My daughter...

[mikey3000]

Ok, a personal story here. My oldest daughter is 11, turning 12 in a few weeks. She is a very independant child who doesn't follow the crowd and much preferrs to follow her own will, and so I encourage and support her in what ever she chooses to do. She is very strong willed and a rather happy child. She takes pride in being different.

I've noticed that other girls in her school are boy crazy for all the popular stars of today. Posters, key chains, pictures in their lockers and on their binders, but not her. Not at all. She rather hated boys and thinks they're stupid. No interest in them at all. But I do think she's interested in girls. This one in particular has been in the same class since JK and they have grown very close. Even talking about moving to France together after schooling. Neither her mother or me are doing anything at all to sway her sexual orientation one way or another. We just let her know that we're pretty much cool with anything and that any and all love is good.

But She came to me the other day and said that she is so sad. Her little friend has abondened her for another girlfriend and is now ignoring her. I asked if maybe something happened between the two of them that maybe upset her and she said no, she just drifted away. I think she has her first crush and her first heart break. So cute!!! But we don't quite know how to handle it. Any advice?

And, FYI, she is way into puberty having got her period almost two years ago.

[csrakate]

First of all I wouldn't assume anything...little girls at that age form very close bonds with their friends and it is all very innocent. As for being abandoned, she just experienced her first "bitchy" friend....it happens between girls....they can be your best friend one moment and quickly find a better one minutes later.

Don't make too much of this situation...it's a very normal rite of passage for most girls and very likely has nothing to do with sexuality. Just be there for her if she wishes to talk about it...but by no means should you make any more out of it than what it is.

[tenni]

First of all I wouldn't assume anything...little girls at that age form very close bonds with their friends and it is all very innocent. As for being abandoned, she just experienced her first "bitchy" friend....it happens between girls....they can be your best friend one moment and quickly find a better one minutes later.

Don't make too much of this situation...it's a very normal rite of passage for most girls and very likely has nothing to do with sexuality. Just be there for her if she wishes to talk about it...but by no means should you make any more out of it than what it is.

I agree with Kate. Long term friendships shifting and changing around this age are very common and perhaps more so with girls. Sometimes, these early childhood friendships come back together in a month or even a couple of years. With other friendships, they have gone due to changing interests and attitudes. Whether the other girl is "getting into boys" and all that comes with that who knows. Let it evolve as it may. This is an opportunity for your daughter to develop new friendships or she may be heading for a year or so until she gets into high school depending upon how large the pool of potential friends is.

[rissababynta]

First of all I wouldn't assume anything...little girls at that age form very close bonds with their friends and it is all very innocent. As for being abandoned, she just experienced her first "bitchy" friend....it happens between girls....they can be your best friend one moment and quickly find a better one minutes later.

Don't make too much of this situation...it's a very normal rite of passage for most girls and very likely has nothing to do with sexuality. Just be there for her if she wishes to talk about it...but by no means should you make any more out of it than what it is.

I completely agree with everything she just said.

Edit: By the way, my best friend and I have known each other since 6th grade. We have now lived in seperate states for the past 6 years and it kills both of us. We have never had a fight and we have only gone more than a day without talking because of circumastances that wouldn't allow us to get on the phone. Other than that, to this day we still sit on the phone everyday for hours. My husband and her boyfriend think it's funny and sometimes get jealous at the bond we have always had. If it wasn't for the fact that we have families and seperate lives that must be lived, we probably would be living together (whether France or somewhere else). We genuinely love each other and in a sense are soul mates, but we are by no means a couple. Not even close. Sometimes friendships, especially between girls, are just that strong and if something goes wrong within that friendship, it is hard. I've had friendships fall apart around me and sometimes I've been sad, sometimes I've been cool with it. If anything every happened with this friendship though...sheesh...I would be a changed person.

[mikey3000]

I've read all over this board that 10-12 is the average age that kids discover their same sex attractions and just wondered if that was the case here. We got no issues with it either way, just don't want to see her sad. They actually cry with joy when they find out they're in the same class

And by the way, Rissa & Kate, did you know that most guys (and by that I mean me-LOL!) are extremely jealous of the close emotion bonds that women can share? Because when guys do it they're labeled gay, even if their not. What a shame. That's why a lot of guys are afraid to develop those close friendships. Women are so lucky for that.

[csrakate]

Many times kids do experiment with same sex play at that age, primarily males...and that is quite normal. BUT..that doesn't mean they are necessarily ready to assign themselves a sexual label nor should they feel compelled to do so. Kids need to learn about friendship, trust and love from other channels beside the immediate family and that's part of what they learn while developing friendships like the one your daughter has had. Don't be so quick to assign sexuality to it...it's part of the growing up process...part of learning to individuate and separate from one's parents through relationships of their own choosing. Relax and realize she's still a child with a lot of growing up to do and you certainly don't want to rush it. With two daughters, you're gonna have enough to deal with down the road LOL! I have two sons....they're grown men now....but the growing up process will take a few years off of you! LOL!

[rissababynta]

I've read all over this board that 10-12 is the average age that kids discover their same sex attractions and just wondered if that was the case here. We got no issues with it either way, just don't want to see her sad. They actually cry with joy when they find out they're in the same class

And by the way, Rissa & Kate, did you know that most guys (and by that I mean me-LOL!) are extremely jealous of the close emotion bonds that women can share? Because when guys do it they're labeled gay, even if their not. What a shame. That's why a lot of guys are afraid to develop those close friendships. Women are so lucky for that.

I know what you mean. I've seen guys have really close bonds like that before, but it was still very different from the kinds that girls have because if two guys acted the same way as my best friend and I do, many women would be quetioning their sexuality lol.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Mikey-honey, little girls are sooo much different than boys in the emotional level. The can be happy with a friendship and be on the roof tops one minute, and Hate that person the next. Then next thing you know they'll be on the phone like a couple of magpies. Or they simply make new friends and go their own way. Its a part of life, and doesnt necessarily have a Thing to do with sex. Its just part of being a girl. Step back and let her make her own decisions, and above all else..let her be a kid for as long as she possibly can..:}
Cat
Mother of 4 grown kids, 2 daughters and 2 sons.:}

[Hephaestion]

Everyone looks for the reliable things in life. We are social animals.

In children, both boys and girls, this starts off with the friendships they have at the time which are often of the same gender. The situation can become clouded by the emotional times of puberty and overt environmental pressures.

As others have said - don't read anything in to the heartfelt disappointments. Just be there as parents.

[mikey3000]

Ok. Thanks all. Appreciate the help. Little girls are so complicated. LOL!!!

[Jackal]

Ok. Thanks all. Appreciate the help. Little girls are so complicated. LOL!!!

I don't think it goes away as they age either :tong:. You may not know about all the weird little rituals girls have. Like hand clapping games, variations on massage, stupid stories. My friends and I used to do this meditation (I realize that's what it is now) story and make each other's heads feel heavy because of the story. Or "Light as a Feather Swift as a Bird/Stiff as a Board". Some woman needs to write this stuff down and someone needs to study it. And I haven't a fucking clue how to play hopscotch.