Message Etiquette and idiots

[Danielle_Tremblay]

Ok, this is the story. I find this message in my in box from Ontarioguy41

"Hello my name is TED. I am NOT here to waste peoples time or cause any problems. I am a ULTRA clean professional male looking for something new and fresh. I am very interested in in your profile and really found your pictures a turn on. If you would like to chat let me know. If not just a thanks but no thanks would be appreciated.
TED"

and decide not to respond as he has a very basic profile and no pictures (my choice entirely). I continue about my business, go on a vacation (it is summer after all) and when i return and finally retrieve my email i get this one....

"I am sure you get alot of msgs, but thanks for NOT replying to mine with a thanks but no thanks if you were not interested."

I understand there is no formal rule to email and that, responding, is the recipients decision. You may think it rude but i believe otherwise. Yes, of course a "thanks but no thanks" would have been nice but, as i explained, i was away on vacation among other things.

at any rate i reply......

"Ok, well, i did get the note of sarcasm in you message but understand one thing.......

I am not here to adhere to anyone else's sense of decorum, that means, you messaged me unsolicited and that means.....you take your chances. I am under no obligation to reply to you either way.....but thanks for evaluating me thusly.

Secondly, you provide NO picture anywhere on your account that i can see and that is paramount to me. My account simply states "if you are confused or unsure of what you want here then leave me alone". I go by attraction firstly then, if that happens i may move on to more personal encounters.

I suggest maybe you should re-evaluate who you are, what you are seeking and how serious you are and then re do your profile.....

D"

I figured he would get the picture and understand as he is such a "Professional" and (in his words) "I am NOT here to waste peoples time or cause any problems", but then he sends this one....

"Wow
What a story on someone who knows who they are...haha and you know what I mean..haha
Thanks for the lecture and enjoy your confused existence.
TED"

Well, it just confirmed all of my suspicions and i was thankful i listened to that little voice inside. I did not respond further....

I Have been this way for most of my life and discovered my bi-sexuality only just a few years ago and have had a couple of experiences with a couple of great, caring men. I have been on this site for a little while and met some wonderful, open minded men and women who have given me nothing but encouragement. I have also met some very scary people who do not have the capacity to be open minded and non-hateful.

I guess i am just throwing this out there for the court of public opinion and to that end, tell me what you think. Was i deserving of this person's hatred or ire or did he over react? I suppose this may help me decide as to whether or not i will stay on this site in the end.

[SWCube]

I think you got it more or less when you said that sending a reply would have been nice, but not necessary. Personally when I send an e-mail to someone I don't know and they don't respond right away, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and figure maybe they are in the hospital, really busy at work, family issues, haven't signed on in a while, or on vacation. To assume anything otherwise, or indeed, to start a personal attack against someone for not responding within my personal idea of an "appropriate amount of time" is not only unacceptable, but it really show who that person is. Maybe "professional" means "I'm married and doing this on the dl and not going to tell anyone". Kinda gives me that vibe anyways. XD

In short, don't argue with idiots. They'll bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. You did the right thing not responding further. My :2cents:

[_Joe_]

You obviously don't understand that we are now living in a very narcissistic society and not everything is about YOU anymore!

Wait I stand corrected.

Nothing is about YOU anymore, its always about the ME!

Sad isn't it, I hear where you're coming from and been there before. It seems the ones that get most upset being ignored are those that don't even provide any details to separate them from the other 1000's of users here.

[MelissaMaven]

"and enjoy your confused existence."

Unfortunately it's not the first time I've heard remarks made along these lines when guys get upset by you turning them down. I guess if at first you don't succeed, attempt to hurt the other person based on their gender transition despite that being what attracted them to you in the first place. Great plan!

Except, you know, for the part where I stopped actually being confused the day I decided to be who I am today.

[allbimyself]

"Hi! I'm a total stranger but I read your profile and think I want to fuck you. I DEMAND that you reply yea or nay even tho I have a skimpy profile and provide you with no further details here. If you don't reply you are RUDE!"

[eddy10]

I always reply,to private messages on web sites to which I am a member, even if just a no thanks. Mainly because that is what I would like in return.

However, when it comes to 'email' I only open mail from trusted sources. Even then, they must first pass through my blocker for junk mail, spam, virus, etc.

[FalconAngel]

This "Ted" guy sounds more like he's either lazy or trying to get his troll on through baiting you.

It just seems to me that if someone is serious about wanting to meet people on a site, then putting up a complete profile would be in order.

Most people base their initial reaction on what they see in the profile, including pictures.

Guys that have blank/near blank profiles with no pics or just with pics of their cocks are the same as the Guidos that hit on every girl in a bar. They are not what they say they are and they are usually fakes or posers.
That is one reason that we post, very specifically in our profile, what we expect from someone who wishes to contact us. If guys don't respect that we either ignore them or tell them so, depending on how they approached us in the first place.

They guys who send us messages of the "You look great, let's meet" variety, if their profile meets our expectations we usually respond in order to see if we can meet and see. As long as their profile tells us enough about them.
They guys who send the "I would love to fuck your wife" type, I respond with a clarification of what we seek and an admonishment for their ignorance at not reading our profile in the first place.
The vast majority of guys that we would like to meet end up being too far away from us.

If we send a message to someone and they don't respond, we just figure that they are not interested. After all, this is not a sex site so much as a community.

You did the right thing in your response. No one should feel compelled to respond, particularly when the person trying to contact you has a near blank profile and doesn't have the decency to even have some kind of picture of themselves to show you.

[**Peg**]

exactly allbi... that's why my profile is rather sparse and harsh sounding, but I tired very quickly of the types of approaches described here. Anyone in the chatroom knows that I'm sincere and warm, but enough is enough.

Danielle I got lots of those when I first came here, and... (see above paragraph) I'm STILL getting them. I am a mean-what-I-say kinda woman, and when I say I won't reply if you don't have something in your profile, I aint kidding. I think in the past 2 years I've made one exception, but only ecause the person was recommended by a friend.

Miss Manners says: if the mail is unsolicited, you are under NO obligation to reply PERIOD.

[TaylorMade]

"Hi! I'm a total stranger but I read your profile and think I want to fuck you. I DEMAND that you reply yea or nay even tho I have a skimpy profile and provide you with no further details here. If you don't reply you are RUDE!"

I will never forget the married guy who propositioned me with an MFM with his black fuck-buddy. . .at the time my profile said no married men and that I wasn't sexually attracted to black guys.

When I reminded him of this, he bitched me out calling my profile tedious. If I could remember his name...

I admit I've named and shamed a couple people , forwarding their PMs to friends of mine on the site and a random person in their home state/province/country.

But now, I think we should sticky this thread as a general MESSAGE FAIL thread.

*Taylor*

[_Joe_]

Is it bad manners to say I want to eat the fuck out of miss manners after screwing the daylights out of her?

[allbimyself]

Only if you haven't showered today, Joe.

[_Joe_]

Sweet. I also know it's good manneres to cover your mouth And say "pardon me" if you have let fly a hearty belch after the eating out. I should write the mister manners book.

/pinkeys up

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

All I can say Danni is that you are more polite than Me, Girlfriend. I'm afraid(depending on my mood and caffine level) that he would have been told to take an Airborne Fornication with himself and/or with the nearest cactus plant...lol
And under no circumstances are you Required to answer an email or IM-PM from someone that you dont know. I've said thanks, but no thanks, right down to I'm not interested on down to Oh Hawl no! So dont feel bad one bit. Rude(only if necessary) Cat

[elian]

"Hi! I'm a total stranger but I read your profile and think I want to fuck you. I DEMAND that you reply yea or nay even tho I have a skimpy profile and provide you with no further details here. If you don't reply you are RUDE!"

Oh yes please!! <grins>

Wait!?..this isn't a private message!!! <grins>


That's a lot like the personal ads I've seen on "Craigslist".

Ahem, <clears throat>..

"Hello, I'm planning to rent a quarter-star rated motel room this weekend in X city while I am away from my wife on business. I plan to have as much sex as possible with many anonymous partners - please bring your wallet stuffed FLUSH with cash and credit cards. Leave all of your illegal weapons at home."

...

<sighs>

At least OP got to see the real maturity level of the "interested party" before getting involved.

[Bisexual Explorer]

One of the good things about being a member is getting those interesting emails that every so often lead to something really good. One of the bad things is getting the emails from (fill in the blanks). It's really not any different from going to a bar or a party. Sometimes you meet interesting people and sometimes not. So, we take the good with the not so good.

I respond to unsolicited emails if the person seems to be sincere but I just don't feel there's a match. The others go right into the trash.

g

[lightningrod53]

Danielle,

Your thread really struck a chord with this guitar player as although I've only been a member for a short time I quickly tired of the numerous e-mails that were not anywhere near the expectations I outlined in my proflie. I even had from one of those "MWM, wife doesn't know (or approve...or I wanna cheat)" and when I replied simply "Read my profile" he replied "What profile?" I finally took down my pic in hopes it would discourage some of these inquiries. I joined this site for intelligent and insightful conversation with like-minded people....if I wanted to get endlessly trolled I could simply put an ad up on Craigslist.

Best regards,

Lightningrod

[TwylaTwobits]

Sighs Danielle, I know the feeling about getting unsolicited mails...I thought my profile was clear enough. Apparently it wasn't so I had to update. More power to ya and hope the message comes through to all those that email then get upset when you don't get a response. Sometimes....just cause you say you want one, it doesn't matter. I love the ones that request the read reciept.....love even more the fact you can say no to it.


Like Cat said you were more patient and polite than I would have been.

[Danielle_Tremblay]

Thank you for all of your comments on this issue, good or bad. I really do respect your input......XO......Danielle

[12voltman59]

Well--the source of those sorts of messages:

A) Ignorant assholes

B) Trolling assholes

C) Frackin' Ignorant As Dirt Assholes

D) Narcisstic, Arrogant as Hell Assholes

E) REALLY BIG ASSHOLES!!!!!

:bigrin::bigrin::bigrin:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

One thing that pisses me off in a heartbeat is someone I dont know being nasty and sarcastic, and some who Demands something from me. I had a guy leave me a message recently on another site and he said, "What you need to do is add me to your privet messenger list and do it Now so I can reach you whenever I want to."
Well....just to be polite I wont tell you when I responded with. *Snicker*
Just because a person emails you doesnt automatically make you obligated to respond if you dont wish. I usually do if nothing else to tell them thank you, or to say, "I appreciate it but no thanks"

But then, some people ya just cant please.
Dont worry bout this guy, hon Rudeness never prospers. :}
Have a good weekend
Cat
(Who has tact and manners...sometime) lol

[void()]

"Hi! I'm a total stranger but I read your profile and think I want to fuck you. I DEMAND that you reply yea or nay even tho I have a skimpy profile and provide you with no further details here. If you don't reply you are RUDE!"

ROFLMAO And thank you for it albi. I think you summed it up real well. Of course, I also love the instant messages in private. "Hi, you're bisexual. Horny?"

Somehow I guess the reply; "No. Maybe you can help though?"; doesn't quite translate correctly. They usually never bother replying further. Me and the wife agree, if you can't even hold a ten minute conversation with us, why should either of us have an average two hours of sex with you?

Tsk, oh well. T'is what t'is. But thanks again for the laughs, really do appreciate them what with the being the resident Poe and all. :-)

[Alaskan Couple]

Dayum!

I'm thinking maybe I need to take all the "filter 'em out" verbiage off our profile, 'cause it's seems to be working too good! Sounds like every one else is getting hit on all the time...and I don't even get any annoying messages off this site...much less encouraging ones???

Nah! Can't be me...must be because there's like only four or five other members from Alaska...and three of them are bi women...maybe if I offer free round-trip transportation....but then..what if do and still no one comes???...Oh my! That means...means... it is me...isn't it!! Dayum and Double Dang-It this thread ruined my day!!!!

[jimisbi]

"Hello my name is TED. I am NOT here to waste peoples time or cause any problems. I am a ULTRA clean professional male looking for something new and fresh. I am very interested in in your profile and really found your pictures a turn on. If you would like to chat let me know. If not just a thanks but no thanks would be appreciated.
TED"

and decide not to respond as he has a very basic profile and no pictures (my choice entirely). I continue about my business, go on a vacation (it is summer after all) and when i return and finally retrieve my email i get this one....


The polite thing to do would have been to send a PM back saying "no thanks" and then leave it at that. It would have taken 30 seconds to do this, which I'm sure you could have spared.

If the person comes back to you after that then it is that person that needs an attitude adjustment. A little politeness on your part after the first PM would have gone a long ways towards making you look like the good guy here. Instead you come off as arrogant.

[BeautifullyBi]

I try to be courteous, but there are times when I just cannot bring myself to respond...it is not that I am any better than them, it is just an absolute lack of connection. We all associate with those who are of like mind/interest and disassociate with those who aren't...human nature. You must be yourself....think for yourself...love yourself and to hell with everyone who cannot get that.

[mikey3000]

I have to agree with Jimisbi. When someone says hello, it is polite to respond back, either positively or negatively, but a response is propper. If you choose to ignore people cause they don't follow your standards of initial communication, then why have an ad at all? Disable it and your problems will be solved. Sorry to say, but I can see Ontarioguy41's point of view too. :2cents:

Funny thing about common courtesy. It's not all that common anymore. And judging by your use of the term looser in your ad, you're just looking for trouble. Not nice. No, now I totally see Ontarioguy41's point of view.

[allbimyself]

If someone takes the time to fill out their profile with a little bit of effort, or, if they don't want to do that for privacy issues, at least provides enough information in their message to make an informed decision as to whether or not I'm interested, I will reply.

If they can't do that, then they are the ones being rude, not me when I don't reply.

[Long Duck Dong]

I have to agree with Jimisbi. When someone says hello, it is polite to respond back, either positively or negatively, but a response is propper. If you choose to ignore people cause they don't follow your standards of initial communication, then why have an ad at all? Disable it and your problems will be solved. Sorry to say, but I can see Ontarioguy41's point of view too. :2cents:

Funny thing about common courtesy. It's not all that common anymore. And judging by your use of the term looser in your ad, you're just looking for trouble. Not nice. No, now I totally see Ontarioguy41's point of view.

nods... yeah....its ok to ignore profiles and not read profiles but its rude not to reply to people that can not read profiles.......

excuse me..... just out of curiosity... if they can not read profiles..... what in hell would make me think that I need to send them a reply that they may not be able to read......

if it clearly states, not interested, on a persons profile and the person who sends the PM, fails to read that part.... it clearly is not the responsibility of the pm reciever to point out to the sender that not interested means no interested......

its a bit like people that park in disabled car parks when fully fit and healthy than say " but I saw no body around that needed it..... the disabled people should have asked me to move my car......"

[mikey3000]

Well, Ontarioguy41 clearly indicated that he DID read Danielle's ad, and was interested. He said nothing offensive in his initial contact at all. Danielle chose to ignore the message cause she feels it's her perogative to behave as she wishes. Don't Agree with that. Commom decency should prevail. My question for Ontario is, after reading her ad, why would you still be interested?

[_Joe_]

If someone takes the time to fill out their profile with a little bit of effort, or, if they don't want to do that for privacy issues, at least provides enough information in their message to make an informed decision as to whether or not I'm interested, I will reply.

If they can't do that, then they are the ones being rude, not me when I don't reply.

Nothing like taking a good amount of time to write an informative bio, and have someone PM you starting off "where you from". I don't care how old you are, you have enough life left in you to take a few seconds to read a bio and see....if not, then you're not really interested - so why should I be?

[chick_a_dee]

I just got an email on another site and was unimpressed by it. Not even a hello in the message line, just a phone number with the line, "I'm ready asap". As with all emails recieved, I replied. I explained that his vague one-liner email was getting nowhere. His profile was very brief and no photos. I also explained he needs to work on his non-subtle approach in his emails if he expected to get anywhere. We answer all emails as a courtesy.

[SaraSaurus]

I try to always reply to a pm because I do think its the courteous thing to do but at the same time I think people are in no way obligated to do so. I do so because I feel its polite but not everyone has to agree with me on this, its just me. If I was to pm someone and they didn't respond I might be a little sad or disappointed but I'd figure they weren't interested and move on, no reason to get worked up over it.

I know I sound kinda wishy washy on the subject but what I'm trying to say is the pm-er shouldn't have gotten so mad at not getting a response, that's just life- suck it up and get over yourself. But I also want to say that your reply to him was rude and a little bating. By the end of it all I feel you both acted childishly, making judging statements (especially about the other being confused) that had no real basis.

[neverthough]

Ok, this is the story. I find this message in my in box from Ontarioguy41

I guess i am just throwing this out there for the court of public opinion and to that end, tell me what you think. Was i deserving of this person's hatred or ire or did he over react? I suppose this may help me decide as to whether or not i will stay on this site in the end.

[I edited the story out for space reason's only]. Always be who you are, and there is no need to apologise for who you are. If a "no reply" is offensive then the offended should probably leave. Danielle I enjoy just stopping (completely unsolicited) in to see your beauty, it would be a shame if Mr. "thanks but no-thanks" was a cause for your departure.
And thankyou for your images, I had once sent you a (completely unsolicited) comment on that you did not reply to, I was not offended and understand always that no-answer .. is an answer.