My experience on convincing my wife to a more open marriage

My wife and I were both sluts before meeting...we enjoy sex and consider it recreational.

Fast forward 2 decades later, we have a high school graduate, middle schooler, elementary schooler, and our monogamous lifestyle had come to a stall. She didnt feel sexy, my drive was still high, the interest had waned and I after multiple occasions of just not starting for a litany of excuses, this portion of our marriage had ended, in a regretful way.

On every other front we were good. We are happy, make decent money, kids are mostly stable and doing ok in school. Our jobs are fine, our friends are good and we are not running around from thing to thing. I had been to a few massage parlours. I had gotten desperate and had a couple of boyfriends (ok, we met, I blew them, they left) and no girl friends.

And we find ourselves in a situation where she full on believes I cheated with another woman. I hadn't, it was just a bad circumstance, but nothing even close to happening, but it was a situation where it would be easy to believe.

This begins a real examination of our relationship. It was a tough couple weeks, but in the end, she blames herself for the state of our sexual relationship and we both blame ourselves for not doing better. But also, the admittance that it had become stale was a factor. It wasnt one conversation, it was one conversation that lasted weeks and she said something about our relationship and how we couldnt fool around with others. I asked why? She was: we are married now, its over. I said: why does it have to end, we both believe in recreational sex, it didnt die the day we got married. Havent you ever wanted to try a girl or another guy? I know I cant be it for you...Sure, she said, the idea crossed my mind, and certainly when I play with myself, but we cant.

It becomes this singular thing that I have to open her mind to....Why do you think I couldnt handle it? We discussed it in fantasy play? MMF, MFM, group...what about me doesnt make you think I can handle it? Its not about you, its about me...I am not comfortable with my body...I dont want to fall for someone else...our marriage is too good to throw away on a trivial escapade.

So why dont we do it together? this way neither of us is disconnected. Do you think that would work? Now I am certain she says yes, partly out of guilt, partly out of curiosity and partly to appease me.

I organize the first 3some with a girl friend we know next month. In discussing it with a mutual girl friend, she says, nope, if your wife and you are going to do it, I am going to be your first and break her in...she will love it. So my plan for the local girlfriend is planned for a month for now, and my girlfriend from far away wants to go in 3 weeks. I make it all happen and my wife has a great time got seduced by my far away friend. then 7 days later has a great drunken time. then she wants to try a MMF and I organize that. then she asks if she can see an old boyfriend and I say sure.

Each time, we reaffirm all is ok, we make an adventure of the story telling, and she is full on ready to move to into open relationship.

The short version of this: you have to be both be ready to discuss it. you both have to be honest. you cant force her, but you get them to realize they can have safe new world. it has to be honest. It has to test the waters small, then expand.

Depending on how you look at it...it took 20 years plus 5 months, or just 5 months from the moment honesty struck.

Not sure this helps anyone, but I wish you luck.

Good for you. I am envious. I know my wife and she overthinks things. I know she would not feel comfortable in this type of situation. I wish but it won't happen. She would be concerned about her looks, she shouldn't as she is a hottie, concerned about her dryness ( I always say we have plenty of lube), concerned I would fall for the partner and she could not handle me blowing another fella.
Shame as I would welcome another partner or couple in our lives. It has been a long time fantasy.
Count your blessings and enjoy!

Wow congratulations I am in a similar situation but the difference is we were not sluts and I think having "love" tied to sex has made the stale situation worse. Glad for you, and I hope to someday post a similar thread

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Originally Posted by emerging

I know my wife and she overthinks things...Count your blessings and enjoy!

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Thanks Emerging...Mine does too, but she is acclimating and actually enjoying it. And yeah, I count my blessings.

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Originally Posted by MAcpl69

I think having "love" tied to sex has made the stale situation worse.

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the biggest differentiator was making it recreational...once we started talking that it was just for fun...and we talked about how we tried things we did/didnt like ...we admitted we already experimented, so now we are just experimenting differently.

Good luck

Good luck. . . Watch out for the Green Eyed monster called Jealousy!

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Originally Posted by csreef

Good luck. . . Watch out for the Green Eyed monster called Jealousy!

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Thanks man...so far we have some rules...part of which is select people we dont imagine becoming relationship attracted too....but will keep an eye out.

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Originally Posted by dan.woodlawn

the biggest differentiator was making it recreational...once we started talking that it was just for fun...and we talked about how we tried things we did/didnt like ...we admitted we already experimented, so now we are just experimenting differently.

Good luck

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Thanks your an inspiration, I'm going to keep trying.

took some time for my wifes 1st 3- some. after the first loved it. we were swingers for about 8 years till we had kids. now in our 60s. too old. here is my wife(left) me and a friend, taken in the 70sAttachment 54467

Looks good Bill...She much more favors the MMF, which works for me just fine.

When we agreed to open ourselves to others it was after our first MFM with the wife's life-long best friend and that helped immensely. We discussed it frankly and both had enjoyed it so why not? For the wife the important factor was separating fun sex from love and that was an issue she had struggled with in the past. Thus far, 7 years along, it has gone well.

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Originally Posted by Neonaught

For the wife the important factor was separating fun sex from love and that was an issue she had struggled with in the past.

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I think that was my "way in"...we both enjoyed recreational sex before, so why PRECISELY did it have to stop? We talked through it, developed some rules...we arent into Randos, we both tell each other or clear it ahead of time if we think its going that way...and I let her select the pace...so while I COULD be having more partners, I am waiting for her to accept it...This way she has some control over it.

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Originally Posted by dan.woodlawn

I think that was my "way in"...we both enjoyed recreational sex before, so why PRECISELY did it have to stop? We talked through it, developed some rules...we arent into Randos, we both tell each other or clear it ahead of time if we think its going that way...and I let her select the pace...so while I COULD be having more partners, I am waiting for her to accept it...This way she has some control over it.

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You guys are both lucky, and smart boys. I'm going to try to use what I've heard here to try to get to the next step.

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Originally Posted by mr bill

took some time for my wifes 1st 3- some. after the first loved it. we were swingers for about 8 years till we had kids. now in our 60s. too old. here is my wife(left) me and a friend, taken in the 70sAttachment 54467

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We still go to swingers clubs and probably will be at NYC Bowery Bliss this Saturday which is the last event before building is torn down.

Wifey was pretty wild and loose in her younger days but after we were married a few years, our sex life started to get stale. We were good friends with another couple, Carol and Don. Wifey had worked with Carol in a store and they became friends at first. Carol was a big woman but very pretty. When we would all be together for a cookout or just hanging out, Carol would talk openly about her sex life with Don and he would tell us how good she was orally with her nickname Hoover. Carol also admitted to loving anal sex and Don often told me how she would beg him to fuck her in the ass frequently. Wifey was getting warmed up and she and Carol went upstairs to change. Don and I sat on the couch and he put on a porn movie. Well the girls came down dressed in see through lingerie leaving little to the imagination and kneeled down in front of each of us and fished out our cocks for a blowjob. I was watching Carol suck Don and he was watching wifey suck me. Then as if on cue, they both got up and switched sides. I was impressed with the size of Don's cock and wifey was really stretching her mouth to get it all in. Don was grabbing her tits and bucking his hips up and down,. Meanwhile Carol aka Hoover was showing me how good her oral talents are by Sucking my whole cock deep and even getting my balls in her mouth too. My entire six inch cock and balls were completely in her mouth. Wifey came up for air and looked over in amazement at what her friend could do and went back on Don's big dick determined to get his dick balls deep in her mouth and she had Don put his hands behind her head and push hard to force her down his shaft. She got the head of his cock past her gag reflex and sure enough was getting throat fucked like a good whore. Don thrust hard and held her nose againist his belly and you could see his throbbing cock shooting spurt after spurt into wifeys mouth and her gulping and gulping to swallow it all, I exploded into Carols mouth and she drained my balls dry with her talented mouth. Then Carol got up and went to Don and put his cock in her ass and bounced up and down begging him to shoot another load. Wifey mounted me for some vaginal sex and started humping me like a wild woman screaming Fuck me fuck me hard. Don and I somehow managed to give them each another load and we all collapsed exhausted but very satisfied. Stay tuned for what happened the next time we all four got together.

All I am going to say is that Three in a relationship is an incredibly unstable number. Years ago I was involved with a married M/F couple. They were great in every way. They were very nice people, they had great Energy. . . When ever I said something to the wife, I would put my foot in my mouth, saying the wrong thing. ...Needless to say I am no longer involved with them.

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Originally Posted by csreef

All I am going to say is that Three in a relationship is an incredibly unstable number. Years ago I was involved with a married M/F couple. They were great in every way.

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I think the only unstable aspect of a threesome is if two in the threesome are a committed couple. If two male buddies pick up a chick and have a threesome or if two chicks have a romp with their male co worker there probably isn't the potential for drama because more than likely nobodys heart is involved.
When a couple decides to include a third there is a lot involved in setting boundaries and establishing rules. It's understandable that unless the couple has their shit together and really knows how to navigate handling a third in their bed, it can be a let down for all involved.

We've been very lucky over the years and have met some truly wonderful partners. Once or twice we decided we didn't click with this one or that one but that doesn't mean they weren't nice people.
For whatever reason sometimes these encounters are only one timers. There just isn't enough there to sustain a long term relationship and who knows why. But sometimes, when you're lucky, these encounters turn into friendships and can last years. And that is what we were looking for. Friends with benefits.

Hubby and I make friends easily. We meet a couple at a friends wedding and the next thing we know we are having a BBQ at their house the following weekend. We make friends with the nice people at work. Meeting lovers is the same thing. Be the type of person that you'd want to meet. Approachable/friendly, honest, good hearted and kind. And in these circumstances a nice cock helps. 😋
You just have to hang in there and keep looking until you find the situation that works for you.

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Originally Posted by by~his~side

I think the only unstable aspect of a threesome is if two in the threesome are a committed couple. If two male buddies pick up a chick and have a threesome or if two chicks have a romp with their male co worker there probably isn't the potential for drama because more than likely nobodys heart is involved.
When a couple decides to include a third there is a lot involved in setting boundaries and establishing rules. It's understandable that unless the couple has their shit together and really knows how to navigate handling a third in their bed, it can be a let down for all involved.

We've been very lucky over the years and have met some truly wonderful partners. Once or twice we decided we didn't click with this one or that one but that doesn't mean they weren't nice people.
For whatever reason sometimes these encounters are only one timers. There just isn't enough there to sustain a long term relationship and who knows why. But sometimes, when you're lucky, these encounters turn into friendships and can last years. And that is what we were looking for. Friends with benefits.

Hubby and I make friends easily. We meet a couple at a friends wedding and the next thing we know we are having a BBQ at their house the following weekend. We make friends with the nice people at work. Meeting lovers is the same thing. Be the type of person that you'd want to meet. Approachable/friendly, honest, good hearted and kind. And in these circumstances a nice cock helps. 
You just have to hang in there and keep looking until you find the situation that works for you.

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As a couple married 33 years who only started swinging 10 years ago I think couples who truly enjoy seeing their partner enjoy others is a requirement for success. I deeply enjoy seeing my wife in action and have never felt even a hint of jealousy. If the 3rd does something that really trips her trigger I will just take lessons!

My wife finally agreed to try an open marriage. Tomorrow will be our 33rd year anniversary together, hopefully will get 33 more years together

My wife knows I love my ass played with. She is slowly confirming

After over 30 years of marriage, both the wife and I had a heart to heart talk about 3 years ago about our sexual wants. We often shared our fantasies while making love and I have often told her that I would love to suck the dick that just fucked her, on a New Years eve we got our 1st taste of sharing each other. Over a game we were playing she dared me to suck the cock of my buddy, I did and she got so turned on it was the start to a new sexual journey. I witnessed her getting totally destroyed by his big fat cock and we shared his cock by licking sucking and tasting his cum. Since then we have become swingers and love every moment of it. We enjoy countless rounds of sexual pleasure with our new found friends.

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Originally Posted by by~his~side

I think the only unstable aspect of a threesome is if two in the threesome are a committed couple. If two male buddies pick up a chick and have a threesome or if two chicks have a romp with their male co worker there probably isn't the potential for drama because more than likely nobodys heart is involved.
When a couple decides to include a third there is a lot involved in setting boundaries and establishing rules. It's understandable that unless the couple has their shit together and really knows how to navigate handling a third in their bed, it can be a let down for all involved.

We've been very lucky over the years and have met some truly wonderful partners. Once or twice we decided we didn't click with this one or that one but that doesn't mean they weren't nice people.
For whatever reason sometimes these encounters are only one timers. There just isn't enough there to sustain a long term relationship and who knows why. But sometimes, when you're lucky, these encounters turn into friendships and can last years. And that is what we were looking for. Friends with benefits.

Hubby and I make friends easily. We meet a couple at a friends wedding and the next thing we know we are having a BBQ at their house the following weekend. We make friends with the nice people at work. Meeting lovers is the same thing. Be the type of person that you'd want to meet. Approachable/friendly, honest, good hearted and kind. And in these circumstances a nice cock helps. 😋
You just have to hang in there and keep looking until you find the situation that works for you.

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Some people are just extremely fortunate to meet the right people and to be able to sustain a long lasting friends with benefits and beyond situation.
it's truly amazing when these friends are a committed married couple. There is nothing better.

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Originally Posted by dan.woodlawn

I think that was my "way in"...we both enjoyed recreational sex before, so why PRECISELY did it have to stop? We talked through it, developed some rules...we arent into Randos, we both tell each other or clear it ahead of time if we think its going that way...and I let her select the pace...so while I COULD be having more partners, I am waiting for her to accept it...This way she has some control over it.

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Our set of rules are very simple:

We must both agree to invite anyone and once we have all met we must both agree to play or it doesn't happen and no questions asked. No one here ever "takes one for the team".
Other must show recent clean STD testing or they must use a condom 100% of the time.
Everyone must be respectful and polite the entire time.
No anal for her or him but bottom men welcome.
Like and dislike in bed must be discussed in detail before getting naked.
No pee/pain/poo/kids/animals.

My wife and have been married 34 years. The first 10 were great always something new happening in and out of the bedroom. Then came the internet and we discovered swinging wow that opened up a whole new life. She discovered she was not only bisexual but very bisexual, her favorite thing then was to seduces straight women.
Now in our 3rd decade together it came to a screeching half with an emergency hysterectomy, her sex life just stopped.
No sex unless you wanna count the hand jobs I was regulated to for 7 years.
Oh she still masterbaited........ always alone and to lesbian porn, that came out in therapy.
Meanwhile I had ran the hammer of porn from straight to way out there to finally discovering gay porn.
I found her msupply of dildos and lubes and taught my self to take them in my ass. Even found Craigslist and had a few hookups found I really loved having sex with men as long as I took the bottom role.
I finally confessed to her one day that I am a bisexual bottom that loves just watching her with her girlfriends when allowed.

Now we are still married she is basically a lesbian , she has 3 regular girlfriends and I am a bisexual

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Originally Posted by by~his~side

I think the only unstable aspect of a threesome is if two in the threesome are a committed couple. If two male buddies pick up a chick and have a threesome or if two chicks have a romp with their male co worker there probably isn't the potential for drama because more than likely nobodys heart is involved.
When a couple decides to include a third there is a lot involved in setting boundaries and establishing rules. It's understandable that unless the couple has their shit together and really knows how to navigate handling a third in their bed, it can be a let down for all involved.

We've been very lucky over the years and have met some truly wonderful partners. Once or twice we decided we didn't click with this one or that one but that doesn't mean they weren't nice people.
For whatever reason sometimes these encounters are only one timers. There just isn't enough there to sustain a long term relationship and who knows why. But sometimes, when you're lucky, these encounters turn into friendships and can last years. And that is what we were looking for. Friends with benefits.

Hubby and I make friends easily. We meet a couple at a friends wedding and the next thing we know we are having a BBQ at their house the following weekend. We make friends with the nice people at work. Meeting lovers is the same thing. Be the type of person that you'd want to meet. Approachable/friendly, honest, good hearted and kind. And in these circumstances a nice cock helps. 
You just have to hang in there and keep looking until you find the situation that works for you.

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well said