If I was never molested would I still be bisexual?

I was 10 years old when my mom's friend's son molested me and told me to suck him off (he did not force me he just told me). I let it happen and I liked it during the time. I grew up and ended up loving going down on guys, I am now 20 years old, (male of course) and I still have that strong attraction. I developed Panic disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder years later when i was 16 years old. (It fucked me up mentally ever sense)

I am now 20 years old and still have strong urges to give blowjobs to guys but I can't tell if it was because I was truly bisexual or if it was because of what happened to me when I was younger.
But this is what i did find out about my self. I am strictly and only sexually attracted to men (I tried dating a guy it didn't work I felt no emotion) But when it comes to women I am both sexually AND romantically attracted to women where as I can never be romantically attracted to men and I know this for a fact (who else knows you better than you?).

What do i make of this situation? If i was never molested would I still be bisexual or not?

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Originally Posted by Ggod1995

I was 10 years old when my mom's friend's son molested me and told me to suck him off (he did not force me he just told me). I let it happen and I liked it during the time. I grew up and ended up loving going down on guys, I am now 20 years old, (male of course) and I still have that strong attraction. I developed Panic disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder years later when i was 16 years old. (It fucked me up mentally ever sense)

I am now 20 years old and still have strong urges to give blowjobs to guys but I can't tell if it was because I was truly bisexual or if it was because of what happened to me when I was younger.
But this is what i did find out about my self. I am strictly and only sexually attracted to men (I tried dating a guy it didn't work I felt no emotion) But when it comes to women I am both sexually AND romantically attracted to women where as I can never be romantically attracted to men and I know this for a fact (who else knows you better than you?).

What do i make of this situation? If i was never molested would I still be bisexual or not?

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Get professional help for being sexually abused.

I know bisexual and gay men who had things like what happened to you, and they are still bi or gay.

I've asked that question myself, and I firmly believe had it not happened to me I wouldn't have a problem. My situation was not like yours though, I wasn't forced or demanded to do anything. Similar age, was maybe 12, the next door neighbors cousin and I starter palling around one summer. We had a sleep over and found a playboy. We popped boners and after a while he decided he'd had enough and started jerking off. I was completely ignorant of sex so I asked him what he was doing. When he told me I was confused, he told me to go ahead and try it. Me still confused, he impatiently reached over into my boxers and started stroking me. I was a bit in shock to what was happeneing but it felt so good I didn't say stop. We wound up having sleep overs a few times a week over the summer. One night before he was suppose to leave town (go back home), he offered me a blowjob. I wasn't ready for that so I turned it down. I still think about that summer and wish I'd let him blow me, which of course meant I would have blown him eventually, and I fantasize about it now in my later years.

After that summer I went on to chase girls like normal. Been married twice, have kids, etc.. I realized after a while that I was never attracted to guys, I'm just attracted to cock and stroking or sucking one.

My same sex sexual impulses really came out in my late 30s. I've been on the search for a blowjob buddy, and I know there's other guys out there like me. And most of them (who I've read here and other forums) share almost the exact same past experiences and sexual impulses. I'm convinced that early age same sex play/molestation imprints on our brains because it was the first erotic thing we experienced. I've learned to accept that. I've considered just letting it all go and suppressing same sex impulses because they're a pain in the ass and drive me to endless fruitless searching and obsession for finding something that has yet to work out (cant find anyone). My fantasy is talking over the fence to the new neighbor and it somehow comes out that he has the same impulses I do! Course that'd never happen, and so many people are on one end of the opposite spectrum; its either haphazzard blow and go types (hello stds) or they want to have buttsex, kiss, cuddle, have a relationship, etc...

So anyway, yes, I'd bet a paycheck had you not had a same sex erotic experience such as that at the early age of 10, you wouldn't be Bi and wouldn't want to do those exact things as an adult. Any psychologist who's arm isn't twisted by the gay agenda would tell you the same.

ETA: sorry bout the run-on sentences and grammer. I've had a few beers and I'm not going back all through that to correct 'em. Feel free to IM if you want to bounce any ideas or questions off me.

Ggod
I do not know whether sexual abuse has impacted your sexuality. I don't think that there are a lot of studies on bisexuality and sexual abuse. Some children might take what you have experienced and have found it enjoyable. I do know that children who are sexually abused or sexualized early tend to act out sexually earlier than non abused children. Girls can become sexually precocious and inappropriately approach men leading to further victimization. I haven't heard too much about boys being sexually prococous but the older boy may have explored with another boy. He learned it somewhere.

You refer to this as molestation rather than what others may call sexual exploration. It sounds like you felt forced to give the bj rather than looking at it as pleasurable? Many children do sexually explore with a slightly older other child and consider it pleasant. Or did those feelings surface from guilt looking back after you realized that society frowns on such behavhiour?

You describe a desire to give bj without romantic emotional connections. Many bisexual men report this and consider themselves cockcentric with no attraction to the rest of the man. Other bisexual men can develop sexual and emotional attraction to both genders. So, you are not that different from some bisexual men who have not had any molestation.

If it is bothering you, then sitting down with a bisexual positive therapist may help. Make sure that they are sensitive to bisexual issues.

What there is evidence of, and I know the OP is talking of molestation by another child, is that children who have been molested, often even by older children, are more likely 2 to become child molesters themselves. The degree to which this is the case I cannot say but children do copy other children and often behaviour which has been inflicted on them they inflict upon others. Most children grow out of this bullying and abusive behaviour, but not all...

Whether some of those who molest young boys and are gay or bisexual would most likely become gay and bisexual in ne case had they themselves not been molested is my best guess.. many, indeed most who molest young boys are considered heterosexual and molest because of their history... relatively few people of ne sexuality who have been molested as a child, men or women, become molesters themselves, just as many who do, were never molested as a child. It is a complex area, and in my opinion one which needs more research by academia and science, and more understanding by society.

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Originally Posted by Ggod1995

I was 10 years old when my mom's friend's son molested me and told me to suck him off (he did not force me he just told me). I let it happen and I liked it during the time. I grew up and ended up loving going down on guys, I am now 20 years old, (male of course) and I still have that strong attraction. I developed Panic disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder years later when i was 16 years old. (It fucked me up mentally ever sense)

I am now 20 years old and still have strong urges to give blowjobs to guys but I can't tell if it was because I was truly bisexual or if it was because of what happened to me when I was younger.
But this is what i did find out about my self. I am strictly and only sexually attracted to men (I tried dating a guy it didn't work I felt no emotion) But when it comes to women I am both sexually AND romantically attracted to women where as I can never be romantically attracted to men and I know this for a fact (who else knows you better than you?).

What do i make of this situation? If i was never molested would I still be bisexual or not?

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…I tend to think you wouldn’t have been…you would have married & had kids…& IF being bi did manifest itself (like 1000s of other guys) it would not have came to the surface until you were in your 40s…

One of the better questions ever posted online. And I guess as many answers as there are persons involved. BUT, what makes men in their thirties, and forties develop an interest to suck cock ? Especially when they were not abused, or even involved in male/male exploration at, or near puberty ? One might as well say that the urge to such cock comes from some "hunger" being fed by memories of breast feeding as a child and not understanding, want the suckling experience, and porn or fantasies create an outlet ?

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Originally Posted by itsnormy

One of the better questions ever posted online. And I guess as many answers as there are persons involved. BUT, what makes men in their thirties, and forties develop an interest to suck cock ? Especially when they were not abused, or even involved in male/male exploration at, or near puberty ? One might as well say that the urge to such cock comes from some "hunger" being fed by memories of breast feeding as a child and not understanding, want the suckling experience, and porn or fantasies create an outlet ?

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…food for thought…it’s a fact of life that many many men turn to guys for sex in their 30s & 40s…& I too have wondered the samething myself…the clasic excuse is wife no longer interested in sex…but that feels more like an ‘excuse’ rather than a ‘reason’…I tend to think the curiousity in a tiny degree is there in all guys…& for whatever reason that’s when it rises to the surface…your post made a lot of sense so I’ll give it thought…

If you read the threads here about early sex experiences, there are many. I was curious and asked the question in a popular swinger forum about early sex experiences. There was a ton of response but NO reports of childhood sex. If your opinion of swingers is that of crazy, hippy, loose people, it's the opposite. They are mostly card carrying republicans and very straight. But as adults, very sexual. So why the difference? I think that you were like many of us and were 'cockcentric' as a child but since you had little knowledge of sex, you had no way of knowing this. The fact that you just did it rather than telling him to fuck off, which is what he probably expected, shows your lack of sexual inhibitions. This lack of inhibitions leads many of us into doing things early that we could have avoided.

I believe that you eventually would have come out to yourself and probably earlier than the typical 40 age range. I pull this from my ass with no education other than experience, which is useless.

I hope you stick with the site for awhile. We are unmoderated so prepare to be exposed to some hate. I think it will help you to read a few threads here and realize you are not alone.

You need to get help. Not because there is anything wrong with being bi or gay or straight or whatever, but because you were traumatized, and that needs to be dealt with.

I was never molested or otherwise abused and I'm bisexual. I did have sex with other guys as a kid, the earliest being in elementary school. It seems to me molestation doesn't have much, if anything, to do with one's sexuality.

I'd actually like to think if some old guy had molested me as a kid, I would have probably enjoyed it since one of my big regrets in life is that I didn't have more m2m experiences.

I'm sorry you got molested Ggod1995. I would go seek help since you were traumatized.

I played with others when I was about 6 until 17- the only time I felt that it bothered me when I was pushed into a situation I didn't like- if the other guy or guys were agreeable that was ok for me- but nowa days to go to a therapist and seek help is dangerous- they want names of who you with so they can report them-I was looking for some understanding as why I like to suck cock ect- I lived over seas and as on as a guy was open o doing this it was ok-here in America it is very wrong

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Originally Posted by charles-smythe

…I tend to think you wouldn’t have been…you would have married & had kids…& IF being bi did manifest itself (like 1000s of other guys) it would not have came to the surface until you were in your 40s…

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Keep in mind that bisexual people, and LGBT people in general, are coming out at a far younger age nowadays than they were decades ago.

I was out as a teenager and so was my husband; but the majority of people we grew up with who wound up coming out as bisexual or gay as adults were not out as teenagers at all.

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Originally Posted by matutum

I played with others when I was about 6 until 17- the only time I felt that it bothered me when I was pushed into a situation I didn't like- if the other guy or guys were agreeable that was ok for me- but nowa days to go to a therapist and seek help is dangerous- they want names of who you with so they can report them-I was looking for some understanding as why I like to suck cock ect- I lived over seas and as on as a guy was open o doing this it was ok-here in America it is very wrong

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No they would not see it as 'OK' in other countries.

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Originally Posted by pole_smoker

Keep in mind that bisexual people, and LGBT people in general, are coming out at a far younger age nowadays than they were decades ago.

I was out as a teenager and so was my husband; but the majority of people we grew up with who wound up coming out as bisexual or gay as adults were not out as teenagers at all.

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…It’s not the coming out per se…the 40s is when the curiousity becomes strong enough to act….

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Originally Posted by matutum

I played with others when I was about 6 until 17- the only time I felt that it bothered me when I was pushed into a situation I didn't like- if the other guy or guys were agreeable that was ok for me- but nowa days to go to a therapist and seek help is dangerous- they want names of who you with so they can report them-I was looking for some understanding as why I like to suck cock ect- I lived over seas and as on as a guy was open o doing this it was ok-here in America it is very wrong

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…what country were you in where it was accepted?...

I was never molested and never really looked at guys in a sexual way until my sophomore year of college, my roommate made a move on me one night while we were watching some porn and noticing how hard I was out of curiosity I just slid my underwear off and let it happen. I felt really guilty after we had finished because another guy had gotten me off but being molested would not have made a difference in your sexual life but then again talking with a professional would be a big help for you.

In your own words, he told you to do it, you went along with it and you liked it. You didn't say how old this other kid was at the time. If he was a kid about your age, I wouldn't call it molestation at all if he did not openly threaten you or otherwise imply he'd hurt you if you didn't want go along. Some kids around that age are already curious and exploring their sexuality and trying to introduce other kids to the pleasures of sex. Now if this kid was 14 or older or significantly bigger and stronger than you and even implied a threat, I would call it unjustified molestation. Still, in your words, it has fucked you up mentally. You obviously felt guilty afterwards for doing it, yet you say you ended up loving it and are still bisexual. Thinking about whether you should have done it and feeling regret and guilt over your decision seems to be at the root of it. It's a classic could have, would have, should have situation that you might or might not change if you could do it all over again. It's a no-brainer that you should talk with a counselor or therapist about it and get to the bottom of the issue. Even if you have to go into excruciating detail, let it all out with your counselor/therapist. It sounds like you couldn't go back and not be bisexual now even if you tried, so get help to come to grips with it and I think you'll probably embrace it and leave the past behind. You are only 20 and most of your sexual life is ahead of you :)

I am in the same boat. Raped by a man at an age when I was sorting out my masculinity. I have gone beyond giving men pleasure. I know desire to be abused. I begged my wife to hurt my cock and would let her punch me in the balls. It hurts, but it's the only way to feel centered.

Prior to birth, we are all endowed with both male and female 'parts'n'pieces'. One wins out over the other, fully developing while the other withers away, determining our 'sex'. However, we all retain to some degree both the estrogen and testosterone hormones. As we grow older, and our conciousness expands (just like our taste expands), we grow more tolerant to accepting new things and realizing new truths about ourselves. Plus, we are constantly on the quest for something new or different to titillate ourselves. So, don't over-analyse yourself; it's all in our hormones what drives us. Immediately after, you are appalled as to what you've done, but two weeks later you crave to do it again. Of course you have to control some urges like killing someone, there has to be a moral compass there. But, there is still a lot of room to mature and grow into new kinks and quirks that are not harmful to you or others.

Very good advice cslutt. I went through alot of therapy to find my help for dealing with my desires. Accepting myself as bisexual helped tremendously. I now longer act on what was done to me. My desires are mine not his. Having an orgasm during a molestation brings guilt and self doubt. It can be alot to overcome but we are responsible for our own happiness

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Originally Posted by sexygirl556

I was 10 years old when my mom's friend's son molested me and told me to suck him off (he did not force me he just told me). I let it happen and I liked it during the time. I grew up and ended up loving going down on guys, I am now 20 years old, (male of course) and I still have that strong attraction. I developed Panic disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder years later when i was 16 years old. (It fucked me up mentally ever sense)

I am now 20 years old and still have strong urges to give blowjobs to guys but I can't tell if it was because I was truly bisexual or if it was because of what happened to me when I was younger.
But this is what i did find out about my self. I am strictly and only sexually attracted to men (I tried dating a guy it didn't work I felt no emotion) But when it comes to women I am both sexually AND romantically attracted to women where as I can never be romantically attracted to men and I know this for a fact (who else knows you better than you?).

What do i make of this situation? If i was never molested would I still be bisexual or not?

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Sexuality is fluid and a number of factors have been demonstrated to influence but not necessarily determine sexuality. Genetics and environment both play a role on influencing us. So I would not label yourself. This need everyone has for labeling themselves. Don’t do it, there is no need, you are you. Unique.

I too was molested in kindergarten by a woman babysitter. Later a girl used me to give her oral sex without reciprocation. And finally was raped by a woman when I was 14. I played around with men because woman had hurt me. So for sex both turn me on. Like you romantically I am not into men. I am not attracted to men. Or I should say I find very few men attractive.

I should think that had I not had those experiences I would not be sexually interested in both.

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Originally Posted by wohali

Sexuality is fluid and a number of factors have been demonstrated to influence but not necessarily determine sexuality. Genetics and environment both play a role on influencing us. So I would not label yourself. This need everyone has for labeling themselves. Don’t do it, there is no need, you are you. Unique. I too was molested in kindergarten by a woman babysitter. Later a girl used me to give her oral sex without reciprocation. And finally was raped by a woman when I was 14. I played around with men because woman had hurt me. So for sex both turn me on. Like you romantically I am not into men. I am not attracted to men. Or I should say I find very few men attractive. I should think that had I not had those experiences I would not be sexually interested in both.

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People who are heterosexual/straight, or who are gay/lesbian do not have a fluid sexuality; but people who are bisexual do have a fluid sexuality. The idea that being sexually abused makes someone bisexual, gay, LGBT, etc. is a crock of shit.

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Originally Posted by pole_smoker

People who are heterosexual/straight, or who are gay/lesbian do not have a fluid sexuality; but people who are bisexual do have a fluid sexuality. The idea that being sexually abused makes someone bisexual, gay, LGBT, etc. is a crock of shit.

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I did not read the post you refer to as saying directly, "being molested
causes one to be bisexual, or gay". What I read was a well thought,
and well worded post expressing that many vectors can influence one's
sexuality. You may desire reading the post again, and maybe again so
you gain better comprehension of what it expressed. If you've that much
trouble with reading comprehension, and all those vaulted degrees, makes
me wonder if you weren't educated stupid? That does in deed, in action
happen.

Good thread. I was abused by a much older male friend of the family when I was 14. At the time I often felt guilty and to blame for enjoying it, at other times I hated my abuser for messing with my head as well as my body.

I was molested more than once at the age of 5 or 6. It felt good, that’s why the more than once, but it was wrong. As a result my sex drive, as well as my masturbating, has been locked in overdrive. I feel this is why I masturbate daily, well almost. It’s a general part of my wake up routine, so I guess my “pipes” stay cleared out. Also as a result, I feel that’s why I feel I focus some on the cock during straight porn.

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Originally Posted by woody1340

I am in the same boat. Raped by a man at an age when I was sorting out my masculinity. I have gone beyond giving men pleasure. I know desire to be abused. I begged my wife to hurt my cock and would let her punch me in the balls. It hurts, but it's the only way to feel centered.

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u might wanna see someone about that a counselor. u were abused at a sensitive time in ur life,that was wrong. i'm trying not to judge i know some people like it rough but if u have gotta be hurt bad in order to enjoy being sexual with someone that's not healthy. u deserve to have pleasure, it's a part of normal human experiance. i wish u peace & happiness & real pleasure.

Interesting thread. I skimmed some of the replies/posts. Some good points, some great points, and some mean folks, but eh, such is life.
Some of the readers' posts wrote that being molested (regardless of whether the reader wrote that they enjoyed it, hated it or felt conflicted about it) maybe makes them have gay sex or thoughts to this day. That made me want to post and ponder, if the converse is true? I was molested by both guys and girls. The guy was first (my babysitter's son), then by a girl (a different babysitter's daughter) and then by both guys and girls (opportunistic friends of the babysitter's daughter who came around and made us perform). to this day, the girls stick out more in my mind. Maybe because I was older when it happened, or because it went on longer, or because our parents' responses when they found out were so severe? Who knows). As a healthy adult, I live as a mostly gay man with budding bisexual tendencies and curiosities. It begs the question, was I just meant to be gay and the heterosexual abuse made me bisexual? Or did the heterosexual abuse made me not want to be sexual with women in my teens and 20s when I began exploring my sexuality on my own terms?

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Originally Posted by OpenMindedMan602

Interesting thread. I skimmed some of the replies/posts. Some good points, some great points, and some mean folks, but eh, such is life.
Some of the readers' posts wrote that being molested (regardless of whether the reader wrote that they enjoyed it, hated it or felt conflicted about it) maybe makes them have gay sex or thoughts to this day. That made me want to post and ponder, if the converse is true? I was molested by both guys and girls. The guy was first (my babysitter's son), then by a girl (a different babysitter's daughter) and then by both guys and girls (opportunistic friends of the babysitter's daughter who came around and made us perform). to this day, the girls stick out more in my mind. Maybe because I was older when it happened, or because it went on longer, or because our parents' responses when they found out were so severe? Who knows). As a healthy adult, I live as a mostly gay man with budding bisexual tendencies and curiosities. It begs the question, was I just meant to be gay and the heterosexual abuse made me bisexual? Or did the heterosexual abuse made me not want to be sexual with women in my teens and 20s when I began exploring my sexuality on my own terms?

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I think ultimately, sometimes, "a cigar is just a cigar." That aside a
plethora of vectors do emerge for all of us. Think it best to accept we
each define ourselves. Let us all quit trying to live another person's
expectations and instead live to our own right way. This seems to go
along a great deal better for those attempting it.

Ponder though if you feel you must. :) Suspect we all do it from time to
time. Not exactly sure I have considered it full on myself. Then, I have
always felt naturally bisexual and naturally a switch. I just accept the
Popeye clause. "I yam what I yam, and that's all I yam. Ugh ugh ugh,
whoa!" ;) :)