

[PhoenixRising35]

I have felt the exact same way. I know of bi men and gay men, but it always is strictly a sexual relationship. It has really gotten to me at times, which is currently why I am going the route of abstinence. I would much rather have someone that is in for the long haul of a relationship/ friendship as opposed to a strictly sexual escapade. I think that as time has gone on, my ideas about what I would like have changed to encompass a broader picture of what I would like in a partner and the sad state is that I think (my opinion only) only about 10% of men are interested in a long term relationship in a bisexual capacity. It's too bad as well, considering that there are a LOT more bi-curious people than I thought. Well, I am still hoping to find someone, but it is going to be awhile. I plan on moving again myself once I get accepted at a different college so maybe my chances will improve once I am living in a more urban environment.

[AFTER9]

Wow that's a really broad question. To me that would be impossible to answer without being very lengthy and most likely confusing and contradictory. Just too complex.
So I guess I'll answer with things I don't want. Things like being emailed pictures of cocks with beer guts a little crude commentary and the assumption that since I'm bi that would turn me on. I don't want to meet foot tapping politicians in airport restrooms. I don't plan on spending big $$ to fly across the country to hook up with whatever he, she or them no matter how much I'm turned on. I wish I could afford it just can't.
Just a few thoughts for the conversation.

[dbowerstroy]

My experience has been the same. Most guys bi or gay just want to hookup. A few of the gay ones want a relationship, but like you say are for the most part not willing to share a bi-guy with the bi-guy's family. Its ironic that my wife is willing to meet a guy that I'm interested in and yet the guy typically does not have the guts to. Its frustrating as hell. And because I'm not into the hookup/casual sex thing, it makes for very little m2m intimacy leaving an area of my life with a very empty feeling.

[mastercath]

Boy these nights when it is rainy and the electricity goes out and all we have to amuse ourselves is conversation......

Hubby, over the last year, has tried to find a man to be part of his life (not our life but his alone). No matter what web sites, or dating sites he goes onto...he never is able to find the kind of a man he is looking for. A man to be part of his life in all sense of the word and not just in a sexual manner. He wants the intimacy, the emotional connection, and communication. A chance to have a man in his life.

Well the last year has produced no relationship. Many men who contact him or whom he contacts say they want a relationship, but when push comes to shove and they need to meet or go forward the guys chicken out. He has come to the determination that all bi guys seem to want is only a sex act and nothing more. He seems to tell me this over and over after each new prospect leaves. He finds what he could have with a gay man...but then they want him to leave his family and move in with them.

Have other men on this site run into this same situation?

Dear onewhocares. It is sad that your hubby has not had such luck. I to am looking for the same thing in my life with no luck. I love woman but I love men as well. I love to be with them and talk and watch movies and go out to eat all that stuff. Yes I like sex but that has to come last. I sure wish I knew you and your hubby I bet we could be great friends.

[vittoria]

Boy these nights when it is rainy and the electricity goes out and all we have to amuse ourselves is conversation......

Hubby, over the last year, has tried to find a man to be part of his life (not our life but his alone). No matter what web sites, or dating sites he goes onto...he never is able to find the kind of a man he is looking for. A man to be part of his life in all sense of the word and not just in a sexual manner. He wants the intimacy, the emotional connection, and communication. A chance to have a man in his life.

Well the last year has produced no relationship. Many men who contact him or whom he contacts say they want a relationship, but when push comes to shove and they need to meet or go forward the guys chicken out. He has come to the determination that all bi guys seem to want is only a sex act and nothing more. He seems to tell me this over and over after each new prospect leaves. He finds what he could have with a gay man...but then they want him to leave his family and move in with them.

Have other men on this site run into this same situation?

Cho goes through the SAME STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll let him know about this thread and see if he'll comment further...

Funny thing tho... Bi women pull the same exact BS...its as if they have horny thoughts or something and then they bail when it comes time to do something about it or some yada like that. They never are serious... talk a bunch of shit but never want to meet, say they want to meet tho... then waste your time! Bogus, isnt it?

[Gina7777]

Interesting ... so it comes back to the gender physiology ... most men just do not want relationships. They want to fuck then run away and spread the sperm somewhere else. Unless, as said above, they are totally gay ... and then the family has to be out of the picture.

My bi guy says all sorts of wonderful sexy and loving things to me, making all sorts of promises, when he is looking for a sexy interlude. But once we are done he ignores me for weeks. Very painful. And I have discovered he is just the same with the men he goes with.

I rest my case. However "civilised" etc. we think we are, we are still most definitely very basic animals!!!

[Iowason]

I also would like to meet a long term friend. Not saying that everyone I meet has to be my friend forever. That is more of a goal. I'm not necessarily looking for "a man in my life" but an honest to goodness friend. I know they exist because I have a few, but not any bi ones. Sex would just be a major bonus. Some of the people I have met on here are not in the same location so that is part of the problem.

[darkeyes]

Interesting ... so it comes back to the gender physiology ... most men just do not want relationships. They want to fuck then run away and spread the sperm somewhere else. U cum from this side a the wata Gina.. an musta heard a the 4 F's wich all 2 many guys liv by...
wetha its used ova the pond dunno.. but ifyas in ne doubt me lufflies.. Find, Feel, Fuck an Forget... the title a the yung mans bible an that a the olda married wanderin arsehole...

ooo Fran ya lil cynic.. tee hee:tong:

[31cho]

Boy these nights when it is rainy and the electricity goes out and all we have to amuse ourselves is conversation......

Hubby, over the last year, has tried to find a man to be part of his life (not our life but his alone). No matter what web sites, or dating sites he goes onto...he never is able to find the kind of a man he is looking for. A man to be part of his life in all sense of the word and not just in a sexual manner. He wants the intimacy, the emotional connection, and communication. A chance to have a man in his life.

Well the last year has produced no relationship. Many men who contact him or whom he contacts say they want a relationship, but when push comes to shove and they need to meet or go forward the guys chicken out. He has come to the determination that all bi guys seem to want is only a sex act and nothing more. He seems to tell me this over and over after each new prospect leaves. He finds what he could have with a gay man...but then they want him to leave his family and move in with them.

Have other men on this site run into this same situation?
I have been having that problem for a long time.I have gone to many sites but no luck.The most i get is endless emails about sexual acts.What i am looking for is someone who is honest and open someone who i can talk too.Dont get me wrong i am looking for a little fun in the bedroom too.I think most guys sit at the computer and fantasize about this shit and jerk off.Thats why we own a strapon.

[aisuhi]

Same problem here. As soon as another guy gets the vibe that a friendship is involved. To include hanging out, etc.. Dont forget sex also. Anyway as soon as the vibe is picked up they split or whatever they do then I am left hanging alone again. Havent checked out the gay guys yet. from what I read it is not a good place to go either.

Cheers all.


:three: Someday

[fairbankswingers]

I also want that in a relationship with a man...I had it in California and Tony and I became very close, and even to the point where we would and could say "I love you" I miss him so much and we still write and call, and chat, but since I was transfered to Indiana 2 years ago I have not been able to find another man like him, the majority want a blow job, or to have sex with me and the "Wife" and you know what that means, so, yes, you are not alone, and...well we are alone :(

[jem_is_bi]

I do not have a perfect lover for all my wants and desires, but I have a long time male lover who very much satisfies my needs.

So, if you can't find what you (truly) want,
Just maybe, you can get what you (really) need.
But, maybe, … only, if you realize that what you already have is really wonderful.

[jamesisbi]

for me what I seek is a couple to make me part of their lives

[vittoria]

I do not have a perfect lover for all my wants and desires, but I have a long time male lover who very much satisfies my needs.

So, if you can't find what you (truly) want,
Just maybe, you can get what you (really) need.
But, maybe, … only, if you realize that what you already have is really wonderful.

very well put :)

[Rambigent]

That's a difficult question for me to answer as it varies depending on the day, hell, even the hour. And I think I'm a fairly stable guy! I think in general I want to expand my group of friends. I would like to have a male friend, or maybe more than one male friend, that I could date/hang out with/hook up with, with my wife's ok and acceptance. It would be a bonus if she liked them as well, and they liked her, and we could all hang out. My wife and I already know some couples that we enjoy spending time with and having sex with; I want to continue with them as well, and maybe even add a few more couples to our circle of friends. Finally I wouldn't mind if my wife had a girlfriend that she'd share with me.

Of course this is largely in the realm of fantasy; lately we barely have time to see the friends we already have. I'm terrible with time management as it is. My dream of an ever-expanding harem of friends and lovers is probably not gonna work out but I'm gonna keep looking and hoping. In the meantime I'm happy and grateful for my wife and the friends we have. I've met someone here who I really enjoy chatting with (when we get the chance to be online at the same time!) and hopefully we'll eventually get to meet up. I'm not actively looking for a deep romantic relationship with a man OR with a woman - I already have that with my wife and it's a lot of work to keep one relationship working - but I'm not ruling it out either. I guess basically I'm just looking for friends who I can connect with on an intellectual, emotional, and preferable physical level - and if we get more involved than that, it's fine too.

Gosh, this makes me sound like a real slut. But I'm gonna leave this post as is and hope I'm not judged too harshly by the more relationship-minded members. :tong:

[jem_is_bi]

very well put :)

I very much hope what you already have is really wonderful!

[polybi]

Someone to love me for the rest of my life, I guess.

[guycurious]

I would like to find a guy who is both a friend and a lover (in a sexual way). I think it would be awesome to have someone who can come over, have dinner, laugh, joke and everyone is comfortable. Someone we would go bowling with, or go to the local pub, movies, etc.

I would like to find someone who I could spend time alone with and my wife would be okay. Someone my wife could spend time with and I would be okay.

Given the fact we've been searching for over two years all of the above is probably just fantasy but everyone needs a dream.

[miamiuu]

I would be very worried if some guy that had a female wife wanted to have a relationship with me like that. Guys arent the nicest people in the world. A lot of it could be the new person just worrying that if they do get emotionally involved with your husband he could always toss them to the side cus he already has you.

I dont believe in being with a man and woman at the same time and having relationships like that with them

[12voltman59]

I guess the troll is back!!

Hey Drew---take care of that bozo, would ya??

[Skiffy]

Great question Belle. Having a friend with benefits or a long term bi relationship is, I think, the goal of many a man on this site. Your hubby is lucky to have an understanding wife like you...doesn't happen often.

IMHO a great solution would be for the two of you to look for a similar couple to yourselves, bi husband - straight wife. I'm not suggesting swapping or 3/4 ways or anything like that or even that you would have anything more than a passing friendship with the other woman and the shared knowledge that your husbands are keeping each other happy as friends and lovers. In this way neither of the guys would need to skulk around, set up "dates" or make excuses, which seems to be a big factor with bi relationships, and both you and the other wife would be OK with "Hey Honey I'm going over to Bill's house Sunday afternoon and we might not watch the game." You and she would have to be OK with the two of them making love in your homes and I guess it would be best if neither of you women ever participated just to keep that aspect out of the equation.

Maybe I'm just dreaming here but it sounds like a decent way to go - not suggesting of course that you haven't tried this already. Seems like in a big city like Boston there would have to be some couple that would fit this scenario.

Cheers

[onewhocares]

A lot of it could be the new person just worrying that if they do get emotionally involved with your husband he could always toss them to the side cus he already has you.



What a most interesting comment.....but what about this spin on what you said......what if it was the WIFE who was tossed aside? Or in the case of this situation in reverse and it twas the HUSBAND of a bi woman?

Has someone here had this happen to them?

Belle

[sterculius]

As has been pointed out repeatedly on this and other forums, bisexuality encompasses a very wide spectrum of preferences depending on ones primary orientation. In my case, I can only see myself bonding emotionally with a woman but I enjoy oral sex with men. Having said that, however, I could see myself being close friends with a suck buddy. In fact my first suck buddy WAS my best friend.

[curious44]

My first suck buddy was also my best friend. That was a jr. high thing and we are still the best of friends today. I have another friend who we met during our swinging days that I had a bi-sexual relationship with for several years. He has a beautiful cock that I couldn't get enough of. He eventually stopped the sex part because his wife started to object and they eventually stopped swinging. I'm sure the "ageing process" and wives going through menopause all were contributing factors. We are still good friends, go out together socially and enjoy each other's companies. That being said, if he wanted to have sex again, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
I think the difference for me is a romantic relationship vs. a friendship. Yes, I've had sex with good friends and enjoyed it. It was always better than random encounters. And I would love to have another friendship relationship that could develop into a sexual one also. But as for romance, I have a wife of over 40 years that is my sole romantic interest.

[bigbare35]

I personally want a couple that I can have a long term relationship with both. together or separate.:2cents: