i have been thinking about my romantic situation alot lately, more than usual, or the lack of it. i know i have claimed to have some kinda interest in the same sex but i wonder if my interest is genuine? i have had very bad luck with the opposite sex so maybe my interest in the same sex is a way to get my mind off of things while still fullfilling some of my needs. maybe add some kinda excitement in my life. u have gotta admit, going against ur sexual orientation can give u some excitement lol. but i don't know if experementing with a guy would make things ne better, in fact i'm afraid it might make things worse. once it's over i'm alone & i see more clearly & strongly what it is i'm missing from my life. i picture myself on my deathbed thinking about missed opportunities. when it comes to homosexual activity i think it would of been nice to try it out in my lifetime even if it was just a learning experiance, some regrets. but the regrets would not be nearly as big as never having been in a close relationship with the right women. except it wouldn't really be a regret because a regret implies u had the ability to do something & u passed it by, or vice versa u did something u could of not done. with the persuit of women i feel totally powerless so i can't do a damn thing about it neways. it's something i desperately wish above all else i had some kinda clue about. most people figure somethings out by there 30's, i have not. i feel there is something very wrong with my life.
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