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Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Hi everyone. My name is Justin and I am just starting out looking for men my age (50 ish) to be suck buddies. I have found two men on CL that seem to be pretty decent matches. They SAY that they are only interested in oral sex and are disease free. But don't they all?
For those who have done this, what is the risk of STDs from giving and receiving head? Literature from the web makes it sound like the risks are pretty high. I am very nervous about this.
How does everyone else handle this concern?
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Hi and welcome Justin
There is risk in getting out of bed after a good eight hours sleep but it is a risk that we take daily. Whether having oral sex with a stranger is more dangerous is a personal decision. There is a lot of ink being used to discuss HPV and oral cancer lately. There is discussion on the value of people …children in particular about taking a vaccine against HPV. Controversy exists.
The best that you can do is to evaluate the situation with each potential guy that you meet. Personally, I don't think that there are too many guys willing to wear a condom for oral sex but there are some who insist on it. It is your decision alone. You could stay in bed alone for your whole life and the earth may open up and swallow you one day while still in bed.
I know not much help here but gather information and make your own decision. There is some forms of same sex activity that doesn't involve oral or anal sex. You may want to explore those options as well. Frotting or lubing up two dicks with your hands around both dicks as your balls touch while kissing may work fine for you?
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
I've seen some CL posts where they show the recent results from tests performed at a local clinic. Faked? Could be. Theirs? Maybe maybe not. As tenni says, the decision (risk is up to you).
oh BTW, Welcome!
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Giving oral sex you can be infected by HIV, gonorrhea, various types of hepatitis, HPV (genital warts), herpes, syphilis, and NGU/NSU.
Getting oral sex you can get infected with HPV, herpes, NGU/NSU, Chlamydia, Gonnorrhea, and you won't get HIV unless the other man is bleeding or has a very high viral load and you have a cut, sore, or broken skin on your genitals.
With rubbing or frottage you won't get HIV but that's a very easy way to get HPV and herpes, and people have gotten syphilis from it.
Both my partner and I have never given strangers oral sex, and we are HIV neg and do not have any STDs.
You should just assume that these people who you want to have sex with, and all the people who you have sex with are HIV+, have other STDs, and have safer sex with them.
It's pointless, foolish, and dangerous to take recent test results as the person being actually HIV neg or not having STDs.
Various STDs including HIV are so common that if you or other people are having sex with people who they don't really know or whose HIV/STD status they or you don't know you or they probably do have a common STD or even are HIV+, and by doing this you're playing with fire and risking infecting yourself and whoever else you're having sex with with HIV and other STDs.
All those people may have been 'tested and HIV neg/STD neg' at some point, but anyone who would have sex with people they don't know, or people who they really don't know if the other people are actually HIV neg or STD neg isn't exactly the most reliable people regarding personal health concerns OR knowledge.
These people may have been tested HIV neg or neg for various STDs last week/month or whatever, but how many times, and with how many people have they had sex since then?
Not to mention the fact that what would show up on the tests is ONLY what was being tested for, within a certain range/time period, and the life-cycle of different diseases varies hugely in how it can impact what a test will show as being negative or positive, in the first place.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Thanks for the replies so far.
How can I edit a post?
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Before you get too paranoid about STD's, it would be worth checking out the treatments for them. Most involve a course of antibiotics, which is hardly a huge terrible ordeal IMO.
Other STD's such as HIV, have a VERY low risk of being transferred orally.
There is still risk! It is all down to you in the end.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gearbox
Before you get too paranoid about STD's, it would be worth checking out the treatments for them. Most involve a course of antibiotics, which is hardly a huge terrible ordeal IMO.
Other STD's such as HIV, have a VERY low risk of being transferred orally.
There is still risk! It is all down to you in the end.
A lot of STDs are unable to be treated by antibiotics and there are new strains of common STDs that are unable to be treated by antibiotics. Once someone is infected with either herpes or HPV they have them for the rest of their life and can easily infect other people.
While HIV infection is more common with unprotected anal or vaginal sex, it does happen with giving oral sex.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NMCowboys
A lot of STDs are unable to be treated by antibiotics and there are new strains of common STDs that are unable to be treated by antibiotics. Once someone is infected with either herpes or HPV they have them for the rest of their life and can easily infect other people.
While HIV infection is more common with unprotected anal or vaginal sex, it does happen with giving oral sex.
There's not a lot that can't be treated with antibiotics at all, and antibiotics are continuously being developed to treat any new strains.
Hiv is VERY unlikely to be transmitted orally if you have healthy gums & mouth with no open cuts etc. Stomach acid and enzymes kill the virus, so swallowing the cum to get it out f the mouth is even advised.
Giving birth to quads is less common than twins, but it does happen. Shouldn't get to paranoid about it though.:)
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Research official sites will likely give you better information than some rhetorical opinions...
http://www.cdc.gov/std/life-stages-p...TDFact-MSM.htm
http://www.sfcityclinic.org/stdbasics/stdchart.asp
are just a couple sites. These, of course, show a lot of ratio's, a lot of cold hard facts. We live as individuals, and as such, we may fall on one side or the other of the groups described. Your issue is one of truly knowing your partner's conditions. Risks that these partner's have taken. I find a lot of married guys that will not be honest with their spouse, and it makes me wonder how honest they would be with a one-time partner... what do they have to loose? Aside from knowing your partner, their history, recent as well as long term... there are windows between infection and positive results... anywhere from 3-8 weeks from what I have read. so someone that has been hooking up on CL. Grinder, Manhunt, etc. and has been tested 4 months ago could well be carrying a surprise for you.
As stated above, there is some risk, you have to weigh your own risk comfort level.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gearbox
There's not a lot that can't be treated with antibiotics at all, and antibiotics are continuously being developed to treat any new strains.
Hiv is VERY unlikely to be transmitted orally if you have healthy gums & mouth with no open cuts etc. Stomach acid and enzymes kill the virus, so swallowing the cum to get it out f the mouth is even advised.
Giving birth to quads is less common than twins, but it does happen. Shouldn't get to paranoid about it though.:)
Don't be so sure about that.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/drug-res...se-cdc-claims/
http://www.motherjones.com/environme...tic-resistance
My partner and I know gay men who did become HIV+ from giving oral sex. They were not into anal sex at all and the very few times they had done anal sex as a top/active partner they used a condom.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
CurEUs_Male
Research official sites will likely give you better information than some rhetorical opinions...
http://www.cdc.gov/std/life-stages-p...TDFact-MSM.htm
http://www.sfcityclinic.org/stdbasics/stdchart.asp
are just a couple sites. These, of course, show a lot of ratio's, a lot of cold hard facts. We live as individuals, and as such, we may fall on one side or the other of the groups described. Your issue is one of truly knowing your partner's conditions. Risks that these partner's have taken. I find a lot of married guys that will not be honest with their spouse, and it makes me wonder how honest they would be with a one-time partner... what do they have to loose? Aside from knowing your partner, their history, recent as well as long term... there are windows between infection and positive results... anywhere from 3-8 weeks from what I have read. so someone that has been hooking up on CL. Grinder, Manhunt, etc. and has been tested 4 months ago could well be carrying a surprise for you.
As stated above, there is some risk, you have to weigh your own risk comfort level.
Very well said. Bi and gay married men have been proven to take major risks such as unprotected anal sex, or unprotected vaginal sex in the case of bi men having sex with women, rimming, sharing sex toys with men and women without condoms, and taking cum into their mouth and swallowing it.
But then again single gay and bi men also do high risk things sexually as well as heterosexuals.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Caution is wise. Posting gloom and doom is not.
The following corrects the misconception about bisexual men.
1/ Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh Graduate School of Public Health say that the number of HIV-positive men in the US who have sex with both men and women is likely to be equal to the number of HIV-positive men who only have sex with women.
2/ "Some observers have exaggerated the idea of viral 'bridging' - where a bisexual man contracts HIV from another man and then transmits it to a female partner. But, at least in the US, the data supporting the extent of this is quite limited," says Dr. Mackey R. Friedman, of the Department of Infectious Diseases and Microbiology at the University of Pittsburgh Graduate School of Public Health and lead author of the study.
3/ The analysis revealed that men who were bisexual were only 40% as likely to be infected with HIV as men who were homosexual.
4/ The HIV infection risk that bisexual men pose to their female partners has likely been overstated.
However, that doesn't mean that HIV-prevention campaigns targeting bisexual men and their male and female partners aren't needed. HIV does exist in the bisexual community, and national, bisexual-specific data collection, research, and HIV prevention and care delivery are necessary to ameliorate this population's HIV burden."
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/268469.php
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by NMCowboys
My partner and I know gay men who did become HIV+ from giving oral sex. They were not into anal sex at all and the very few times they had done anal sex as a top/active partner they used a condom.
ALWAYS make sure you have a healthy mouth with no sores, cuts, scrapes, boils etc before oral sex! This means that after brushing your teeth, you should allow any minute scratches to heal for 40mins before oral.
Also, check for ANY open wounds on the body & face before you let a jet of cum spray anywhere near you.
STD factsheet with paranoia toned down:http://markmanson.net/std-guide
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gearbox
ALWAYS make sure you have a healthy mouth with no sores, cuts, scrapes, boils etc before oral sex! This means that after brushing your teeth, you should allow any minute scratches to heal for 40mins before oral.
Also, check for ANY open wounds on the body & face before you let a jet of cum spray anywhere near you.
STD factsheet with paranoia toned down:
http://markmanson.net/std-guide
Your link is full of wrong information:
Under the HIV section it has racist things like [quote-Mark Manson]assuming you’re not African, you’ll live.[/quote]
And this which is totally wrong as most men and women worldwide who contracted HIV got it from vaginal sex and infection also happens in Europe and the United States from women to men.[/quote]
Also his ratios of how you'd have to have lots of partners to get infected with a common STD are totally wrong as it can only take one time with one partner for HIV and other STDs.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NMCowboys
Your link is full of wrong information:
Under the HIV section it has racist things like [quote-Mark Manson]assuming you’re not African, you’ll live.
And this which is totally wrong as most men and women worldwide who contracted HIV got it from vaginal sex and infection also happens in Europe and the United States from women to men.[/quote]
Also his ratios of how you'd have to have lots of partners to get infected with a common STD are totally wrong as it can only take one time with one partner for HIV and other STDs.[/QUOTE]
It isn't a racist slur, but a medical slur of Africa's poor medical treatment. In America you can pop into a clinic, get diagnosed AND treated very easily. Not as easy in Africa for most, sadly.
You need to have a large number of sexual partners to up your chances of one of them having an STD & contracting it. Being promiscuous is not a dead cert guarantee of getting an STD.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gearbox
You need to have a large number of sexual partners to up your chances of one of them having an STD & contracting it. Being promiscuous is not a dead cert guarantee of getting an STD.
If it helps you to fall asleep at night believing false myths like that that, that's OK. ;)
Do you even know anyone who has an STD? I do and I know women and men who got them with a partner who they only had sex with once or twice, and it was one of their first or only sexual experience with that person. This includes HIV too.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
I must agree...I caught about 5 curable std's from one guy on our first/last "date". Before him, I hadn't had sex (with men, women, or shemale) in over a year. So...
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Reading with interest. I have uploaded some pics to the album for everyone's viewing pleasure. It is sure fun being here:tongue:
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NMCowboys
If it helps you to fall asleep at night believing false myths like that that, that's OK. ;)
I fall asleep very often after a good shag with a nice man, or two. I don't hide under my bed from the paranoia pixies.:)
Quote:
Do you even know anyone who has an STD? I do and I know women and men who got them with a partner who they only had sex with once or twice, and it was one of their first or only sexual experience with that person. This includes HIV too.
If you don't take precautions such a condom and a bit of common sense, that's prob going to happen at some point.
You SHOULD treat everybody as if they have an std. Not throw caution to the wind coz they seem honest and healthy. You know some really stupid people don't you?
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gearbox
If you don't take precautions such a condom and a bit of common sense, that's prob going to happen at some point.
You SHOULD treat everybody as if they have an std. Not throw caution to the wind coz they seem honest and healthy. You know some really stupid people don't you?
Oh how original. Here we go with the whole poz-phobic tactic of "The person who became infected with HIV or another STD deserved it, was stupid, etc." :rolleyes:
Some of these people were infected with HIV before it was known about. Others got infected with HIV and other STDs because they were friends with, or in a relationship or dating someone who was HIV+ or had an STD but didn't know about it or they didn't tell the other person when they had sex which was unprotected. Some became infected with HIV because of a condom breaking or slipping off, or from having unprotected sex with a partner/husband/wife. Some got infected because they hooked up and in the heat of the moment didn't put a condom on or use it correctly. Other friends were infected from giving oral sex, or getting it.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by NMCowboys
Oh how original. Here we go with the whole poz-phobic tactic of "The person who became infected with HIV or another STD deserved it, was stupid, etc." :rolleyes:
So if I tell you I am std free & HIV- etc, you would let me fuck you BB first time meeting?:confused:
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gearbox
So if I tell you I am std free & HIV- etc, you would let me fuck you BB first time meeting?:confused:
In your dreams. :rolleyes: That's a moot point and a hypothetical situation that will never happen.
I don't have anal sex as passive/bottom, or top/active, and I don't have sex with strangers, or players or people into hooking up.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NMCowboys
In your dreams. :rolleyes: That's a moot point and a hypothetical situation that will never happen.
I don't have anal sex as passive/bottom, or top/active, and I don't have sex with strangers, or players or people into hooking up.
So no unsafe sex on first dates etc then? Coz that would be a bit stupid.;)
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gearbox
So no unsafe sex on first dates etc then? Coz that would be a bit stupid.;)
I don't have sex on the first date, second date, or 3rd date. Or have unprotected sex with women or men. I've been with a low number of women and men compared to yourself and other people on this site who have been with a lot of sexual partners, and who probably do have an STD or are HIV+ but don't know it.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NMCowboys
I don't have sex on the first date, second date, or 3rd date. Or have unprotected sex with women or men. I've been with a low number of women and men compared to yourself and other people on this site who have been with a lot of sexual partners, and who probably do have an STD or are HIV+ but don't know it.
I was tested about 6 weeks ago and according to the nice nurse lady, your wrong there.:)
But it is sensible to not believe me.lol
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
http://www.bisexual.com/forum/images...quote_icon.png Originally Posted by NMCowboys http://www.bisexual.com/forum/images...post-right.png
I've been with a low number of women and men compared to yourself and other people on this site who have been with a lot of sexual partners, and who probably do have an STD or are HIV+ but don't know it.
Sir
I think that you owe members of this site an apology for your foolish statements accusing people on the site as having STD & HIV because they are not exactly like you. If you are in a monogamous relationship with a male partner, that is wonderful for you. Other people's sex lives and whether they have any form of disease is really none of your business. You have no plans to have sex with anyone other than you partner. Go live a happy life and give up on your obsession about STD etc. It is not a healthy thing to do.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tenni
http://www.bisexual.com/forum/images...quote_icon.png Originally Posted by NMCowboys http://www.bisexual.com/forum/images...post-right.png
I've been with a low number of women and men compared to yourself and other people on this site who have been with a lot of sexual partners, and who probably do have an STD or are HIV+ but don't know it.
Sir
I think that you owe members of this site an apology for your foolish statements accusing most on the site as having STD & HIV because they are not exactly like you. If you are in a monogamous relationship with a male partner, that is wonderful for you. Other people's sex lives and whether they have any form of disease is really none of your business. You have no plans to have sex with anyone other than you partner. Go live a happy life and give up on your obsession about STD etc. It is not a healthy thing to do.
I never claimed that people here who are very promiscuous who have HIV and other STDs have them because they're not like myself or my partner. With threads about people swallowing cum and doing creampies with other men and women there's no need to apologize for writing what I have which is factual information about HIV and other STDs.
Some people here want to bury their heads in the sand about HIV and other STDs.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gearbox
I was tested about 6 weeks ago and according to the nice nurse lady, your wrong there.:)
But it is sensible to not believe me.lol
How many believe this stuff so strongly they think they can just go screw anything that breathes and they're invincible because they're "always safe", yet are still at risk for the majority of STDs including incurable ones like herpes, HPV, and hepatitis?
How many insist on condoms every time for anal or vaginal sex, claiming that the risk is too high without one, but then claim "oral isn't that risky" and don't bother with a condom or dental dam then?
How many haven't checked the footnotes on that "99% effective" on the box and noticed it says "vs pregnancy only"?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying throw them out. Condoms do reduce your chances of contracting STDs.
But while they do reduce chances, they most certainly aren't foolproof. They aren't anywhere near it.
How many of you ask someone if they have an STD first? Or do you just roll one on and have at it, figuring hey you'll be fine?
Usually I don't even bother posting rants like this, because the responses usually come as flames intended to be loud enough so that all the people who don't want to hear it can continue sticking their fingers in their ears and going "La la la la I can't hear you!" That way they can pretend there's nothing to be afraid of and can be as promiscuous as they want, then point fingers at someone else if they ever get an STD or become HIV+, because it can't be their fault if they were always safe like they were taught, like good little boys and girls.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tenni
1/ Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh Graduate School of Public Health say that the number of HIV-positive men in the US who have sex with both men and women is likely to be equal to the number of HIV-positive men who only have sex with women.
There are A LOT of heterosexual women and men in the United States who are HIV+ who don't know it, who lie about it, and there are a lot of heterosexual men who are HIV+ that lie about it, or don't know it. Worldwide most people who have died of AIDS and who are living with HIV/AIDS are heterosexual. The United States has high rates of HIV and STDs that are known about.
If you are sexually active today in 2013, or have been in the last 20 years you probably have had sex with someone who is HIV+ but they just didn't tell you, or lied about it. Yes there are people who are HIV+ who are honest about their status but the majority of people who are HIV+ lie about it since the stigma of being HIV+ is still around and very strong even among heterosexuals in the United States. The numbers for new HIV infections among heterosexuals in the United States keep rising.
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Re: Hi! New Member, Serios Question
Quote:
Originally Posted by NMCowboys
How many believe this stuff so strongly they think they can just go screw anything that breathes and they're invincible because they're "always safe", yet are still at risk for the majority of STDs including incurable ones like herpes, HPV, and hepatitis?
You can only catch an STD off someone who has an STD, and the vast majority of people don't have an STD. Add being sensible and taking precautions to that, and sex is not the 'death wish' you make it out to be.
Most promiscuous people get tested regularly and are already aware that they are not invincible or infallible. Most, but probably not all. That is why you get little to no positive advice with those STD factsheets: the prime motive of them is to stir enough dread in the reader to get them to a clinic.
You have enough dread for everybody coz you only take the negative experiences of sex onboard.