transsexuals and straight men

[joshuasalam]

i had a friend pay a hooker for a bj in vegas a while back. he had never been to a big city before and didn't know that things aren't always as they appear. after the bj i told him "you do know that was a tranny that got into your car don't you?" he flipped out. not just a little, but i mean cried and bitched the rest of the trip. i mean it REALLY bothered him. not seeing what the big deal was (he had a good time) i asked my friends if they would have sex with a tranny. "a whole is a whole" was my best friends response. "yeah if she was hot" was another, but my friend who got the bj still didn't want to talk about it. after the trip he admitted after his experience he couldn't stop thinking about t-girls and started watching tranny porn exclusively. now he's asking me if that makes him gay. what do you think?

[cand86]

I've said it before and I'll say it again- gay men aren't interested in transsexual women. Transsexual porn is marketed exclusively at the straight male market, and that's who buys it. I have never met a man who identifies as gay and is attracted to transwomen; most of them are heterosexually-identified, and a few are bisexually-identified.

For the most part, men are masculine, and most of the guys who like trans porn want femininity. They don't want to be with men, because a man is someone with a deep voice and facial hair or stubble and hairy bodies and muscles . . . they want femininity- smooth skin, soft high voices, soft curves, smelling like perfume, pretty faces, sexy clothes. Honestly, transwomen have pretty much nothing in common with men except for the penis.

That said, our society is pretty transphobic, and the belief that transwomen are somehow "still men" or "really men" translates to "You're gay if you have sex with one!". It's complete and utter bunk, of course (ESPECIALLY because when he was with her, he was desiring her and believing her to be a cisgender woman, not getting off on the fact that she had a penis).

Tell him he's normal and fine, and until he starts getting aroused at the idea of men- guys without breasts, makeup, wigs/long hair, and female clothes, in other words- he's just not gay or bisexual. He's straight or, at the most, straight with a gynemimetophilia fetish.

[transcendMental]

It was unclear in the original post whether the hooker was a transsexual as opposed to a cross-dresser or she-male. A transsexual is somebody whose brain-structure differs from the rest of their anatomy: in this case, a male body, but a female brain, and a female gender identity. That kind of transsexual dresses as a women, because it feels right/natural/comfortable for her. Cross-dressers and she-males have a male brain and gender identity, but enjoys dressing as a woman for other purposes, frequently as a sexual kink. (She-males have gone further, to the point of taking hormones or getting surgery to enhance their breasts, but still have a male identity.)

If the hooker was a cross-dresser or she-male, then your friend's initial "ick" reaction may be reasonable: he was misled and had sex with a man by mistake.

On the other hand, if the hooker was a transsexual, then she was a woman, just with an anatomical quirk that she's no more pleased about than your friend was.

If your friend is now fantasizing about having sex with other men dressed as women, then it does sound like he has some interest in men, but just cross-dressed men. That's certainly a kink, and he could have some bisexual tendencies, but it's not even close to the same as being gay.

If, on the other hand, what he's fantasizing about is having sex with women who happen to have a penis, well, I don't know what that means. But it still doesn't sound like he's gay, since the fantasies are about women.

But please don't use the word "tranny" to describe transsexuals, cross-dressers, or she-males. It contributes to people assuming that those three categories are the same, when they are very different. And, speaking as a transsexual, the blurring of those categories feels dehumanizing, as it paints me as nothing more than an object that wears women's clothes and has a penis.

tm

[MarieDelta]

Straight men .... Ewwwwwwwww

Just kidding guys, but seriously 90% of all problems transexual women have are caused by straight men...

TS women are attacked so often by straight men. Therefore when asked I tell my girlfriends to "stay away from those straight boys, it's the bi guys you want." Simply enough, they aren't freaked out if they discover you were born with male anatomy.

As far as being "gay," nothing would or could make your friend gay( or even bi) if he wasn't already.

Or as Dan Savage says - even straight men like to suck a little cock now and again!
( http://www.thestranger.com/savage/shemale )

Just my two bits.

~M

[roy m cox]

i know 4 Straight men who loves trans porn and one of them even ended up going out with a trans and they are very cool people :)

:bipride::bipride::bipride::bipride:

[cand86]

Us faggots do not want sex or relationships with transmen or Trannies who have vaginas either.

For me, as a gay man, one of those things is that I am aroused by and enjoy another man's penis as well as the rest of his body, mind, energy, etc. -- and I am NOT aroused by a woman's vagina nor do I enjoy even the thought of the rest of a woman's body in any intimate or sexual way (her mind and energy as a friend--I do very much).

Now if I were single, and a man who I found attractive removed his clothes to reveal a vagina, I would become unaroused and uninterested, period. I wouldn't be freaked out in any way that I found myself attracted to a man who did not have a penis. I was attracted to what I believed to be a man with all the requisite body parts. I would say thank you, but no thanks

I think that for the majority of cases, this is true; it seems like gay men place more emphasis on male genitalia as being important (versus straight women). But of course it's not universally true; the gay men who are subscribers to Buck Angel's site would definitely disagree!

[foreverbi]

My very first experience with a T.G. occured when I was living accross the country from the state where I was born & raised. This is all 100% true.

When I was living in Southern California briefly a sailor friend and I went to a cheap 24 hour movie theater that also featured porn movies. After the movie we decided to walk over to the local bar & have a drink (or 2). We were sitting at the bar when this VERY HOT blond (keep in mind this was a bar) came in. In a few minutes she came to where we were sitting & asked if she could join us at the bar as she said she did not want to be alone. Being young & horny my buddy & I both both jumped at the opportunity of having a beautiful blond sitting with us, so I moved one stool down so she could sit between us.

My buddy (Kevin) & I were both in heaven as we were both sitting there with this great looking girl between us. Time went on & Kevin went to take a piss, when he was coming back the bartender (Lonnie)stopped him & told him something. When he returned to where we were sitting he grabbed his drink & said he was going to sit closer to the TV, so he could better see the baseball game.

That left the blonde (Linda) & myself all alone, so I was not at all unhappy. We sat and exchanged information with each other, then I decide I needed to take a piss. As before with Kevin, Lonnie stopped me & told me maybe I better come over by the TV as Linda just might have more than I bagained for. I was feeling no pain & I thought he was just trying to keep me from scoring, so I went back to be with Linda.

We decided to move to a table as it was darker in that area & we would have more solitude. We sat there and started kissing. Her tongue felt so good in my mouth, that I just had to give her my tongue too. I then decided it was time to 'make my move', so I put my hand down the waste of her skirt & panties. Imagine my surprise when I found myself holdind her moderate sized dick & a set of hairless balls. I had never had a gay thought in my mind, but at that moment I had this uncontollabe urge to suck her dick & lick her balls. All I did was gulp my drink down, then I could not get out of there fast enough.

Shortly after that I discovered my Bi side & all I could think of for a long time was my Linda. I fantasized almost all the time about her taking my oral & anal virginity.

Shortly after this I went back to Illinois to be with my estranged wife. Of course we later divorced. There is no doubt in my mind, that if I had stayed out West I would have become one of the biggest male sluts that town ever knew as now I have sucked many dicks & have discovered that I love the feeling of sucking some other guys dick, just knowing I am causing him so much pleasure & he was giving me a big (or not so big) load of cum to swallow.

Now I an old man, but I'll always have my memories.

I'm sorry this post was so long, but I just had to share the life experience with someone. I have never shared this with anyone, not because I am ashamed of it, but because the subject has never came up. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much I had living it.

D

[69luvr]

i had a friend pay a hooker for a bj in vegas a while back. he had never been to a big city before and didn't know that things aren't always as they appear. after the bj i told him "you do know that was a tranny that got into your car don't you?" he flipped out. not just a little, but i mean cried and bitched the rest of the trip. i mean it REALLY bothered him. not seeing what the big deal was (he had a good time) i asked my friends if they would have sex with a tranny. "a whole is a whole" was my best friends response. "yeah if she was hot" was another, but my friend who got the bj still didn't want to talk about it. after the trip he admitted after his experience he couldn't stop thinking about t-girls and started watching tranny porn exclusively. now he's asking me if that makes him gay. what do you think?

I should be so lucky! I'd love to be with a tranny that looks and feels good!

[capricornx22]

I thought labeling was something that straight people did but it seems everyone does it. To me attraction is up to each of us as well is sexual preference. I have only loved women but had sex with both women and boys as a youth and am attracted to cross dressers and fair skinned men, I also haven't had sex with a man as an adult.

[_Joe_]

Straight men .... Ewwwwwwwww

Just kidding guys, but seriously 90% of all problems transexual women have are caused by straight men...

TS women are attacked so often by straight men. Therefore when asked I tell my girlfriends to "stay away from those straight boys, it's the bi guys you want." Simply enough, they aren't freaked out if they discover you were born with male anatomy.

As far as being "gay," nothing would or could make your friend gay( or even bi) if he wasn't already.

Or as Dan Savage says - even straight men like to suck a little cock now and again!
( http://www.thestranger.com/savage/shemale )

Just my two bits.

~M

Pft Marie, even the straight women should get a bi guy. I know I know, so much demand, so little supply.

[bemyonlyone]

I don't think that "tranny" is a nice word...

And that guy in the OP was an idiot. Straight guys like that are so stupid, this is why I find myself not attracted to straight men more and more.

[Luffly1]

I don't think that "tranny" is a nice word...

And that guy in the OP was an idiot. Straight guys like that are so stupid, this is why I find myself not attracted to straight men more and more.

Wow let's piss and moan some more about how people are judging YOU LMAO!

[MarieDelta]

I don't think that "tranny" is a nice word...

And that guy in the OP was an idiot. Straight guys like that are so stupid, this is why I find myself not attracted to straight men more and more.

It isnt, but we're working on getting them to not use the other , worse words...

[Bisexual Explorer]

When I was much younger I used to cross dress, all my partners were married guys (I didn't know about bis back then). And as a bi man, I am fascinated by trans-sexuals and cross dressers of both genders. So speaking from personal experience only, it seems to me that trans-sexuals and bis do go together.
g

[NEPHX]

..... when asked I tell my girlfriends to "stay away from those straight boys, it's the bi guys you want." Simply enough, they aren't freaked out if they discover you were born with male anatomy.


lol... yes, and I think all in all, bi guys that have had female lovers are better lovers. If I'm attracted to someone, the plumbing doesn't really matter while I've never specifically sought tg folks to date, I did have a serious crush for the longest time on a trans f2m until he took hormones and got husky totally changing appearance. :-( but, he's happier now.

[void()]

A lady is a Lady. A gentleman is a Gentleman. But some folks are given the wrong bodies. A lady is still a lady, and a gent, a gent. I recall first chatting with MD. Folks were being weird in chat, like trying to send me coded messages. "Um, hey she's a he."

I didn't care because she was still a she, and a lady to me. I think in the end it comes down to being something called respect and dignity, give it and you get it back. I use the term transformer to describe people that are changing, or butterflies. It's a beautiful thing they do, requiring great courage and conviction. So, it bugs me seeing folks be disrespectful of that.

At the same time, it takes all kinds. And the world is indeed perfect because it has imperfection. I'm just passing through.

[brutal_priestess]

I think the reason why straight men are freaked out by transexuals as well as male cross-dressers is because society is largely patriarchal these days. Men have more power than women so a man choosing to act, dress, or become a woman threatens that balance of power. It mystifies most men, especially in the case of losing the penis and choosing to be penetrated, the "submissive partner". It's like a king choosing to be a peasant.

It's also why straight men are freaked out by male homosexuality. What they (hell most people) don't realize is that there's nothing weak about getting fucked. With a considerate enough lover, it is an equal act of give and take.

[MarieDelta]

I think the reason why straight men are freaked out by transexuals as well as male cross-dressers is because society is largely patriarchal these days. Men have more power than women so a man choosing to act, dress, or become a woman threatens that balance of power. It mystifies most men, especially in the case of losing the penis and choosing to be penetrated, the "submissive partner". It's like a king choosing to be a peasant.

It's also why straight men are freaked out by male homosexuality. What they (hell most people) don't realize is that there's nothing weak about getting fucked. With a considerate enough lover, it is an equal act of give and take.

Yeah, in some ways...

In other ways we are all the same to some straight white males.

Like Poetry?



cocky (http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=a95JP8i8GuE)
we are often told that we are living in a man’s world
and in this culture
no image represents power
more than the phallic symbol
and if the penis equals power
then i am illegally armed
and my body
full of freckles and feminine curves
is like a stealth bomber
i fly just under everyone’s radar
but only because they choose not to see me
only because nobody wants to believe
that a sweet, petite green-eyed girl like me
could ever possibly be packing heat

they say that it’s not the size of the wand
but the magic that it does
well after many months on estrogen
my penis is pretty darn small
but she has supernatural powers
she’s like some pissed off ancient greek goddess
my penis changes the meanings of everything
and because of her
every single one of my heterosexual ex-girlfriends
has slept with a lesbian
and every guy who hits on me these days
could be accused of being gay
because my penis bends everyone who's straight
and she can make the most entitled cat callers and womanizers
scurry away with their tails between their legs
all because of six small words
“i use to be a man”

and being a transsexual
i realize that most people see my femaleness
as a facade
an elaborate hoax
but i am more real
than any of them could ever hope to be
i am real because unlike them
my gender is not based upon what other people think of me
and that may make me an object of ridicule
but i am not the butt of anyone's jokes
because i know that people make fun of trannies
because we are the one thing that they fear the most
i am more bad-ass than any gangster
more dangerous than an entire marine corps
my penis is more powerful
than the cocks of a million alpha males all put together
because when a man is defined as that which is not female
and a woman is defined as that which is not male
then i am the loose thread
that unravels the gender of everyone around me

they say its not the size of the boat
but the motion of the ocean
well my penis gives most people sea sickness
she makes them dizzy
because most people are not secure enough
with their own masculinity or femininity
to survive a night in the sack with me
my penis turns simple sexual pleasures into political acts
she turns biological impossibilities into cold hard facts
my penis is the curiosity
that you’ve been told will kill your cat
see my penis can be deadly
especially to me

and i’ve heard almost every true crime story
about what frightened macho boys do to trannies
every bludgeoning and mutilation
bodies beaten beyond recognition
and i’ve imagined it all happening to me in first person
and every time i get up in front of a crowd
to perform one of my out-spoken word pieces
i can feel myself morph into a slow moving target
and at the end of the night
when i walk back to my car
i'll be holding my breath
half-expecting that inevitable blow to the back of the head
and sometimes i wonder why it hasn’t happened yet
and sometimes i wonder why they don’t just get it over with
and sometimes i just wish i was dead

see i never wanted to be dangerous
and i spent most of my life
wishing that i didn’t have a penis
and i used to hate my body
for not making any sense to me
and these days i often hate it
for being so in between
and some mornings i can barely get up out of bed
because my body is so weighed down
with ugly meanings
that my culture has dumped all over me
see i've been made to feel shame and self-loathing
so that everyone else can take comfort
in what their bodies mean
and if i seem a bit cocky
well that's because i refuse
to make apologies for my body anymore
i am through being the human sacrifice
offered up to appease other people’s gender issues
some women have a penis
some men don’t
and the rest of the world
is just going to have to get the fuck over it
and if i am destined to be the loose thread
that unravels the gender of everyone around me
then i am going to pull
and pull
and pull
until everyone is exposed
until they all finally see that all along
they were merely wearing the emperor’s new clothes

and i know that people don’t like it
when i turn the tables on them
but what the hell else am i supposed to do?
play a hand that was dealt
from a deck of cards
that's been stacked against me?

and if i seem a bit cocky
that’s because i've spent my entire life
being backed into a corner
and like a frightened animal
pumped full of adrenaline
and sick of hunger and hiding
i am finally desperate enough
to come out fighting.

Emphasis mine...

[Bisexual Explorer]

I see things quite a bit differently than Brutal Princess. What we tend to hate most in others is what we really hate most in ourselves. Hating takes a lot of emotional energy. Why bother hating unless you get something out of it? The most homophobic men always seemed to me to expressing their hatred of their own supressed homosexual desires. Straight men, secure in their sexuality, are, in my expererience, rarely homophobic or freaked out by transexuals and cross dressers. The truly religious are not homophobic as they follow Jesus' dictum to love the sinner and hating the sin.
g

[bemyonlyone]

I see things quite a bit differently than Brutal Princess. What we tend to hate most in others is what we really hate most in ourselves. Hating takes a lot of emotional energy. Why bother hating unless you get something out of it? The most homophobic men always seemed to me to expressing their hatred of their own supressed homosexual desires. Straight men, secure in their sexuality, are, in my expererience, rarely homophobic or freaked out by transexuals and cross dressers. The truly religious are not homophobic as they follow Jesus' dictum to love the sinner and hating the sin.
g

It's true. My mom's ex-boyfriend couldn't even cope with seeing a man who even "seemed" gay on tv. I wonder what he was repressing.

I couldn't even talk about Truman Capote without him making horribly homophobic remarks.

What an asshole he was.

[MarieDelta]

Some of it is homphobia and some of it is misogyny

If you want to read a bit more in depth about it, might I suggest a book?

"Whipping Girl" - Julia Serano (http://www.juliaserano.com/whippinggirl.html)


The idea that all anti-trans discrimination arises from the fact that as transgender people we “transgress binary gender norms” does not resonate completely with my personal experiences. As a somewhat eccentric kid, I was given plenty of leeway to opt out of boy’s activities and to cultivate an androgynous appearance and persona. I was sometimes teased for being different, for being an atypical or unmasculine boy, but it was nothing compared to venom that was reserved for those boys who acted downright feminine. And now, as an out transsexual woman, I find that those who wish to ridicule or dismiss me do not simply take me to task for the fact that I fail to conform to gender norms—instead, more often than not, they mock my femininity. From the perspective of an occasional gender-bender or someone on the female-to-male spectrum, it might seem like binary gender norms are at the core of all anti-trans discrimination. But as a transsexual woman, I would have to say that most of the anti-trans sentiment that I have had to deal with is probably better described as misogyny

As trans women we are in a double bind-

Too Femme and you are reinforcing gender norms and "faking it."

Not Femme enough and you are just a "guy in a dress."

All too often these categories overlap, and what one person says is too femme another says isnt femme enough.

Best just to be yourself.

[curiousmark]

Your friend shouldn't get upset... it isn't as if he was offering to provide the blow job :-)

Speaking as someone who has been with a transexual, it certainly opens ones mind to the possibilities, but it does as others have mentioned, provide it in a context that is easier for some to deal with. Now frankly I have enjoyed it but it isn't for everyone.

Cheers,
Mark