first time ??????

[Scooby]

i recently came out to my wife and she has been really supportive of me even allowing me to explore my feelings for other men if i want to, which as yet i havent.

i have never had any kind of sexual contact with another man but i really want to and i have been approched by someone but im nervous about going ahead with it. i worry about the effect actualy doing something could have on my relationship with my wife (which has actually got stronger since coming out) and whether its really worth the risk.

If i was to do something i would discuss it in advance with her so theres no problem with trust and honesty so i suppose i what i really want to know is how do you know when its the right time?

any and all comments welcome

Thank you

[cchalmer]

You have taken the most important step....talking to your wife. If she is ok with it.....talk to her some more....and then some more again. I know I'm preaching a lot of talk but in my opinion that is the most important thing you can do. You have found someone so now talk to your wife about him. Is she interested in being present?? That might solve some of your issues. Only you can decide if the time is right or not. There is no magic formula here. But again in case you missed my point....talk....talk....talk.

[meteast chick]

Scooby, I'm in the exact opposite situation. I'm bi-curious and my husb is straight. I have no good answers either, but I want you to know that we're all here to lend an "ear". My husb is interested in a ffm 3way, but thinks if I get intimate with another girl on my own, that's cheating, and then I just don't know because I don't want to ruin my marriage and the beautiful family I have created. At least the lines of communication are open, and you and I both will have to test out those lines and see how strong our relationships really are. I wish both you and I good luck on this venture!

[Gemini523]

I agree with the open communication, that's for sure. My wife was actually the first one of us that came out and said I was bi, and in retrospect I guess that is true. I too have never actually had a sexual encounter with another man, but as my wife and I have discussed (usually with the alcohol flowing :tongue: ), should it ever come to happen, she would like to be there, not as a participant, but to watch. That is something that would make us both feel safer, and satisfy needs we both have. I also do feel that I would feel like I was cheating on her if I should go out and have an encounter on my own.

If you have met someone, I think the next step would be to introduce her to your wife, let the three of you get to know each other, and go from there. Not having done it, that would be my best guess as to what to do, and is in fact our plan should I meet someone I was interested in. Of course my wife has also "threatened" to bring someone home that she thinks I would be interested in, so ya never know!

Good luck!

[usedbear1950]

scooby I agree with cchalmer. You and your wife should agree on how you want to proceed and then take small steps. Then talk about what occurred and how each of you feels about the experience and if you think that you must make any revisions. Remember that the feelings of your spouse are equal to yours. Be patient, be loving and be happy.

[fivehighfivelow]

I came out to my wife 10 years ago and my marriage nearly imploded, she is totally straight and felt that I had cheated her, she was so stunned at the time and came very closing to packing and leaving with the children. I love my wife and told her because I could no longer withhold from her something that was so important to me. I did not fully realize the impact it would have on her and whilst we discussed it all in depth I had to eventually slip back into the closet and suppress my feelings and commit myself to her and the family . Of course in the long term this does not work and I am now starting to feel that my emotional stability is wavering so its back to the clandestine meetings , not ideal but better than nothing.
I wonder how many relationships end up on the rocks when a partner comes out to their loved one, we often hear of the success stories but equally, human nature being what it is there must be a flip side. Good luck to anyone doing it though I still think it is the right thing to do.

[kenny]

Unless you want to supress your feelings or lie..come clean to her. Even if you split up, you will never be happy until you live out your desires (within reason).