my boyfriend broke up with me, oh soo sad! :(

[spamer-man]

well befor i met him i was straight, then i realized a was bi and he was o wonderfull, he was the first boyfriend i had ever had. realy it was the first relationship i had ever been in, i have never realy had a boyfriend or a gurlfriend befor him nothing serious atleast we were only going out for about 5 mounths or more but i loved him. and then we broke up. i went back to the way i was befor i met him i cut myself for about 3 days straight (yes im cutter) and so many suicidal thoughts so fast, but dont worry i probly wont kill myself. anyway the only one who is here for me right now is my friend who is gay and maybe a few others who are there to offer a pat on the back, but he has been so great to me and always there. well i just felt you all should know.

[julie]

Hello Spamerman,

So sad to read your story, how painful, you must have really connected with this guy.

Did the cutting help? I hope you feel some kind of release that will help keep you safe. You survived though, to experience the love of your friends and I wonder if this relationship with your boyfriend will keep delivering treasured memories and experiences long after you both have gone your separate ways?

For now though, just nurture yourself, enjoy your friends, this site etc. I guess many people on here can identify with the intensity of the pain following the loss of first love. You are not alone Hon, as much as you may feel it.

Take care yeah,

Love julie xx

[hupamone]

Spamerman, please get help!!! You don't have to deal with this pain alone. You can get help. You might want to get a counselor. Maybe antidepressants would help. There is NO shame in getting help, in fact, it is a sign of STRENGTH if you can get help for yourself. I know cutting may seem to give you a sense of temporary relief, but we both know it is only TEMPORARY relief and then you feel the need to do it again. Please take care of yourself.

I know it hurts when a relationship ends. I know it's hard to see that you can love again, but the fact that you have loved once means you can do it again! I'm not saying that "to have loved and lost is better than not to have loved at all" because losing someone hurts so very much. On the other hand, you can take the good memories and treasure those for a lifetime. You will meet someone else. I don't know when that'll happen. You'll love again and be loved again.

Know that you have support here. We've all (hopefully) been there, had a relationship end. Sometimes the end of a relationship is also the opportunity for a new beginning. You know more about yourself now, hopefully, than you did prior to this relationship. You have more to offer. Later, you'll be able to support others going thru this kind of pain.

I have the feeling you are young. I'm 39. I've loved and lost more than once or twice. I know it seems unsurvivable at the time, but later on, there are good memories that help you move ahead. Spend time with friends, let yourself get past this grief and at some point (maybe sooner than you think) you'll meet someone special who also thinks you're special. Think of the great memories you can create with this next person. But you can only create these fantastic memories in the future if you're here! Suicide is NOT a solution and think of the grief you will bring to those who love you if you do act on those suicidal thoughts. I don't think you want to hurt anyone else. So if you cannot choose to live for yourself, choose to live so that your family and friends are not hurt by your death. Think of the horrendous grief they would feel and choose to be strong and to live. Again, seek help. Seeking help is NOT, again, a sign of weakness. It takes strength to admit we need help. A good counselor could help you to move through the stages of grief we face when a relationship ends and help you to see the future possibilities that life holds.

Best wishes to you!

[spamer-man]

well thank you, i do apretiate ur help. but i think im better now i stoped cutting yesterday and i dont want to kill myself to badly right now so i guess im getting better but i cant realy do much to get help. so i pretty much just gotta try to ride it out and hope or the best. but thanx anyway guess.

[julie]

Hi Spamer man,

I'm glad you are in from the edge a bit. Do you think your initial reaction was so powerful because of the shock? I guess you will still get waves of grief when your compulsion to cut/ kill yourself feels overwhelming. One way to help yourself not to give in to these feelings is to try and remind yourself that these feelings will pass, you wont always be in this wretched place. Easy to say and so much harder to do, I know, but judging by your last post you are already on that journey.

Take care spamer man, the fact you feel so deeply gives testamony to the sweet sensitive man you are- quite a catch for the right person ;)

love julie xx

[SpicyMeatBall.JS]

I am sorry to hear this. Its always a hard tie to loose someone you care about..I wish you well, and know that you will heal, and get on just fine. :three:

[TouchableTina4]

I hope everything is better now. I had a friend who was a cutter. But she got help and found a counsler. She is doing so much better and I am glad she got the help. It won't hurt for you to see a counsler. They are there to listen and help you.