I feel so used...

[Pearlindarkwater]

Some of you may have read my earlier posting, mostly about my frustration at not knowing how to connect with women, or for that matter even find other bisexuals. After that post and the encouragement I got here I decided to stop worrying about how I was going to connect with other women and just get out there and do it. For that I am still proud of myself, but something happened recently that has me doubting if there are any genuine people left out there.

I got an email from a woman who seemed perfect, we talked online for a few days, sent pictures back and forth and generally had a good time, she seemed very open and adventurous sexually and wanted to send some naughty pics to each other before we met. I was so excited at meeting someone I went along with it, even though her behavior was starting to raise some red flags, and in my gut I knew something was wrong. She had agreed to meet that weekend, well the time for us to meet came and went, my messages and emails have been ignored and I am sure that the woman I got along with so well was never real, and the pictures I saw were from the last person "she" duped into sending them to her. I've met people online who didnt turn out to be genuine before, but this has really shaken my confidence and made me wonder if I should give up on trying to meet people that way. The problem is, that might mean giving up altogether, since bars make me very uncomfortable (I dont dance or drink much), and I dont know where else to go.

I guess I'm looking for ideas on where to go from here, and a little reassurance that there ARE real, genuine people out there.

[kimba_n_hotrod]

Pearl..
Dearest..don't feel as if you're the only one this is happening to..we met a guy online here just a few weeks ago. We talked and talked and things seem to be going really well. We exchanged pictures and made plans to meet after I return to Chicago. Then one afternoon, while talking to him, he told me that he liked us A LOT and couldn't wait to meet us. And then it happened...he stopped talking. I sent him emails..they wouldn't go through. Didn't see him online for a week or so and then one evening he was in chat here..I went in and said hi to everyone like I always do and he left. In fact, every time after if he was in chat and I'd come in he would soon leave.
Hubby and I are still dumbfounded. Don't know what went wrong and at this point I figure we're way better off without him. There are genuine people out there and don't worry about it. When its time for you to meet that special person you will. At least thats what our dear friends keep telling us. Don't let one person ruin it all for you!

[jem_is_bi]

For whatever reason, you have been rejected. Why be upset about it? If your in the dating game it will happen often, whether you are online dating or going to bars, etc. It has always been that way for everybody. Do not take it as a personal failure. You need to keep going because eventually someone you really like will like you too. But, if you give up hope you will not meet them.

[eddy10]

I once read in a sales and marketing book that you must learn to shake off the NO replies and keep on truckin. It always seems to take several failures to have success. The book said the average good salesman can expect at least 10 'no' answers before he gets a 'yes' in order to close the deal. Keep on trying, you will have success, if you do not give up trying.

[someotherguy]

and in my gut I knew something was wrong.

Bummer!

[FalconAngel]

Always trust your gut on people. If they seem "not right", posers or flaky, then go with that instinct.

kimba_n_hotrod are right. It happens to the best of us. You don't want to know the stories that you get out there about folks that some of us have tried to meet, that turned out to be some whack-job that never followed through or turned out to be a total fake.

Keep plugging away. there are good people out there. We've met quite a few. They weren't always right for us, but they were still good people.

So don't let one or two idiots out there get you down.

[kitten]

YOU are not the problem...the person that didn't even communicate that they changed their mind is the one that messed up.
I agree with the others here. Please don't give up on those few that are spoilers. There are many good people out there searching and discovering and feeling unsure as well.

Keep your chin up!
Hugs,
Kitten

[RockGardener]

Perhaps the person got cold feet??

If you had met the person and they were not what they said they were, that would be different.

IMO, if a person just disappears, and avoids you, they got scared. Maybe they thought they wanted something, but when it came down to reality, and "OMG it's gonna happen", they chickened out.

A polite person lets you know that fact, but scared people are not always polite.

[Delilah]

Oh Pearl, I am so sorry to hear that. But I think a lot of people has had experience like yours. To be honest with you, there will be lots of hits and misses.

This is why I am a strong believer in Webcam Verification.

When I was on the dating scene, I would ask for more than one most current photos of themselves. During chats, I would ask them all kinds of questions that I already know the answers as they would indicate in their profile. Being an interviewer at work, I have tendacy to ask similiar questions but differently. Oh yes, I've been there done that (different scenario since I never send intimate photos of me). We would have a webcam chat. Webcams are cheap and easy to install. My candidates better provide a webcam verification or it's a broken deal.

Don't give up hope, Pearl. There is someone out there you will meet. Don't miss out on the opportunity because of a faker. Good luck sweetie!

[**Peg**]

Pearl... I've been there and had that happen. I agree with Delilah, don't give up.

BUT: in the meanwhile, do what I do: come here for moral support, this website has THEE finest people I've ever had the opportunity to lean on *s*.

good luck hon!

**Peg**

[still_shy]

Ah, this happened to me in my first couple of weeks here. I did the exact same things you did and couldn't figure out why, when it came down to meeting or talking on the phone, she bolted. Read Rock Gardeners above, she helped me quite a bit , and also some people are more into the fantasy of talking about these things, when it comes down to the actual reality of meeting, it's too much for them. Whether they are insecure, or just fake is no reflection upon you. It's their problem. It is extremely rude of them to just drop and run, but again this is the internet and we don't always behave as we would in person.

[DouxVixen]

Im sooo sorry! There are alot of fake people out there and unfortunately they always prey on good people. I wouldn't worry about it too much and I know it's gonna be scary for you to go back out there but you gotta do it some time!! Everything will be okay *hugs* and there is nothing wrong with YOU there is something wrong with THEM!

[Pearlindarkwater]

Thanks for the support, I'm pretty much over it now, it just made for a sucky week : ) (I got the email from a CL ad, btw, not from anyone here, you guys seem pretty awesome actually) Next time I will listen to the little voice in my head that says something isnt right. Maybe she was real, and just got cold feet, I dont know, but my gut says that she just wanted to see how many naughty pics she could get me to send. Thats ok though, at least I had fun taking them, lol.

Hugz

Meg

[welickit]

It took us over a year and a half to find a bisexual male partner and almost four years to find a bisexual female partner. Don't give up.

[leazel]

Thats happend to me also on CL. Hope everthing works out 4 you.

[mindfinding]

Sorry to hear it. I have no formal advice, but feel for you.

[bityme]

Pearl, there is an old saying:
"You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince."

When the person doesn't show on the first meeting and did not contact you, the best thing to do is to block them permanently and forget they ever existed. Then go on to meeting the next person with an open mind.

I have gotten to the point where I never set anything up other than meeting for coffee or a cocktail. If the person shows and we have chemistry, we can take it from there. If they don't well I had a cup of coffee or a drink and can go on to do something for myself with the time that might have been spent with the flake.

As one of the older members (60) I have a lot of people say they want to meet and then they fail to show. You are not alone in this. Some have excuses, most I never hear from again. But you can't let it get you down.

Despite all of the seeming rejections, I have met some wonderful people and enlarged my circle of friends. Some have become good friends and we've never seen the inside of a bedroom. With others there has been the right chemistry and we've had more involvement.

Rest assured that it is not you! You've been open and honest with them and they have agreed to meet. They are the flakes, not you.

My only advice is to not preplan a sexual encounter for the first meeting. Set up a social meeting where you can take their full measure and decide if you want to go further. The social meeting gives them the same opportunity. You might find that they are less apt to cancel when there is no immediate pressure to perform.

Good Luck Hunting,

Mike

[*pan*]

i imagine it has happened to all of us at one time or another, or at least i'd like to think i'm not the only one lol. there are some wierd people out there that love to be something or someone their not. maby she just got cold feet and decided not to. i have talked to numerous people maby hundereds and actually met maby 20, the bad thing about the internet is theres a lot of people that hide behind the screen, on here they can be someone they cant in real life but when they come to actually meet they have a thousand excuses or just disapear. it's frustrating believe me i know. but never start doubting your worth or integrity. your not the one with the problem, you were truthful and honest which is more then i can say about them. keep trying and keep watching for them red flags they are warnings use your own judgement and be careful. you will eventually find that one your looking for as for me i'm still looking too. of course as usual this is only my
peace and blessings >pan/|\

[HighEnergy]

When I was actively dating around looking for Mr. Right, I listened to something my aunt said. She was telling me all about the perfect man my cousin has been dating who she met online. I said that gave me hope. She shook her head, dropped it a bit and said, "She kissed a lot of frogs, a LOT of frogs." When I'd meet someone I didn't think much of, or liked but there wasn't that attraction or spark, I'd call my neighbor on the way home and all I had to say was, "Ribbit".

It takes a LOT of time and energy to meet the right someone. Keep trying. It'll be worth it when you do.

[void()]

Oh Pearl, I am so sorry to hear that. But I think a lot of people has had experience like yours. To be honest with you, there will be lots of hits and misses.

This is why I am a strong believer in Webcam Verification.

When I was on the dating scene, I would ask for more than one most current photos of themselves. During chats, I would ask them all kinds of questions that I already know the answers as they would indicate in their profile. Being an interviewer at work, I have tendacy to ask similiar questions but differently. Oh yes, I've been there done that (different scenario since I never send intimate photos of me). We would have a webcam chat. Webcams are cheap and easy to install. My candidates better provide a webcam verification or it's a broken deal.

Don't give up hope, Pearl. There is someone out there you will meet. Don't miss out on the opportunity because of a faker. Good luck sweetie!

The void grumbles. "Damn dial-up and slow video! Void no use web cam! Void smash web cam!"

That does sound like a reasonable qualifier, despite it limiting some. Guess I'll not get that waltz 'cos ah can't cam. I heard they were piping this sunshine stuff in next week or so.

I'm in agreement about bars. I don't really drink much. When I do have a binge for the purpose of getting three sheets to the wind, don't have me in public. Only dance if I'm really drunk. Singing is even more rare for me. Wife says I'm tone deaf anyway, so usually best not to sing.

There are real folks out here. Don't give up.