My boyfriend and I are in an open relationship and I was going through his phone when I found some flirty texts with him and one of his guy "friends". There was one other time I thought he could be bi and I asked him but he laughed and denied it. This time I know for sure because there was talk of wanting to hook up and there were sexual pictures sent back and forth. I'm looking for advice on how to confront him and ask about this. I'm here for him and I genuinely want to support him with any decision he makes. He most likely will deny this even though I have tangible proof. I want to make him feel comfortable and able to open up to me. Any thoughts?? Thank you!
To start off I should explain that me and my boyfriend are 23 and we have been together for almost 6years now with a few breaks in the middle. He truly loves me and I have felt from the beginning that he is my true soulmate. He is a good man and I have shared and created more happy memories with him than anyone else in my life. I found out that he has been going on craigslist and emailing men in the men4men section. I found a text between him and another man where he said he's a dominant top and wants to meet up, they started to plan to meet up but it was clear that my boyfriend never ended up actually going through with it. To back track, about 2yrs ago I found similar craigslist emails with him looking to get oral from guys and couples, this was when we were together and it seemed like he never actually meet up with anyone, they were just emails. When I confronted him about it he told me he was just horney and was looking for head and the easiest way for him to get it was from a guy. He admitted to me that he had accepted head from a guy once before when we weren't together and that when it happened he closed his eyes and thought about a woman and it felt good. He told me he didn't have feelings for men in that way and he would never want to be with a man he wanted to be with a woman. At the time I broke up with him for a while but then after it seemed like everything in my life, or fate if you want to call it, was pointing me back toward him. He came back to me begging to get back together and promised me he wouldn't do anything to hurt me ever again. after a lot of internet searching I read a statistic that 30% of men have sexual encounters with other men and many of them go on to be completely strait. From what he was telling me it seemed like this was the case and so I choose to forgive him and put it behind us. I also felt that it was partially my fault because for the first 4yrs of our relationship I didn't have sex with him because I was waiting to do it when I finished college, I did oral and was still very sexual with him I just didn't have intercourse because I didn't want to get pregnant before finishing school (something that has happened to my entire family). So now here I am in our relationship which has seemed perfect lately with great sex and everything and I see this text and it seems to me that he is interested in being with a man sexually and its not just about receiving head. I don't think that he is actually cheating on me but it is difficult to deal with the fact that he has sexually urges toward men while at the same time telling me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I am trying to be open minded because I am very attracted to women myself and have done sexual things with them in my past, I still see women as attractive but just never act on it because at the end of the day I only want to be with a man. I haven't confronted him yet but I know that he is going to say that he loves me and me only and that he never actually went through with meeting any of these guys and it's not what he wants. I don't know what to do because he is my best friend and cutting off all ties with him would completely crush my life due to the fact that we have pretty much all of the same friends. Is it possible to work things out with him? This man is my soul mate and I want nothing more in my life than to grow old with him and spend every day with him. Is it possible to just be friends with him after this if I decide to end it? FYI I was just laid off from my job last week and my best friend who I live with is moving out this week to live with her boyfriend, please be kind on your responses I'm going through a tough time in life and I don't feel there is anyone i can talk to about this. If anyone has any experience with marrying a man who is bi I would really like to hear from them, or advice from older men who can speak from the other side of things.
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