She says, "You don't acknowledge my feelings."

[flynn]

In what appears to have been a cliche directly transcribed from a Lifetime movie, my wife while in a heating, uh, discussion, about juggling the many stresses in our lives (work, kids, house, etc...) , she dropped the classic, "...and the worst part is that you never even acknowledge my feelings!"

So, my question is...what the fuck is a good response to that? And what is the sub-text she is she is trying to say, but not actually saying by dumping this classic generality on my lap?

[csrakate]

Don't you know that you're expected to read our minds??? LOL! In all honesty, she is probably trying to tell you that you don't validate her feelings by responding appropriately to her "subtle" hints and suggestions of her emotions....that you apparently turn a blind eye when she is trying to express herself. Your best option would be to suggest that the two of you sit down and discuss this when you are NOT in the heat of an argument...ask her to tell you what she needs. BUT...she also needs to realize that you will be asking HER for the same courtesy. Neither one of you should have to lie or fake empathy....but you do need to talk about such things when you are not so angry.

[Donkey_burger]

So, my question is...what the fuck is a good response to that? And what is the sub-text she is she is trying to say, but not actually saying by dumping this classic generality on my lap?

Maybe she just blurted it out? I dunno.

One way to do it is to, every so often, say "You seem [emotion] because you [want/need/have] [some sort of physical or emotional need] and I [will help/helped out] by..."

Lengthy, yeah, but then she can't say you don't acknowledge her feelings.

DB :bipride:

[littlerayofsunshine]

She's basically telling you that you neglect her emotionally, that she feels pushed aside and as Kate said, invalidated.

Best response is to ask her what you specifically do to make her feel that way, acknowledge that you understand her point of view, Tell her how you feel about the subject, and if in the end you understand that "Yeah I shouldn't have said or did that" Then apologize and work on it. Of course you have the same right to have a similar discussion with her.


I suggest, having done this exercise, That you two have an "When you.......I feel......" session with each other.... It creates better understanding of How the other processes emotionally, and can put on the table what actions and in-actions help, hurt, or harm the relationship. Set ground rules that what is said is not a personal attack and when the discussion is over, you both hug or do something to reconnect. An evening out, or movie and wine in. Something special to let each other know that both are appreciated and valued.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Did you ever take time to consider that she may be right? Maybe you Dont consider her feelings because you dont See the situation. If both of you are under stresses it can be easy for you to see Your side of things, and not really take Hers into consideration. She could have been meaning many things, and the best thing for you to do is to do as others have suggested. Plan a time for Both of you to have a much needed(Sounds like) time away from the stresses of everyday life, and plan something spacificly for the two of you. Communication is paramount, so sit down and Ask her how you can be more supportive, how you can help, and how you could be more considerate of her feelings.
Talk it out, work it out, make it work smoother. :}
Just my humble :2cents: Hon.
Cat

[Realist]

Where in HELL, were you ladies when I was married? That's excellent advice from you all!

For the first time in many years, I am listening to my GF and we have the best relationship, ever. Granted, we both communicate on about the same level and have many of the same interests, but being open and honest has created a great atmosphere for us to come to terms with our differences.

Listening is a HUGE part of communication. Good luck with that, if one's from Mars and the other's from earth!

[destiny200b]

First, you should take all of the great advice that has already been offered and run with it. It truly is sound, sensitive advice that will probably bless your marriage for years to come.
However, if none of that works you should pause, take a deep breath, look longingly and lovingly in her eyes and say, "You complete me!" which somehow, in all its profound simplicity, will acknowledge all of her feelings, make her feel warm and fuzzy all over, and will cause her to strip and throw herself at you!
Hopefully, the first stuff will work as my suggestion is still, admittedly, in the theoretical phase of research.
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