In previous post, I talked about the past, some experiences and fears. This week I had another birthday, as I always do on this day, I reflect back on the past year, and past parts of my life. Things I have done, things I wish had done. These are not negative what if's, just a yearly take stock of things. As I do this, I am dressed in my normal male clothes Many people do spring cleaning, I clean my mind. This year, my thoughts went to why do I dress en femme ? Naturally, I went back to all the labels, TG,gay,Bi,transexual, crossdresser. Now, I dont pretend to have the answers, and in no way are my thoughts meant to be disrespectful to anyone who sees themselves in any of those categories, at the end of the day, peace, love and happiness to all. This is just my thoughts on what seems right for me, and it can change, and has changed over time Am I really just gay - well, no. When I am dressed as a male, and in what I call male mode, I am only attracted to women sexually, with the fleeting thoughts of damn, I would like to wear that dress. But I dont walk down the street looking at guys and thinking I wonder what they are packing Am I Bi - Well, in the techinical sense, yes, as in I have had sexual relations with male and females, but, even this is just an aspect of me, it is not the full story, as many men and women are bi, but do not dress and represent as the opposite sex Transgendered - no, I have no desire to become a female, I enjoy looking down at my male body parts, and in no way do I wish them to disappear, I am good with the way I am Lesbian - well, I am pretty sure I can rule that one out just due to my biology So where does that leave me ? As I do with everything else, whether its car repair, writing a new song, or simply trying a new recipe. I look, observe, and learn. Since this year I have moved on from trying lingerie, to fully dressing, I have become more observant of people and mannerisims. Where as before, I may not notice from a distance if it is a genetic girl, or not, these days I do notice the small things that tip me off, no matter how passable someone is. I have also been having a lot of chats with people who are at different stages, and different desires in their journey of life, and have constructed some things I see people have in common. Now, of course this is from my perspective, and from a male perspective, so ladies, it would be interesting to hear from you. I am also not thinking about men, who dress and act as men, and just enjoy the intimate time with another male Pantys and lingerie - I have found there is a segment of guys who enjoy just wearing pantys and or lingerie and taking care of business themselves. They have no desire to be with another man, and probably never will be. They don't wish to act or be treated feminine, they enjoy and get excited by the feel and taboo of the clothes, this was me years ago. Pantys, lingerie and men - another group, are the guys who enjoy wearing lingerie, and being with another man. For the guys I have talked too, this kind of dressing is far enough for them, they do feel they have a little bit of a feminine side and this is how they express it, and they may wear pantys under their normal every day clothes. Transgendered - probably should have saved this for last, but, as this is my thoughts, I wanted me to be last. I cannot pretend to understand what it is like to be in one body, and very much feel it is all wrong, I just do not have the ability. Talking to some people, they described it as the proverbial dream you have of being in front of a group of people speaking, and realizing you are naked, and there is nothing you can about it...........I am guessing they dumbed it down for me. As I said, i can not ever truly understand Crossdressers - from the people I have talked too, they just enjoy the feeling of being in feminine clothes and expressing themselves this way, some do have sex with other men, some dont, but it is something that brings them happiness every now and then. From the people I talked too, they dont go out in public, and for most, unless they have an understanding wife, no one else knows. They dont see themselves as female, they enjoy the feeling of dressing, and for lack of a better word, the play acting of being feminine, over exagerating their walk or talk As I said before, I am no expert, nor is this intended to describe everyone, these are from conversations with about ten people I have spoken too. So hopefully , no one takes offense at my descriptions, but instead, maybe adds their own observations and feelings in Unfortunately, not one, as in zero, nada, nothing, really encompasses who I have found I am. Little bits and pieces here, but, not one single area covers me even 50%, and I think many of us fall into this category, which is why I am writing this. I think there is a lot of us walking around wondering if we are the oddballs that dont fit in.......... The bigger issue, those of us that dont fit neatly intoa category, are kinda left out in the cold to figure it out on our own. This year, I just jumped off the ledge and tried something, and it opened my eyes for me, but like everything else, this is my own journey, we may cross roads and paths, we may hold the light to shine the way for others to decide which fork in the road to take, but in the end, everyone is on their own path. before I write the rest, I need to change clothes, this part was written from my analytical side, which is when I am dressed male, the other part needs to come from my feeling side, with a little cross over from this one.......................
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]After I wrote "Passing the Torch," I got to thinking about how my parents bullshitted me about things sexual and in that "do as I say, not as I do" way that parents tend to behave. Stay with me - this'll make sense and better explains "Passing the Torch." I woke up in the middle of the night, thirsty as hell, and stumbled from the room I shared with my sister and brother to make my way to the kitchen for some icy cold water but to get there, I had to go through the room that doubled as my parents' bedroom and dining room. As I opened the door and stepped through it, I heard my mother's voice saying, "Yeah, eat it, lick my kitty, yeah, just like that!" and, well, I had a cat... didn't know my mom had one, too, but something told me to be very quiet so I tiptoed past the scene on the bed and even in the darkness, there was my father with his head between my mom's legs and I wasn't sure what I was seeing but the way she was giggling hinted that she liked whatever he was doing down there. I made it to the kitchen unnoticed and chugged some water right out of the pitcher we kept in the fridge and after drinking my fill, headed back to my room where my young but night adapted eyes took in the sight of my mother's head bobbing up and down and my father moaning and groaning like an animal. I knew what she was doing since, not that long ago, I'd been introduced to sucking dick but the thing on my mind was to get back to my room without them noticing me, which I did - but I was up for a long time listening to them having sex and it was quite exciting. Jump ahead a little and to the moment where my father told me to never put my mouth on a girl's pussy... and it confused me because I sure as hell saw him with his mouth on mom's pussy so why was he telling me not to do something I saw him doing? Well, thanks to my sister, I found out why you should do that and as I got older, sure, I could see why you shouldn't but if you could, why not? A month or so afterward, my mother told me to never let a girl put her mouth on my ding-a-ling... and again I wondered why she would tell me not to let a girl do something that I sure as fuck saw her doing that night but, um, her warning was late since both girls and guys were putting their mouth on my ding-dong like it was illegal. I liked it and they did, too, so what's the big deal? Jump ahead to the night my mother busted me and my brother and that scathing lecture she gave me and how much what she said really pissed me off as she told me in no uncertain terms that boys - and especially brothers - should never do what we were doing and I vowed to myself that when I had children, I wasn't going to bullshit them like my parents bullshitted me.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]We had talked about this moment and how it was his choice; whatever he chose to do would be fine as long as he was okay with his choice but, sure, you’re not gonna know if you’re okay with it until you’re faced with it. Again, he nodded his understanding and even tried to vocalize his understanding, and the vibrations of him “saying” “Mmm-mm” sent chills and thrills through me. I could feel my dick twitching in his mouth and he could feel it, too, and he knew what it meant because he shifted into high gear, his head moving faster as his finger in my ass went faster and harder. ”Shit!” I cursed as my release slammed into me and despite its intensity, I was trying to literally keep an eye on him as he worked at swallowing my sperm. I could barely see the look on his face, fighting hard to keep my eyes open as much as I could and I could see him taste my spunk as well as him finding it agreeable; he went from frowning to not frowning in a second or so and I knew he was going to be okay. Now it was just a matter of whether or not he was going to stop or keep going; he’d been reproducing the things I had done to him earlier and, um, when he came, damn, I just kept going until he got hard again and came a second time. I knew that if he kept going, this was going to get seriously intense and steeled myself for that... but he stopped, lifted his head up, looked at me... and smiled. ”That was intense,” he said and all I could do was nod and smile back at him. “Your stuff tastes pretty good, too - it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.” ”That’s good,” I managed to say, my voice sounding dry and crackly. ”We should rest up, get something to eat and drink, and do this again while we still have time,” he said. ”If that’s what you want to do, I’m good with it - or I will be after the break,” I honestly confessed. As we refreshed ourselves, I was so happy for him and took some additional pleasure to see how animated he was as he told me what he was thinking and feeling about it all; to say he was bubbly doesn’t really do the moment any real justice. Its the way I had wanted him to feel, to know that what we’d done to each other wasn’t as horrible as he had believed and as we settled in to do it all over again, I knew he’d be just fine going forward...[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]He nodded his understanding and settled into movements that were more comfortable for him and I was assured that he was quite okay, allowing me to turn my attention to how I was feeling and, in particular, my Achilles heel, that being, having a guy sucking cock for the first time always makes me cum pretty quickly so it was about me being able to hold off so that he could have the best cock sucking experience. He was really getting into it, alternating between sucking my dick and giving my balls some attention - and just as I had done for him. He even got... bold as he kinda clumsily shoved a finger into my ass and, again, just as I had tentatively done to him. His crude invasion didn’t hurt but did make me moan just the same as he managed to work his finger fully into me and used his invading digit slowly - and just as I had done, too. He was going to make me cum and sooner rather than later; as his confidence and comfort grew, his actions grew as he took more than half of me into his mouth and without gagging. He triggered that “automatic” fucking motion and a motion I had to really focus on as not to get carried away and the motion just encouraged him even more as he picked up the pace, his mouth and finger working in concert to push me right to the edge. ”Stop! I’m gonna cum!” I managed to get out of my mouth and as I had promised him; he was now at that second decision point where he could stop and use his hand to get me to cum or to keep sucking me and knowing that I was gonna cum in his mouth.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I knew he was nervous, anxious, maybe even afraid and I knew how he may have been feeling because, thirty minutes or so ago, I had been nervous and anxious as I leaned over to begin sucking his cock, something quite normal even though I was no stranger to this. i could see his whole body vibrating even though he’d had some time to get over the rush of his release and when he touched me, yes... he was trembling so much that I quietly said to him, “Relax...” He looked up at me and nodded, his pupils so dilated that had I not known his eyes were blue, I couldn’t tell what color they really were. He was quite... high but not on any drugs other than his own hormonal rush as he smiled nervously, then lowered his mouth to my waiting erection. His lips were trembling, his tongue starting to falter as it floated and scraped over my knob; it felt good but I had to remind myself that he’s never done this before. He was breathing so hard that I feared he’d hyperventilate so I gently touched his shoulder and said, again, “Relax... you’ll be fine, okay?” He nodded again, the movement of his head sending flashes of pleasure through me as I settled in to enjoy his efforts to finally sick another man’s cock but I also had to keep an eye on him, to be aware of any sign that he wasn’t handling this. His tentative sucks and licks grew as his confidence did and I heard and felt him moan, which made me smile; I knew that he just realized that sucking another man’s dick wasn’t as bad as he had feared it would be. As I kinda expected, he tried to take more of me into his mouth than he was really ready to do and as evidenced of that unmistakable sound of someone trying to not vomit and it prompted me to gently place a hand on his face to get him to look at me as I told him, “Don’t try to do more than you can really do.”[/SIZE][/FONT]
I have had a few people send me a private message asking about the wife and i , to clarify we have a select group of men and women who we share our bed with. On occasion when on vacation and feeling naughty we step outside our web of friends. Some seem to think that when my buddy visits its just hump cum and gone, nothing could be further from the truth. We are both Bi so we share our like minded friends who are all very sensual and caring. When i travel i know my best friend is taking good care of her, fucking the wife properly takes time, she is very into it and loves servicing cock. Sex with her last on average 2 hours, when she thinks you are going to cum she stops everything so you don’t cum, on weekends he comes over for dinner and she loves sucking our cocks to completion , that way we last a long time later on. Sometimes i sit in my chair watching him bury his dick deep in her and jacking off. When he dumps his load i am there to lick her orgasming pussy as he feeds her his cock. And the process continues until we are all spent. So the thought of someone coming in just hump and dump is not the case, and when i talk about my morning hookups with my buddy, i know i always talk about swallowing his cum but its the same deal, we allocate enough time for a proper start to the day. We both get naked well he does, at home i am always naked, we 69, jack each other and when we both explode we have an hour invested. He swallows as much cum as i do. Unfortunately i am in an area that i don’t know anyone but take comfort in the fact that my buddy is servicing her. Jacked off last night and this morning eating my cum both times. What made me horny this morning was she sent me a text telling me she gave up her ass last night, She don’t do that often but she said she was feeling naughty and needy and I’m amazed at how she can handle our hung dicks in her small tight booty. I text him saying good job she enjoyed last night, he just text back telling me he was going back this morning . Looks like she will be doing laundry today.
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Their mother and I are both bisexual and we even wondered if they'd wind up being bisexual as well - but we also knew that they'd give it a try anyway so, for us, it was a matter of how we were gonna deal with it when - not if - we found out what they were really into. We both understood that kicking their asses about any of it would serve no purpose so it was watch, wait, observe. We knew they were checking each other out and we expected it; when our daughter started complaining about her brothers always wanting to do it to her, we intervened at that point with some scathing discussion about how you never, ever, coerce or force anyone to do anything they don't want to do, which put an end to their experimentation - and as far as we knew, that is. The complaints stopped and just because neither of us caught them doing anything didn't mean they weren't but we were both certain that at this point, this is when two of the three got into being quite bisexual, which coincided with their first experiences with other kids and as confessed to by them. So the torch was passed, perhaps not on purpose so much but understanding that if we, their parents, discovered sex and sexuality the way we did, they would as well; it was just a matter of what they were gonna do with what they learned. I am, indeed, quite proud that two out of three have accepted their sexuality and are comfortable with it; the third, well, he admitted to checking it out as well but, nah, didn't like it so much and that's fine. They've all grown up to be fine and well-rounded adults with children of their own and, of course, I sit and wonder if the torch will be passed on to the grandchildren as well...[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]The oldest... wow. Like I said, he came home and just started telling me everything, from the first time to the last time which was a hour before he came home and basically outed himself. Now, I knew that he and his brother were experimenting because, well, I caught them at it one day and actually stood there watching them while debating to scare the shit out of them by letting them know I was there or to just see how far they were gonna take things. But, again, I knew they would because, unlike the parents of my generation, I knew better than to think that they wouldn't. But this dude? Wow! I admit to being... shocked? Surprised? He hadn't just been out there sucking a dick here or there or getting into the fucking every now and then; for him, it was like it was a full time job and one that included multiple partners and not too dissimilar to how me and the guys I hung out with used to throw it down on each other. I also have to admit that while he was telling me what he'd been doing before he came home, shit, my dick was very hard; it seems that he and seven other guys met up somewhere and had been spending the entire day having sex with each other as well as having two or three women join them for the festivities. And I thought I was one seriously horny motherfucker? Where my daughter, during her confession, looked as if she was about to jump out of her skin, my son was so cool and clinical about providing me with [B]all [/B]of the details, up to and including what he was thinking about and, yeah, I had to give him props for such observations but, again, if you didn't know what we were talking about, we could have been talking about some mundane, run of the mill subject. When I told him - and during his detailed "investigations" with his brother - that I knew about that, he just shrugged and said, "We didn't think we could really hide it from you... so we didn't; we knew you'd figure it out or catch us." He even managed to surprise me by saying that one of the times I caught them, they knew I was there... and kept going anyway. Pretty ballsy and nervy, wouldn't you agree? I thought so but, no, I wasn't gonna bust his ass about it. These two confessions took place like a couple of days apart from each other and after hearing them, well, it was time to talk to the wife about what I'd heard or otherwise had confirmed... and she didn't freak out as much as I thought she would when I got to the part where the three of them had been experimenting with each other for quite some time. We had a good talk about it all and we made it a point to keep an eye on these three horny motherfuckers and to do our best to make sure they didn't get themselves into too much trouble. But I sat and thought about something: If we hadn't had "the talk," would my two bisexuals have eventually discovered it on their own? Probably and I felt that way because while I know and knew that parents tended to tread very lightly or just skip over this birds and bees aspect, well, they have friends and associates who would be more than happy to either tell them about sex... or encourage them to do it with them - you never, ever underestimate the power of peer pressure and youthful curiosity. Besides, there's really no point in telling them not to do it like that; all you're really doing it telling them to go ahead and do it so they can find out why you told them not to. I just very much appreciated and respected that they came and told me about this instead of trying to hide it (well, more than they thought they were) or lying to us about it.[/SIZE][/FONT]
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