Bi from the other direction.

[Gay2Bi]

Hi, everyone!

I just joined yesterday and thought I'd say hello.

To start off, I'm a bicurious guy. While that's not too uncommon here, what makes me different - and seemingly alone - is that I'm coming to bisexuality from the other direction. Most bicurious guys seem to start off straight and then notice that their buddies look pretty good too. With me, I've been gay ever since I could remember - my first sexual fantasies were with men. It's only within the last couple of years that that's begun to change.

Aside from a brief phase in high school when I tried to fit in and convince myself I was straight, I never had any interest in women. (Even then I never became more than "just friends" with a girl; I'm still a virgin in that respect.) When I got to college, all thoughts of trying to be straight disappeared and women for the most part were forgotten. If I noticed them at all, it was because they were hanging all over the guys that *I* wanted to be hanging all over. They were competition, and I thought quite uncharitably of them. :tong:

Flash forward to a few years ago. I was surfing the net for some, er, "educational material," and I came across a photo set of two really cute guys going at it. Then, to my surprise, a girl showed up. :eek: Normally, I would have given up and moved on at that point, but for some reason, I was curious to see what would happen next. Well, what happened next was that I discovered bi porn and couldn't get enough. I thought it was hot to watch two guys having fun with each other *and* a girl. Over the years, I've even been getting into straight porn.

Needless to say, for a gay man, this was confusing as hell. It still is to a certain degree. I'm still mostly attracted to men, but I have a strong desire to be with a woman. Relationshipwise, well, I'm not sure what I want. I thought I wanted to be with a man and have the occasional male or female playmate join us. Now, after reading the "Choices" comic linked on this site, I'm kinda thinking that that might be a lot closer to ideal - or at least a hell of a lot more fun!

I guess why I've joined is that I'm looking to meet people who understand that yes, I like guys - and sometimes girls too. I can't help feeling very isolated sometimes: most women aren't interested in dating a gay man - they don't believe me when I say that I'm bicurious; couples with straight men don't work because the straight man invariably freaks out even if I promise to keep my hands to myself; and gay men think I'm "betraying the cause" as it were. From reading through some of the threads, it looks like I might be in the right place.

Looking forward to meeting everyone!

[12voltman59]

Welcome---actually--in the past we have had some "bicurious" people who have come here to the site who were gay or lesbian and they wanted to know what it was like to be with an opposite gender partner---so----we have pretty much seen it all here----just like for those of us who follow the more "traditional path" of being straight and had a sense we wanted to be with someone of the same gender--this site is a pretty friendly and welcoming community--and its a good place to find out for yourself what you are seeking---

Once again--welcome and I hope you find the answers to those questions that you feel you need to have answered.

[littlerayofsunshine]

Welcome Gay2bi,

I will admit while your situation is uncommon, there are a few males here that are/have been where you are. I can't think of them right now. But I am sure you will come across them. I believe you when you say how difficult it has been at times understanding and coming to terms/the confusion. So I want to welcome you here with open arms. I hope you enjoy the site and you make many friends here. So... WELCOME to the world of Bisex.com. All kinds of people here from all walks of life and I wish you luck in what you seek hun.

[Gay2Bi]

Hi,12volt and sunshine!

Thanks for writing. I knew I couldn't have been the only one out there - it just feels like it sometimes. That's really why I joined, so I could meet other people in the same boat, and find others who understand that attraction isn't always either/or and who won't judge me when I say it's both.

I think the worst part is that no one really knows what to do with me. As I said, women think I'm joking, straight men get uptight, and gay men think I'm a traitor. At least if I'd started off straight and then got into guys, gay men would be all for it. ;)

It's nice to know I'm not alone!

[12voltman59]

Hi,12volt and sunshine!

Thanks for writing. I knew I couldn't have been the only one out there - it just feels like it sometimes. That's really why I joined, so I could meet other people in the same boat, and find others who understand that attraction isn't always either/or and who won't judge me when I say it's both.

I think the worst part is that no one really knows what to do with me. As I said, women think I'm joking, straight men get uptight, and gay men think I'm a traitor. At least if I'd started off straight and then got into guys, gay men would be all for it. ;)

It's nice to know I'm not alone!

Gay2Bi--I wish I could recall the guys who "came from your direction" to bisexuality--I don't know if they are still here or not---I am sure that if you hang around here for a time--you will find them--or find others in your situation who join us in the future---come join us in the chat room sometime--that is also a good place to get known around here.

Hope to see you in there and also posting up other threads.

[DiamondDog]

Welcome to the site.

What you wrote about is pretty common and there are lots of men who come out as being gay first and then later discover that they are bisexual.

[codybear3]

Welcome to the site, Gay2bi... You came to the right place for all kinds of input from really good folks... :paw::paw:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol Viva La Difference'. :}
Welcome Gay. You'll find some fantastic fun loving people here, and there are a couple of members from Philly, too. :}
Pop in on us in chat sometime. We're crazy, but we have fun being that way. :}
Cat
Everybody's Cat;)

[robbie09]

Whilst I am not in the same boat it is refreshing to hear from someone coming at it from the other direction. I am sure there are many others. It reinforces the Klein view that sexuality is fluid and can and does change.

There has been recent "press" that has suggested that bi-sexuality is simply a stop along along the road to homo sexuality. It is nice to see some traffic coming in the another direction. Welcome aboard!

[Gay2Bi]

Hey,

Thanks everyone for the great welcomes! I've only recently come out to myself as bi - I still kept thinking of myself as gay even while fantasizing about women (well, yes, okay men *did* find their way into these fantasies, but they started out with women!). I'm looking forward to hanging out in chat just as soon as I have a little more time to enjoy it - hopefully later this week!

[NEPHX]

Hey Gay2Bi, in working with bi support groups online and in the real world for a number of years as well as dating a lot of guys, I've meet A LOT of men who secretly feel they are not gay or straight. Of course, the other direction is much, much more common especially with the Internet.

Some started out not knowing what they were but thought they had to choose. They went with gay at first or, maybe after being with women, more due to society pressure (from both sides of the pond - str8 & gay). Most shared similar issues of not being accepted as "really gay" if you like women too.

I always knew I wasn't straight and I wasn't gay.. I didn't know what I was and society said str8 was the way.. so I just had emotional relationships with guys for years. I was married to a female, kids, etc... was out to her and we even tried a triad for 4 years. Eventually, we broke up (other reasons). At the time, all the non-profit volunteer groups would consider me very freaky (being bi always blowing the bi horn to keep the B in LGBT) while (or Whilst for our Aussie/NZ Robbie ;-) since I always everywhere with my male partner even at all the black tie functions (and sometimes all together at Pride) they thought I was really just gay as we have good energy together and look like we just go together.

Now, that I'm just with my male partner (of 7 years now) and we have my children (down to one now), people assume I'm just gay. Nothing has changed though... I still prefer both....

And a good number of guys that I've known have confided that they actually do have some (or more) attraction to women emotionally and/or sexually. But, most of the time, they don't really know how to go about meeting women or couples. After all, its not really the same as meeting guys.

This might sound odd but to me, it was funny... one guy I worked with asked me after a good bit of discussion how he can meet a girl for sex.. should he just go into a str8 bar and ask a women to go home with him. I suggested REALLY quickly that it might not really be the best approach although I'm sure it happens. That's more a guy cruisin guy thing....

One thing Gay2Bi, that you didn't mention was finding a couple where the guy is openly bisexual and the couple is looking for a male to join them. That's very common. But, its always best to make sure your agendas match. There are as many variations on what a couple looks for when in a 3-way as there are grains of sand :three: But I would think you would want to make sure the female is as interested in you as the male is... often it might not be as the guy is most interested in the 2nd guy for himself as its "different." :banghead: then ur right back where you started from!

As far as relationships.... (not just the sex part)... If you think a relationship with one person is tough to make work in the long run.... a triad relationship is not just twice as much work its exponentially more work.... but like anything else, worth it if you can find the right people. :three:

[swmnkdinthervr]

Well...I chose this as my/our first post here because we were going to ask if anyone here had knowledge of this scenario!!!

Gay2Bi...you are the personification of our curiosity!!! I'm the usual str8 to bi male...I had this bi curiosity when I was in my early teens and played a little then but like most men I acted/lived str8, my wife never even considered any play outside our relationship until I told her of my longings, she is VERY, VERY by aroused watching me with a guy...she too is bi.

I think represent a different aspect of bisexuality too...the male body while attractive never really aroused me like the female form but I'm absolutely, totally fascinated by cock!!! I love the texture, the warmth, the taste and now I've recently become extremely interested in having one fill me up!!!

J & S

[welickit]

Welcome to the nest. You are not as alone as it may seem. We do volunteer work at pride events and while we are a both bi couple we come in contact with oodles of gay and lesbian's. We had assumed that there would be lots of rejection based on our sexual preferences. We couldn't have been more wrong. Many, many of the friends we have made are either actually bisexual or they have thoughts of giving it a try. One lounge we go to (gay/lesbian) we get lots of questions about being bisexual. The most common question is: What attracts us to a given individual. The answer is always the same, we aren't really sure. What attracts us to one person over another will forever be a mystery. I think personality has a good deal to do with it. Some people give you a bad first impression while others you just click with immediately.
You are certainly not alone in your feelings and you are most certainly in good company here to discuss the issue. Pull up a keyboard and join the fun.
Good Luck
Welickit

[M. Wolfe]

Thanks Gay2bi, you've answered a question I've been wondering about for a while now. I suppose it comes down to the fact that there are many times more straits out there than gays, so it stands to reason that there would be many times more strait2bi's than gay2bi's.

So welcome and thanks.

[matt777]

I am a gay-to-bi male (happened later for me about 2 yrs ago, I am 45). I currently have a male partner, but have a girlfriend too who is introducing me to str8 sex. My male partner knows and we are all friends, but my girlfriend is helping me to explore. I actually am liking str8 sex better that m/m sex. Go figure....? Don't know where this is going, but I feel like I may have been latently "more str8" than gay and maybe didn't know it. Wherever it goes, I have been honest with everyone involved. I'm getting the cold shoulder, though, from some of my gay guy friends. If I was str8, and starting to go for men, I think they would be all for it. Questions or comments welcome.-Matt

[Gay2Bi]

Hi, everyone, and thanks for all of the responses!


One thing Gay2Bi, that you didn't mention was finding a couple where the guy is openly bisexual and the couple is looking for a male to join them. That's very common.

Where are these people? ;) Unfortunately, I've had no luck finding couples with bi males; mostly, it's couples with straight men looking for bi females. While I can respect that, it still gets frustrating to see "No single males" in profiles! :soapbox: Ahem. Oh...


As far as relationships.... (not just the sex part)... If you think a relationship with one person is tough to make work in the long run.... a triad relationship is not just twice as much work its exponentially more work.... but like anything else, worth it if you can find the right people.

I can only imagine how difficult navigating a three-way relationship must be. I'd settle for a two-way relationship - either gender - which includes the occasional "guest" - either gender. Actually, at this point, I'd settle for being the occasional guest... ;)


I think represent a different aspect of bisexuality too...the male body while attractive never really aroused me like the female form but I'm absolutely, totally fascinated by cock!!! I love the texture, the warmth, the taste and now I've recently become extremely interested in having one fill me up!!!


I'm the exact opposite - the female body doesn't turn me on like the male body does. For example, porn scenes with solo women or just women together actually turn me off; I've tried watching them, but there really has to be a guy in it to make it work for me. Certain parts and associated activities do hold a growing fascination however.


The most common question is: What attracts us to a given individual. The answer is always the same, we aren't really sure. What attracts us to one person over another will forever be a mystery. I think personality has a good deal to do with it. Some people give you a bad first impression while others you just click with immediately.

That's kind of my take on it. As I mentioned above, I'm not really attracted to women in general, but under certain circumstances, it just clicks and then I start thinking, "Well, that could be interesting..."


Thanks Gay2bi, you've answered a question I've been wondering about for a while now. I suppose it comes down to the fact that there are many times more straits out there than gays, so it stands to reason that there would be many times more strait2bi's than gay2bi's.

I guess that does make sense. Also, when you identify as gay, it's often a big step, so you feel you have to "stick with the program" as it were. Then when something like this comes along, it's like coming out all over again.


I am a gay-to-bi male (happened later for me about 2 yrs ago, I am 45). I currently have a male partner, but have a girlfriend too who is introducing me to str8 sex. My male partner knows and we are all friends, but my girlfriend is helping me to explore. I actually am liking str8 sex better that m/m sex. Go figure....? Don't know where this is going, but I feel like I may have been latently "more str8" than gay and maybe didn't know it. Wherever it goes, I have been honest with everyone involved. I'm getting the cold shoulder, though, from some of my gay guy friends. If I was str8, and starting to go for men, I think they would be all for it.

First off, you're lucky to have found two such understanding partners. For me, I don't think I'm latently more straight because I'm still almost entirely into men, but, since I've never actually had straight sex, it's hard to say. Honesty is definitely the best policy, even if a lot of gay men don't seem to understand that it's not a one way street from straight to gay/bi! (And yes, I thought that way too, until very recently...)

[Jackal]

Welcome to the forum, it's nice to see all kinds here. In my early teens and a little before that (say 10-12) I thought I was gay because I liked girls and thought that made me gay no matter what I felt for men. But I never said anything about it and figured that since I liked men I was straight and then realized that I like both even if I wasn't supposed to and then figured out I'm not the only one and I'm not really "supposed" to be anything. I think that sexuality is a journey for a lot of people and I hope yours goes well.

[Gay2Bi]

I think that sexuality is a journey for a lot of people and I hope yours goes well.

I hope so too. And I hope it starts going well soon! ;)

[M. Wolfe]

I guess that does make sense. Also, when you identify as gay, it's often a big step, so you feel you have to "stick with the program" as it were. Then when something like this comes along, it's like coming out all over again.

Yea,that's the trouble with adopting labels is that there is baggage that comes with it. I think people are more afraid of the title than the associated behaviour. So obviously if someone comes out as gay, that would act as sorta a dedication. If you do come out as one thing or the other, and then subsequently decide that's not what you are then people will look at you as indecisive.

[vip2469]

MWC here. Me the male is bi/curious. Wife is str8. Too bad your so far away.
You could show me while she showed you!! :)

[footlady]

omg, i have been in love with a gay dude for the last year, and i have not been able to move any mountains with him. in fact he has a lover, bi guy, and he's willing to be with me and someone else. but it is hard for me, since what i really wanted was to be with my gay dude. In fact since that has happened, i really have not cared so much for going out with the 'straight' dudes; honestly though,i would give anything in the world to be with my gay dude, and i think it is so sexy when he kisses and touches his lover.Unfortunately, he doesn't feel the same way about me, and i can't seem to shake him off. I have come to the realization that he is just not into me, and that this is the underlying problem. Another problem is the transgenerational thing; he's 22 and i'm 52, and i think that makes him feel like i'm his mom or maybe it disgusts him or something. He knows how I feel about him, but being how gay he is, he always puts up walls with me. 'don't trust him' huh. You have been one of the few people, truly gay, that has opened up about this and i really appreciate it. Perhaps i just have to get use to the idea that 'he is just not into me.' :(

[Gay2Bi]

MWC here. Me the male is bi/curious. Wife is str8. Too bad your so far away.
You could show me while she showed you!! :)

Yeah, unfortunately, NYC's just a bit far for a date! ;) Still, it's nice to know that they are couples out there who accept/are looking for single bi men. I'm starting to think I need to relocate, though, because all of the couples I find are in NYC or LA. Geographically challenged - the story of my life! ;)

[Gay2Bi]

omg, i have been in love with a gay dude for the last year, and i have not been able to move any mountains with him.
...

Unfortunately, he doesn't feel the same way about me, and i can't seem to shake him off. I have come to the realization that he is just not into me, and that this is the underlying problem.

That's sort of similar to me with some of my straight guy friends. Obviously, they'd be much happier with me than with any woman - obviously - and hey, I'd be willing to have a woman join us occasionally, but they just don't seem to get it. ;) And sometimes it's really hard to let go of the fantasy that it will work out somehow.


Another problem is the transgenerational thing; he's 22 and i'm 52, and i think that makes him feel like i'm his mom or maybe it disgusts him or something.

For me, I try to be open minded about who I'm attracted to - especially now that women are on the radar - but I seem to gravitate to people around my own age. I think it's the whole "different needs at different stages" thing; I tend to relate best to people who are in the same place - emotionally, professionally, etc. - as I am. This might be the same case with him.


You have been one of the few people, truly gay, that has opened up about this and i really appreciate it. Perhaps i just have to get use to the idea that 'he is just not into me.' :(

Well, I've never been one to be shy about who I am. When I realized that I was no longer "fully gay," I did resist it for awhile. I even used the phrase, "It's just a phase." Eventually though, I accepted that this was not "just a phase," so I had to come out all over again - both to myself and to others. Joining this site was a big decision for me - I was admiting in public that I kinda like girls now too :eek: - so when I decided to post, I figured, might as well be honest about who I am and why I'm here. So far, the response has been overwhelmingly positive.

As for your friend, it's probably best to leave it as a fantasy. If he's "fully gay" and not bi, he won't be thinking of you in a sexual or romantic way, and if he feels even a bit of pressure - whether you intend it or not - those walls he puts up could become permanent. Yes, I still get crushes on some of my hot straight friends, but I've learned that unless one of them makes the first move, it's better to keep it as just a crush and keep looking for the guy - or now girl too - who really clicks with me. That usually works out a lot better! :bigrin:

[kinsey4]

Nice to see that there are others in the same boat as me... I'm a newbie here, and it's been really awesome reading other people's opinions and experiences, but I can TOTALLY relate to what you've written here, and that's refreshing!!

:)

[AsianDream]

Thanks for writing. I knew I couldn't have been the only one out there - it just feels like it sometimes. That's really why I joined, so I could meet other people in the same boat, and find others who understand that attraction isn't always either/or and who won't judge me when I say it's both.

I think the worst part is that no one really knows what to do with me. As I said, women think I'm joking, straight men get uptight, and gay men think I'm a traitor. At least if I'd started off straight and then got into guys, gay men would be all for it. ;)

It's nice to know I'm not alone!

I'm in sort of the same situation - always been a pure Gay - but had my first sex with females out of curiosity a week ago (a MMFF group) and have been having sexual desires for girls since.

Im not in a relationship - I dont think I'll have problems with many of my male sexual partners (quite a few are BI). But have got quite a bit of negatve reaction from my Gay male friends.

One reason my friends question what I feel is that the encounter last week involved a Fetsih the four of us share - which is a major part of my sex life already - so they think it's only that aspect and the novelty of women that appeal to me.

But I definitely think I may have changed - especially now looking at naked women makes my horny. I would have to admit to being highly sexually promiscuous - though very cautious about safe sex.

I notice you mention only having a desire for women - but not acted on it yet? While I guess in my case it seems to be the action that has aroused the desire.

[ohbimale]

Welcome to the site.

I hope you are able to find what you seek.

Blessings.